Tuesday, December 30, 2014


Yup, I've been gone for so long taking exams at my local community college for x-rays that my page views has been reduced to absolutely zero per day.  Well, this is typical of what happens to me.  The fundamental belief that somehow going to school and getting good grades will put a dent in the job market for you is absolutely absurd.  Initiative, eye contact, making connections, networking, being blood and/or family related:  These are the only ways of ever getting a job that doesn't suck.  Being talented in one way or the other also helps, but if that were the case why not just add super good looking and sex appeal?  Anyone can fall into the trap of paying thousands of dollars for school, only to realize that it's all bullshit.  No matter what it's you who has to work whatever job that it is, so for anyone else to consider what's best for you is not always what's best for you.  Only you can decide what's the best for you, even if it's absolutely crazy and nonsense to the other person.  They're not you, nor do they have to live your life or experience whatever pain or time that is involved.  As a result, having to listen to someone else all time can potentially be a fatal disaster.

Always with the paying money for classes for learning or whatnot.  Test after test, you'd think we'd all be competent enough by now to live our lives to the fullest.  Nope, everything these days is just for the sole purpose of looking good on paper.  Even graduate school is all about writing papers and living off the edge of your credit card, falling flat on your face onto a hard concrete slab of student debt.  When does the bullshit end?  Why does school not benefit your life instead of trying to destroy you from the ground up with student loans?  For the vast majority of us, THERE ARE NO JOBS.  So why waste your time?  If you don't fall in any of the categories above that I've recently mentioned, there's really no point in trying to advance in your career.  We might as well accept whatever life you've been given and be happy.  The best approach is to learn how to appreciate what you have.  Why do we always have to be so needy for MORE?  Why can't people be happy like children?  We are very self destructive by nature.  We always want more.  Sure, education is a great idea.  Everyone believes in education to some degree, but what if it costs you an arm and a leg?  To me, it's not worth it.  Sure I can write hours on end and make a book out of it, but who would ever buy my material for actual money?  Last but not least, you need a product.  No matter how hard you try to avoid this, you need a product that can sell.  If you don't have a product, school is absolutely pointless.  The time and money you spend on yourself or a loved one should come back like an investment, but it doesn't always happen.  People these days go to school and just end up with more student loan debt.  It's important that you don't fall into this trap.

I don't mind working for money.  Sure, I'll probably end up working at a customer service job again but that's all I can get.  Yes, I have a 4.0 GPA and first in class; but that's not EVERYTHING.  You need to go above and beyond.  Cold calling, networking, doing research on what company you want to work at; being in uncomfortable awkward social situations; know what you are passionate about: These are the things that the school should be focusing their attention on; not useless out of the book information.  Unfortunately, school doesn't care what you want.  School just wants you to read regurgitate answers from some paper test and scold you with more student loan debt.  Guess what?  It doesn't work.  You want to pay for it?  Go ahead.  I'm not going to care.

Well, I just had to get that off my chest.  I'm on vacation break from none other than school.  No, I never wanted to spend a huge chunk of my life in some pointless institution that would never lead to a concrete, solid job that I enjoy doing.  Well, I'm out of here.  It pleases me to get the hell out of there as opposed to actually wanting to be there.  That's not something you want on an emotional level, but it's the truth.

After a few hours of gaming, I came back to write in my blog again.  I've decided to take the rest of the day off.  No, I'm not going into details about writing plans or working out in the gym.  I just want to relax.  My muscles feel sore from working out yesterday.  My brain has been overloaded with medical information from my x-ray program.  I just need to chill for a while.  I'll return back tomorrow.  Although I continue to have this burning desire inside to achieve something great, I still need to relax like an ordinary happy, human being.  

Monday, October 13, 2014

I'm Back! Columbus Day off!

Hi Everyone,

I've returned from school for the first time in a long time.  Long story short, it's been hell.  They send you to some hospital down in the ghettos and take homeless peoples' x-rays.  It smells, it's dirty, and mad ghetto.  Yes, what you've just read was a real and very accurate assessment of the school's radiology program.  This will probably be the closest thing to med school I will ever come in contact with.  I've decided to just be a regular person.  I don't want to be no doctor or lawyer with a fancy title.  After seeing all the political crap that goes around, I just want to leave everything at the front door, bunker down at night, and go to sleep.  There's so much drama and horseshit flying around.  I thought working in retail was absolute bullshit, the medical field is even worse.

When asked if I wanted to be a nurse, I responded immediately with a no.  I do not want to be in this field as though my life depended on it.  These people can go ____ themselves.  There's no way in hell do I ever want spend anymore time in a hospital than required.  Keep in mind, that I'm also a bum; so I don't really care to begin with.  Just like everyone else in the waking world, I need my paycheck.  Apparently, the payout is suppose to be good; but I haven't seen nothing yet since I'm only a student.  Yes, it's painful and it hurts; but one day karma will show me to the door.  Maybe by that time, I wouldn't care about money.  I would only care about "my patients" and see to it that I do a good job.  There's no chance in hell that I feel that way.  When you starve someone, they become hungry.  That very same hunger grows, drives, and motivates the individual to raise the bar higher and higher to succeed, to conquer.  At the very same time, appreciation and the awareness of reaching the top becomes illuminated and inspiring.

In any event, the homework and the hospital work doesn't seem to have an end.  It just keeps going, and going, and going.  You really don't want to dig the hole deeper than it already is.  I'll leave that up to the teachers, doctors, and nurses, or whoever is up there.  I just want to be paid my biweekly paycheck and go home.  There's too much drama, too much work, and too much of a bit of everything trying to screw you over.  My attitude may not be very appropriate for this field, but I need the money.  Working in the hospital is said to be one of the most humanitarian thing on the planet.  Well if it is, I don't to be working anywhere near the hospital.  Based on what I've seen a vast majority of humans are not a happy, fun going species.  They'll do whatever for money and that's it.  Once they have their money, they can be happy and cheery, but if money was of no concern all hell would break loose.  Are you serious?  People who actually volunteer to be working in a hospital taking care of people with no pay?  As you go higher up on the socioeconomic latter, the one with the most power is usually a bosshole and will delegate all the rules and regulations he wants done.  You're basically just another slave.  Where's the fun in that?  If you do happen to derive pleasure from helping others, God bless you.  But as for me, it's doesn't feel that it's worth it or my time here.

Maybe my teacher was right, I should be in the I.T. field or something.  We had a conversation once, and my teacher pointed out that I would never bend over and be happy to clean someone's bedpan with a smile on my face.  In fact, if that ever happened I would feel like shooting someone.  My teacher was 99% right about that.  So why am I so violet?  Why don't I like to help people?  Why don't I like loving people?  What's wrong with me?  All I know is that deep down inside, I do not want to help people on purpose; I need the benefits and rewards of money that comes with it down the road.  I'll be glad to pick someones poop for $22-$28 an hour.  Engineers start at around the same pay.  But if you ask me to pick up poop for free, that's when it gets ugly.  So you see, I'm not much different than the money hungry people I pointed out a bit earlier.

Now, I must return back to my cave and continue to work on my, what seems to be, never ending homework assignments.  Just 9-10 months remaining; I prey to God everyday I can endure and survive in the healthcare field.              

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Hospital Work Tomorrow

It's Sunday night, and I have time to post.  Well, I did "everything" I wanted over the weekend like working out, swimming, walking, homework, and even walking around the city.  I'm accustomed to the life style.  I basically know what's going on kind of a feel.  My body is use to all the routine.  I've gotten better over the week.  I'm less sick and can walk comfortably now.  Well, it's been a full week of school so far.  I've been surviving going to class and interning at the hospital.  I prey that I can keep it up.  I'm looking forward to doing my best and not being afraid to fail trying new things.

I don't get a kick out of working at the hospital.  It's hard for me to believe my clinical instructor told me she gets a high from taking on trauma cases.  Yes, people get hurt or sick and my instructor gets off on taking their case to take x-rays.  I don't understand the full extent to how anyone can be so into taking x-rays or doing any kind of work, especially at a hospital where people are sick or seriously hurt.  Well, I do like working with some patients.  Most of the time I have to see people no one likes.  I won't go into the details, but it's just like working retail at a grocery store.  Basically, you get that feeling like everyone you hate looking at has to talk to you.  My only defense system is try to be happy and think about more positive things.  I don't think anyone wants to be there at the hospital, but people have kids to feed, paychecks to collect, and bills to take care of.

My tuition costs less than $300 this semester so I have something to be thankful for.  Education these days is seriously expensive, and I cannot afford to miss any opportunities.  Yes, it's a God awful experience to work at a hospital, but I was given a chance that a lot of people don't get in life.  I appreciate the simple things.  Of course we all want the money to buy nice things and dream vacations, but sacrifices must be made to obtain a healthy current state of reality both bodily and mentally.  I don't know how I continue to survive through the day working in a hell hole, but the lunch menu is pretty super.  I wish I had more money to buy the things I want to eat, but I guess I'm staying away from a lot of junk food at the same time.  Asides from money and wealth, people always need to be in good health.  I guess I'm working my way up to being a better healthcare professional.  Even if I feel like giving up at times or changing career paths, it's a fundamental belief that health is the most important thing in life.  As long as I continue on the path of the healthcare industry that I'm on right now, success will surely follow in the long run.  No, it's not easy and won't happen overnight.  None the less, I want to be or at least pretend to be happy in my field of choice on a daily basis.


Monday, September 1, 2014

Back To School

My first class for radiology starts at 11:30AM.  I'm in my second year.  I've completed the first of two years.  Yes, this is my last "senior" year as a radiology x-ray tech student.  It's been hell having to wake up, drive to school, drive to the hospital, spending time with others, dealing with the politics, having to ask people what the hell is going on, and working with a diverse group of other people.  I've heard stories of people making $22 starting at the hospital to $50 for a private doctor's clinic.  Either way, it's a lot of shit you have to go through.  I have to train and study everyday just to keep afloat.  Do not be fooled.  Being a x-ray technician requires just as much discipline as any other career choice.  For me, I put the hours in and try my best everyday.  When they say you can't find a job, I do not listen to the "no".  I getup and go and use that attitude to get my foot in the door and muscle my way through.  "Work like hell" . . .    

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Back for More Trouble

To make matters worse, I've been sick for the week on my "vacation".  It's been more than several days I have been doing nothing at all.  Once again, I've hit rock bottom and feel like a bum.  It is as though there's not much I can do differently to make my life any better than it already is without the aid of a financial miracle.  The good news is that I decided to get off my ass and change my primary care provided on my community plan healthcare care card (Medicaid).  It took about an hour to find a real doctor that actually works with the program.  It was well worth it.  You won't find mainstream, American doctors that people want all the time.  Instead, you may find the doctors that come from foreign countries with accents.  There's nothing worth with that.  It's just that the doctors born and educated here in America probably want a lot of money for their time and services, especially since medical school prices have sky rocketed through the roof in the past couple of years.

During the time I felt I was getting sick, I was taking my daily nutrients and supplements.  I guess it's one of those things that unpreventable.  The weather drops down a few degrees when September approaches.  I usually get sick around this time, but this year it happened a bit earlier.  After I get sick around this time, I go to the doctors for antibiotics and that usually does the trick.  I may get sick up to three times a year depending on my luck.  I know if I'm sick right away, because my throat starts to get sore and start to cough. It's a God awful experience and that is why I make sure to take my daily vitamins everyday.  Sometimes I go throughout the months without ever getting sick.  I still workout, take nutrients, and eat right; but sometimes I just get sick for no reason.  I try home remedies before going to a real doctor, but there's so much one can do.  Natural, home remedies only work up to a certain point; but then you need something a lot stronger.  I can't tell if there are much side effects using antibiotics, but it's been doing well for me once I fall ill.  It usually takes a week or two to recover.

In any event, there have been minimal amount of new and exciting projects going around here.  I may have worked out one or two deals, but nothing spectacular worth mentioning.  I have received some rebates in the mail that usually take up to three months to arrive.  Yes, rebates take a very long time to arrive; but eventually they get to your home when you least expect it.  It's not a bad system if you're patient.  It does get annoying, but it's better than nothing.  Well, I hope to get some more reading and studying done for my radiology classes starting in September.  I only have this week left until school starts up.  I just need to survive this last, remaining year; and I'll be home free!  Seriously, everyday I have to work hard and remain persistent or else suffer the consequences of being a fat, lazy American.

Friday, August 15, 2014


Sorry people, I have been under-the-weather today.  I left the fan on while sleeping in the nude.  I woke up with a sore throat.  I prepared hot tea with honey and made sure to take lozenges.  The doctor also recommended to gargle salt water in the morning.  In any case, I didn't do much today nor due I plan to.  There are no crazy pictures or anything worth while mentioning except for having more school/work days off for the next few weeks.  I don't feel compelled to go out and spend tons of cash on frivolous things.  Wouldn't it be great to win the lottery?  Nope, I'm still bound by the everyday limitations of being a mere mortal.  Perhaps, I will post some note worthy material later when I feel like it.  Today is not the right time to be doing anything except for the usual rest and sleep.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Accidents Happen

Long story short, a 35 lbs. dumbbell happened to fall on my foot at the gym by accident.  They had an x-ray done for me.  Yup, I realized that being in the field of x-rays had much value behind it.  Instead of taking my job lightly, I feel a deeper connection and appreciation for the science and care behind radiology.  I'll be out for a few days.  I'll be around reporting less and working less as I try to recover.  It sucks, but I need time to take off.  I've been icing and doing light, routine exercising since the accident.  There's no fracture, so it's okay to be moving a little.  Hell, I even had to go to work at the hospital after a day of recovery.  Talk about unfair.  In any event, I've been trying out the new whey protein.  Thankfully, nothing was broken and my foot is continuing to heal on its own without any special medical procedures or medicines.  

I guess I should be wearing shoes to prevent any further accidents from happening in the future.  I sure have had my fair share of accidents.  Accidents happen from time to time.  I'm prepared to stay calm and alert when they do.  Thank God, I didn't need surgery.  Hope all is well.  Until next time!

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Sunday - A Day for Rest

Have I worked out Monday through Saturday all the while interning at the hospital?  The correct answer is YES.  That's a big accomplishment for me, because most people just get lazy and fat given the same amount of time.  Do I deserve a complete day of rest?  Sure, I do.  Maybe, I'll just go for a brief walk or bike ride.  None the less, Sunday is a day for rest.  There's no religion behind it.  My body and mind really needs a day where I don't do much except to completely relax and be free of worry.  To workout the whole seven days a week is just too much for anyone.  The body and mind needs a full day of rest to recharge and rebuild muscle.

After trying my new protein, Oats and Whey, I still felt like the same old waking up.  If there was only a revitalizing potion that you can drink that helps you wake up in the morning, I'd be set for life.  None the less, I rolled out of bed at 8AM and went straight to the computer like I normally do.  Thank God I don't have to work the weekends.

Unfortunately, I didn't find a miracle protein that can help me jump out of bed in the morning; but I did get a full night of rest.  I woke up in the morning time, got out of bed, and that is what's important.  Of course, I could have slept in more but something made me get up.  I was hungry and driven to do something.  The spirit of ambition and wanting to succeed took over I guess.  This post will be short, because I simply want to spend the rest of the day off.  It's important that people get their rest on Sundays, so that they can be reenergized and be able to workout the next full six days.                    

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Staying Hungry Even On A Weekend

Well, my secret stash finally arrived.  Yup, it's whey protein.  Not just whey protein, but oats and whey!  How will this product stack up with the soy protein I've been taking?  I'm hoping to find out soon.  In fact, I just came back from what seemed to be an all day workout.  Seriously, I went swimming in the morning for about an hour, went down to the gym and worked out for about 2 hours, rested and ate at around 4PM, went biking, rested and ate a little, and then I went back to the gym to work on whatever I missed in the "morning".  For me that was an amazing experience I've never felt before.  I'm usually tired or feel sluggish on weekends and just want to relax like "normal" people.  With just one, full scoop of this "natural" protein, I felt energized all day.  I don't believe there was a time I wanted to be lazy and sit on the couch and watch television.
The economics behind this purchase is simple.  I bought everything off of Amazon subscribe and save 15% if you order at least 5 items.  I can freely unsubscribe to whatever subscription I desire.  All I wanted was the 15% off this great protein.  Hold on, am I jumping the gun on promoting a product I just tried today?  Nope, I'm still testing this product out for myself with my daily workouts.  My goal and focus is to build more muscle and convert whatever fat cells that reside inside of my body into muscle through working out daily.  More muscle and less fat means that I'll have more energy and feel less sluggish throughout the day; thus tricking myself into believing I'm capable of doing whatever I set my mind to.  None the less, I don't like being lazy and sluggish.  There have been so many days I did not want to feel and look like a bum.  I want to try to aim higher this time and be a high caliber person if that is remotely possible.  It might take a miracle, but working hard everyday seems to be the only answer.  "No pain, no gain".  If something doesn't workout, I can always try something else.      
 Overall, I felt more energized and happier today.  I went swimming, weight lifting both upper and lower body, biking, and even started to pickup some boxing moves with footwork.  Kinesthetics is where one learns and discovers by simply doing.  I think I'm naturally geared more towards kinesthetics than being tied down by books.  Although I got A's in school, I never thought much about it.  Employees these days really don't care what you got in school anymore.  Grades just look good on paper, but when they find out you can't perform on the job you're screwed.  Learning on the fly and operating like a well oiled machine out of instinct is a much greater track record to look for in a potential employee for your company.  God forbid, a student thinks grades are everything.  That never works out nicely.  Well, I'm happy with my purchase and hopefully I will enjoy it.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Working Sucks

Good lord, I feel bad working at the hospital this whole week.  It just sucks.  If I could tell my childhood self not to go work in the healthcare industry I would.  The vast majority of people generally suck; therefore working at a hospital must suck even more.  Whatever happened to being a kid?  Whatever happened to having fun?  Jobs were created and soon sucked the life out of everyone who ever attempted to work.  I don't mean to be nasty or negative, but this is pretty much how honest and truthful I can be.  I've learned that I have a low tolerance for other people.  Some people I get along with or don't mind being with.  On some days, things get really nasty and all hell breaks loose.  People skills are very hard to come by.  "Kill them with kindness" is probably my best bet to facing anyone who's difficult.  There's just so many different cases where people become enraged, hostile, violent, upset, grumpy, or just plain crazy.  That's why they come in where I work, because they're there for answers.  A successful business operates on the grounds that it helps a customer solve a problem either it being something simple as hunger, medicine, and/or entertainment.  Growing up has all been a big lie to me.  I want to go back being a kid again.  I don't want to have to deal with people, patients, women, girls, or any other forms craziness.  No, grownup people are not fun.  They yell a lot, blame things on others, and have all these kids they can't take care of.   I don't want that to be me.

As a kid, I had fun with Nintendo.  Now, the only memories I have are locked up and stored behind a solid, plastic case.  Life use to be fun.  Life use to be worth something.  Life was once full of potential and new ideas.  Now that I work at the hospital, all I see is the darkness.  I've been interning and schooling for one full year and what do I have to show for it?  Nothing, I have nothing to show for it.  Sure, I know how to better take care of others but at what cost?  I was never paid once.  I've worked at a grocery store next to a mentally challenged man who did nothing but bag groceries who probably makes more money.  Forget about med school.  I don't care about how much potential money I could be making working long hours at a hospital; I would probably rather be dead than have to deal with those sick people.      

Yes, life once had meaning when the Nintendo came out; but those days are gone.  Now, I work all the day for very little or no money at all.  All this time and money I've spent in school turned out to be a big waste.  I don't feel like paying for an education really did anything for me.  I guess I'm one of those people who are more geared towards vocational school.  We all want the money, but having to go through school is hell.  After I stopped playing Nintendo, my fun and joy slowly faded away into a nightmare of schooling and work.  I would like to say I found something that I'm actually passionate about and can run a successful business through it, but I'm still searching.  I'd never want to go back to school for along time if my x-ray program doesn't work out.  I've tried my best to keep up with the bullshit and politics, but it never ends.  There's been one test after another each week, back to back.  If I knew it was going to be this hard, I would have turned the other cheek and left along time ago when I had the chance.  Do you think they pay us to intern at the hospital, providing patient care?  Nope, no pay whatsoever.  I feel like dropping out and leaving everyday, but it's a game that they don't let you out like a sadistic episode of  "Keeping up with the Kardashians".  There's only about three or four weeks left.  I don't know what will happen.  I'm trying my best to survive and past this semester, but that's not even good enough for them.  What do they expect of us?  They're not even paying us money for working in a hospital for God sake.  How much more of this abuse can I take?  All of these old and sick people, I'm responsible for.  As hard as I try to hold on, only time will tell.        

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Something I love - Sushi

All you can eat sushi for $13.99, what a great deal.  I love this place!?  The next time I'm going will be by myself only.  I have no time for girls nagging and crying over spilled milk.  Yes, I do eat a lot, and no I do not gain weight from it.  In fact, I'm skinny as hell.  Guys typically eat a lot no matter if they're fat or skinny.  On the other hand, girls complain about how whatever they eat will make them fat or sickly.  I can't stand this kind of attitude towards food.  Unfortunately, a lot of girls have eating problems either it's mental or physical.  I know it sucks, and I don't want to get involved or know anymore about the details than I should.  The good thing about being the typical, average guy is that you can always count on eating a ton of food at a buffet.  As an omnivore, I can eat just about any food on the market unless it's something weird or out of the ordinary like blue cheese.  I've encountered very picky eaters over the years, but I sure as hell am not one of them.  I eat just about anything and do not care about culture/ethnic background of where it comes from.  Again, some people are very picky, even religious, about what foods they can eat.  I'm one of those who absolutely do not care.  People are starving on the streets, and I know I need to take advantage of every meal I can get my hands on.  I don't know how some people can afford to be picky eaters. nor do I want to get involved with whatever picky habits xyz person has.  As long as it looks decent, I will eat it no matter what.          

My love for sushi is real, much like Jiro Dreams of Sushi.  Sadly, Jiro would probably puke if he ever saw the sushi we have over here in America.  Usually, it's made by Mexicans or amateur sushi chiefs; but I'll eat it if the price is right.  Apparently, a lot of the rolls are Americanized.  In Japan, sushi is meant to be in its purest form.  People go eat out for fresh, killed fish that has been properly cleaned and prepared.  In America, it's all about piling up combos and adding extra crazy sauces like avocado, spicy, jalapeno, mayonnaise, sesame seeds, etc.  If you ever see sushi that has crazy looking colors it's probably been Americanized to the point that it's not even considered "sushi" anymore.  In any event, I'll go out and eat whatever I can get my hands on.  If there's something I actually love in this world, it's going out and eating sushi.        

You can't go wrong ordering more salmon, tuna, or even eel.  You can quickly tell that's imitation crab and not even worth ordering anymore.  My experience with eating sushi has always been filled with joy and excitement.  I feel like I reached a goal, like I finished climbing a mountain.  It's an actual achievable goal that I know that can be obtained.  It's feels like euphoria, a beautiful spring bath.  I'd rather go out and eat sushi alone than go out on a date with a girl again.  Girls are much too complicated for someone like me.  After my experience with several different ones, I just find it to be a lot of work added on to even more work.  To put it in the easiest and nicest way possible, girls require a delicate balance of time and money.  I'm not talking about taking grandma out to dinner, I'm talking about the young ones that are available.  She may not even like me, so why spend any more of my resources on someone who is humanly incapable of appreciating me other than for money?  She doesn't like you, period.  Trying to get her to like you is always a complete and utter fail.  From my experience, it's not worth fighting for.  A girl either likes you or doesn't.  If she doesn't like you, she won't do anything further than nothing.  If she does like you, she will address it to you.  It's either yes or no.  Being aggressive and macho only gets you so far to the point you realize that all this effort is costing you way too much time and money.  I had a few jobs, made some cash, and it's not worth it to spend the fruits of my labor on someone who just wants to play the role of the fool.  But seriously, I've worked around the pharmacy and hospital; girls have problems just like everyone else.  Sure they put on a beautiful facade and makeup to look picture perfect, but underneath that pretty skin is another layer of the human soul full of impatience, maliciousness, power hunger for greed, and of course a whole encyclopedia devoted to sick and disturbing ways of backstabbing others.  Alimony, child support, divorce papers, and all this other crazy garbage needs to leave.  As I said before, girls are too complicated for me.  Someone like me would require a banker, a financial analyst, a lawyer, several doctors, and a whole boat load of money for things to ever properly workout with the girl.  By that time I establish all these wild and crazy things, she would be old and wrinkly just like everyone else.  I maybe forever alone, but happier because of it.                    

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Where Did I Go Wrong

Well, I guess this is where I would like to hangout all day given the fact that money wasn't a problem.  If you haven't guess it yet, it's the Rockefeller Center.  I come here all the time.  There's just so much potential here to have a great time.  I would love to eat here without worrying about the expensive prices.  It's a beautiful environment full of life.  When I was small, who thought I'd end up on the wrong side of the tracks?  I did get good grades in school, I did graduate from college, yet I knew the future would be grim for me either way.  Since the economic collapse of 2008, my college degree seems to have very little or no effect on my job search.  College just made me realize how much crap costs.  It's not a good idea for someone like me to continue to spend all their money on tuition for false hope.  Even though I get A's on my report card, I hate what I do.  I don't like going to school; I don't like having to talk to the teachers about whatever.  What I do like is to make money.  School and grades have very little or nothing to do with making money in the real world, which is why I see school beyond high school full of a load of crap.  When's the last time your school taught you how to design, manufacture, and sell a product other than it being insurance?  Never, never has any school taught me how to make money and that is why I'll always hate these institutional systems.  It's expensive, boring, and the teachers really don't care about you.  Hell, I'm still going to school for radiology.  I hate working at some hospital with sick people.  I have hundreds of hours poured into it; only to come out with nothing but worthless degree credits, not even enough to buy a hot dog for lunch.  I really want to be successful and to be proud of myself and my potential customers.  I don't want them to have a crappy experience with what I have to offer either it be a product or just spending time with me.    

Sure I feel bad waking up in the morning and having to drive down to the hospital in the ghetto to take patients' x-rays, but I have hopes that one day I can be successful.  Being successful for me means being able to work without having regrets, having three meals a day, and going home at night safely.  My life may suck, but when I look around people are having fun here and that inspires me that I can too.  I don't have to be rich or well known; I just want a lot of money in my pocket from a hard day of working.  That money can be used for buying better food, gym memberships, season park passes, and of course putting a roof over my head.  Unfortunately, they don't pay you for a hard day of work.  My internship at the hospital is paying $0.  It's sad, so I apply for all the government handouts I can get.  To work and not get paid really sucks.  I had to help lift this 300 lbs. lady on multiple occasions, and it sucked.  The worst part about it is that there's not just one, there's a lot of them that are sick and worst of all fat.  I feel sorry for the actual employees there.  No matter what the age or condition they're in, they have to do their job.  Why in God's name is anyone well over 300 lbs. and covered in thick, layers of fat is beyond me.  It's sad that people can't take care of themselves.  Hell, I'm not even sure I can take care of myself; but I try my best to sustain.  Again, working at a hospital sucks.  I'm not even sure making $30,000 - $40,000 a year inside of a hospital is even worth considering.  I would rather make $10,000 somewhere else less hostile; collect government welfare benefits; and bounce every 6 months to be able to collect unemployment.  The more money you make; the more taxes you have to pay anyways.  I know this is a very controversial issue that people want black listed immediately, but I feel that being poor enough to qualify for government benefits is a much better warranty for life than trying to break way into "middle class".  Screw trying to fit in with the rest of the middle class, I would rather be considered dirt poor.  I want food stamps, EBT, unemployment, welfare, financial aid, tuition waiver, etc.  I've seen the people collecting, and they don't give a damn.  I need to help myself to whatever I can get as well.  It's been long enough that the government has been trying to screw me over.  I feel that what I'm doing is right, and people who need help should really get help.      
"Creativity and imagination shall be the stability of thy times".  Finally, someone gets it.  It's right outside the GE building.  It's a beautiful work of art.  It's so inspiring and well worth taking a picture of.  Instead of seeing sick people, that's what kind of people I want to see.  Elegant, strong, intelligent, powerful; all of these positive human characteristics that illuminate out of respectful people.  What ever happened to a brighter tomorrow?  Now, they're sick, old, killing each other, and violence on television.
When I was little, I wanted a better future for myself.  I wanted to work in one of these tall New York skylight buildings.  Now that I'm older, I realized things never really worked out for me.  I always felt that the school boxed me in from my full potential as a business man.  It was just another rat race.  Go to school, get good grades, and a good job will fall into your lap.  Unfortunately that's not how to works.  There's a lot of politics and back stabbing that needs to take place for anyone to climb the socioeconomic latter.  I never really cared about having to stab anyone in the back, which may very well be the same reason why I will never make it to the top.  I know I'm a homeless, and I don't need to care anymore.  But there's always a human conflict of staying in your comfort zone.  You have to break out of your comfort zone if you ever want to be better!  You cannot keep boxing yourself in.  It's not okay to sit back and relax.  The balance between staying where you are comfortably and searching outside of the box has always been a fundamental problem with people.  History has shown us repeatedly that vast civilizations have been conquered by foreigners due to their inability to advance and move forward.  The same thing will happen to just about anyone else if they ever should decide to sleep on the couch and watch television all day at home.  In time, I'm hoping that interning at a hospital will open doors for me.  That day may very well never happen.  I too maybe boxed in from all the politics and back stabbing that's constantly going on.  No, people don't change overnight.  There's no such thing as "nice people" anymore.  Most of the time, back stabbing and stepping over each other is so common at the workplace that you should never get worked up about it.  These things happen to just about everyone.  Trying not to let other people make you feel bad is an important skill for me.  At the end of the day, I want to go home and not give a crap about what drama happened.  I want the paycheck, but I sure as hell don't want the drama or baggage that comes along with it.        

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Another Day in the Life of a Homeless

I'm back interning at the hospital, and it sucks.  If the job itself doesn't suck, then the patients are absolutely the worst.  The hospital literally pampers and treats the patients so nicely, and what do they get in return (aside from money)?  The patients unwillingly urinate and poop on all over them.  Literally, the feces and the pee gets everywhere.  It's just completely nasty, but patients have it good under the roof of the hospital(s).  The whole situation is a mess.  Some of these faces you see everyday are just horrifying.  You're just there to help them or do whatever the job that is required, and the patient starts freaking out and looks at you like someone just robbed them of their dignity.  What the hell?  Some of the people you have to take care of are well over 300 lbs. and can't move by themselves.  I've seen this little, old lady having to lift these morbidly obese patients onto a small back panel for a MRI machine.  I'm sure no one would consciously make themselves voluntarily sick so that everyone else's job is to take care of them.  It's unfortunate, but people get sick, old, and/or morbidly obese through no fault of their own.  Nature is just taking its course.  Sure, people have the choice of exercising and eating healthy; but there's always that population of people who give up trying or don't care anymore.  For me, it's just another day.  These sick people may never be able to walk or go home ever again but that is not my business.  I do what I'm required to do and that is to take their x-ray.  In between the business of taking x-rays, the craziness is constantly happening.  I don't want to care; I don't want to jump into "the fire"; I'm not here to play games.

Sometimes, I feel like blaming the patient for getting themselves in such a mess to the point that everyone else has to take care of them.  In a perfect world, I'm sure that no one would do that unless something was really wrong.  Something must really be wrong.  Perhaps, they couldn't control themselves with their food dieting and lack of exercise while growing up and now have to suffer the consequences of making bad choices.  We all have to make choices; except the choices they made voluntarily or involuntarily landed them straight into the hospital.  Whatever messed up situation that happened is not my business, nor do I choose to care for my own safety.  It's not my responsibility to watch over and tell people to eat right, exercise, and to stop doing stupid things.  Everyone has their own responsibilities to manage themselves appropriately.  If I were to be involved in promoting living a healthy life, you have to pay me.  That is a job in itself and service.  Being fat and lazy is something that needs to be serviced.  Someone in that situation would have to pay money to better themselves if they want anyone else involved.  No money; no help.

Fortunately, I did use my Familycare health insurance card for my free dentist appointment.  The doctor and hygienist helped clean my teeth.  After I was done with a full checkup, they told me I could go without paying.  Yes, the government Medicaid insurance plan actually worked!  For the first time ever, I was the one mooching free government handouts.  I was so proud of myself.  Since I'm a student, I reported a minimum income of less than $10,500.  It took about three or four months to process, but I finally got my health insurance card in the mail.  I was being the needy one this time, and it felt relieving.  For the first time in a long time, I was on the receiving end.  It was a heart warming experience to know that there were people out there like me, offering services to others for very little or nothing in return.

It's now night time, and I finished a one hour swim workout session.  I felt motivated and compelled to workout a bit more but then decided to rest up a bit, because it's not a good idea to workout late in the day especially since the body needs to prep itself for sleep.  I would like to say that the workout was great, but the baggage that remains from the hospital follows me home.  All the unnecessary drama and the crap that comes along with working sucks.  Can't I just have a dumbo job, work, get a paycheck, and live right?  Nope, it's not that easy.  Like a fly that gets trapped in a light bulb, someone will get caught up in the storm of garbage.  Crap will swirl around, and you'll get hit in the face by something.  It doesn't matter if you've been good or bad; the crap will hit you in the face no matter what.  I don't want to be around when that happens.  Even if you try to avoid everything, it'll try to follow you.   In such a catastrophic universe, I want to be as far away from this source of crap spewing out from its core.  I would like to blame someone, but there's no exact source.  It just emanates from people and travels real fast from one end of the room to the next like how gossip spreads like a wild fire.

What am I to do?  I have myself boxed in right where I don't want to be.  I want to work somewhere fun.  I want to be somewhere I don't have to worry about people looking over my shoulder if I screwed up.  Unfortunately, there are not many jobs out there that are fun to begin with.  Whatever, I just have to endure the pain of living and above all else not care.                  

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Wednesday - My First Time Ever in the Operating Room

For the first time, I was invited to participate in the operating room as an observer.  My department deals with the C-Arm when they need to take x-rays for the procedure.  Before anything, we had to put on scrubs to be as sterile and clean as possible.  We also had to make sure to put on a protective, lead apron.  I was very cautious in where I stepped, because you're not allowed to touch the sterile field.  Basically, our job was to setup the room without screwing up the place.  The procedure was for kidney stone removal through retrograde flushing.  That's when they insert a stent up the urethra and blast water up the kidneys, then the stone(s) slowly flush out.  The C-Arm is needed to see what's going on inside of the ureters.  The good news was that there was no blood involved.  The bad news is that the procedure was still very nasty.  The anesthesiologist is the one who's responsible for sticking the air tubes and monitoring the patient's vitality signs throughout the procedure.  He was also responsible for documenting changes in temperature, oxygen, and air intake.  It was basically his job to keep the patient alive before, during, and after the procedure.  The whole thing lasted about an hour.  The doctor did not have a fun time performing such a task.  He was cursing like a sailor and went through different sizes of tubes and instruments before completely removing the kidney stone.  Even though the whole thing was a big mess, everyone chipped in to help and the job was successfully completed.

It was hard for me to be there watching the whole thing, but I knew my future career was on the line and that this job wasn't as bad as so many other jobs out there.  I needed to be there; and I need the experience.  It was another whole new environment for me, but I actually understood the language the doctors were using.  I guess all that schooling, studying, and book reading helped after all?  I was also talking and interviewing a lot of workers there as well.  I can tell that the schooling and the job was hard on them.  Any job at the hospital is no easy task, even the janitor.  They got to clean the toilets and poop all the time.  I almost even dozed off while watching the operation, but I managed to pretend long enough to be awake and alert.  

None the less, I have one more day left in the week interning at the hospital until my short weekend time off.  It's been a grueling experience, and I don't know how much longer I can survive in this field.  I'm going to continue to try my hardest and do my best.  I have to practice being more aggressive and taking on cases by myself.  I also need to learn how to work independently with others.  My line of work encompasses all of these things, which I could improve more upon through working harder, sacrificing more, and taking on more risk.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Tuesday - Another Day of Drama

I don't like work.  I don't like people.  I just don't like it.  My nature dictates that of someone who doesn't even give a crap, yet everyone looks at me because I'm the guy who's there.  To be honest, I don't want to be there.  I wish I was invisible.  I don't get merit or reward for helping others.  All I'm looking for is three meals a day and hopefully a paycheck.  Everything else is just unnecessary baggage.

Working at a hospital really sucks.  My "I don't give a crap attitude" isn't helping at all.  I just do what is required of me to perform.  They want us to run into "the fire" and to grab cases.  Why in God's name would anyone do this voluntarily without pay is beyond my imagination.  Who am I kidding?  I don't want to be there.  I just need to complete my schooling for another full year.

How will I ever survive all this dramatic semester?  Good lord, does it look like I'm the guy you should be talking to about your uncle who's in the hospital?  Does it look like I give a crap?  Unfortunately, most people would say "Yes" and say that I look like a doctor.  No, please do not load your undesirable baggage onto me when the crap hits the ceiling fan.  Unless I have God given powers, than it would be okay.  Any who, people want me to say positive, good things about them even though it's an awful lie.  I have to lie my way through as best a possible and sugar coat everything just to establish trust and confidence in others.  The slightest breeze can turn a situation or person into a hostile nightmare.  It's just that crazy.  The level of craziness I have to deal is just unbearable.  I'm not sure how much longer I can last in this political, hostile environment.  The worst part is that some people take me too seriously.  I don't care.  Life has to go on with or without a sugar coated answer.            

Don't get so excited!?  "Jesus Christ, I don't care" that is exactly what I'm going to say to people from now on who bring up drama and gossip.  That or raise my middle finger, whichever one is more convincing at the time.  I don't have money; therefore whatever I say or do has very little or no meaning whatsoever.  I don't have the money to invest in some kind of relationship or marriage proposal.  Hell, I'm not even sure networking with people has ever worked in a positive light for me.  It's like my astrological sign is that of a homeless man.  He knows nothing more than to take care of himself and to survive, period.  Everything else more complicated or technical involving networking and politics gets sent straight into the garbage can.  These things do not matter to a homeless man.  A homeless man does not care much for anything except for three meals a day.  "I have zero dollars in my pocket; I am a homeless; I don't care" that is my reasoning; that is what I must say to anyone who questions the validity of my choice of words or actions.  No money; no problems.  At some point in time, I just stop caring.  How am I to care when there's absolutely no money, no food, or free handouts involved for my valiant efforts?  This is humanity at its finest.  Such is the life a homeless.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Monday Morning - Getting Back into the Grind

Well, I'm back to the rat race.  My vacation is well over due, and I'm back interning at a hospital in a really ghetto city.  Do you know all those hot television shows that kids love to watch back in the day like Doogie Howser, Scrubs, Nurse Jackie, House, and Dr. Oz!?  Wouldn't you love to work in a hospital!?  My honest truth is you don't.  I sure as hell do not want to.  Long story short, it's been 1 out of the 2 years so far I need to survive the radiology program.  Several students have already dropped out due to various reasons.  Either a student can't pass the written exams that involves textbooks, or they can't deal with patients.  My case is that I can't deal with patients.  It's a horrifying experience for me to be in with anyone else, especially if they're sick.  If it is one thing people have it's the ability to expose other people's flaws and weaknesses.  The amount of blame and wild accusations runs rampant and wild.  I cannot deal with all of the back stabbing, political issues people have with one another.  I especially cannot deal with talkative women who do nothing but complain and nag.  Simply, I do not want to be there.  I would rather bag groceries at the supermarket or be the dumbest life guard on duty at a local swimming pool.  Being around people here is not for the faint of heart.  There's a whole lot of baggage that you have to deal with.  Some guy even dropped a pile of urine on the floor today while trying to pee in a cup for a urine sample.  Another one just peed all over the place while standing to take a simple x-ray.  All of this daily nonsense adds up nonstop.  For me, it's not worth it.  I do not want to work at a hospital.  I do not care about the money.  I would advise kids to stay very far away from a health and/or medical profession.  You do not want to deal with these people.  If you thought customers were bad, patients are even worse.

I'm not here to lie to you.  I'm not here to sell you anything.  I know what I'm saying is not what people want to hear, but for me it's the truth.  Of course, everyone wants to make that money.  I want to make that money, but it's just not worth dealing with people.  You must be a very special person to be able to work with others so closely and actually enjoy the experience.  I don't enjoy the experience of running towards trouble and help solve the problem at hand.  Life is already full of a lot crap and working at a hospital just makes it worse.  As I've said before, I'm not sure how much any longer I can survive in this program.  I have the physical strength to persevere, I have the mental strength to pass the written exams, but when it comes to dealing with the emotional drama of everyday people Lord have mercy.

Child support may very well never be paid by the likes of me.  Now, I don't even care about the money.  I see what happens to everyday people and health is definitely top priority.  Sure, I want nice things that cost a lot of money; but the amount of work I would have to pull everything off would be too crushing and detrimental to my very core and being.  It's best if I just rolled into a another job that doesn't require having as much direct contact with people.  I don't know when this will happen, but I'm prepared for it if it does.  Paying more money for a better education has never helped the likes of me either.  Perhaps, I've just been in the wrong field for my entire life?  Obviously, I've walked down the wrong path believing in others and listening to what they wanted.  I need to focus more on what I want.  Working at in a hospital is not something I want; it's probably the last thing I want to do with my life.  I know I'm a jerk and should stay out even if it means making less money.  At this point, sustaining a one bedroom apartment and eating 3 meals a day is good enough for me.  What else can I tell my readers?  There's no hope for you unless you take advantage of whatever natural talent you possess in a particular field and work hard to develop that talent for a specialized trade, skill, and/or industry that's highly marketable.  For everyone else, there's the option of dying young and leaving behind a beautiful corpse.                

Friday, July 11, 2014

Scouring the World

Well, my intensive workout sessions seem to be slowing down soon.  My schooling is about to start up on Monday.  I will try to incorporate a light workout here and there just to keep fit.  School is full of a lot of garbage.  It's not what you want; it's what the teacher wants.  You have to do what the teacher wants, and they charge you tuition money for doing what they want.  Basically, it's like paying to work.  A lot of the times you aren't even learning what subjects you're interested in or have passion for; the school system just wants you to keep paying money for requirement classes that no one cares about.  No one really wants to care about these mediocre things like grades; they just want to improve their skill level,  actually learn something new, or become competent at something.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of professionals just want to see some stupid "A" on your report card; which is meaningless if you didn't actually learn anything in the long run.  To have passion and grasp a particular subject because you love doing it, means a lot more than a stupid grade letter and to look good only on paper.  I don't want to be fooled and be tricked that achieving good grades will lead to a better career or job.  I want to know that I'm in school for something I love and am willing to take care of, as opposed to trying to trick the system and leave with a report card with all "A"s on it.  I know this, because all my life I've been tricking the system and getting "A"s.  The whole system is dumb.  Once you get that A in whatever subject, you forget everything.  It's completely pointless, except it looks good on paper.  All the "professionals" love seeing it on a resume for whatever reason.  It's false hope.  What really matters is that you love what you are doing and that it's important to you.  When you wake up early in the morning, you know in your heart that's what you want to do.  That is the attitude I want in life.  I want to wake up and do something that I love for a job as opposed to trying to cheat the system and look good on paper.  Forget about looking good on paper, forget about grades, and look what's in your heart and decide for yourself what you want to do in life.

Well, I got myself into the x-ray program.  My job is to take people's x-rays.  It's a two year program.  It's not easy, but thank God I have the Unemployment Tuition Waiver program on my side.  Much like working in any other medical or pharmaceutical company, sick people suck.  SICK PEOPLE SUCK.  It's not going to change, but they are your "customers".  I guess I'm use to it, but I see it as a business.  Some employees will look you in the eye and try to lie to your face and tell you that they actually care about their patients; but have you ever seen the size of their paychecks.  People in healthcare should be Hollywood actors!  Like everything else, it's a business.  How to manage and deal with sick people is the name of the game and business.  I love the business of getting things moving:  People coming in, getting the job done; and watching them leave.  I'm love the logistics of the whole thing.  I'm not a natural humanitarian, so it's hard for me at times.  I like to see numbers; I like to see things on the computer.  If it's not on the computer, it's fluff to me. Like a 200 pound weight, an x-ray image cannot lie.  People can lie and be emotional all the time, but science cannot.  Dealing with people is a challenge for me.  Their emotional, their scared, they want things, their dependent on others all the time, they yell, they curse at you, and it's hard to deal with all the baggage they try to dump on you when you're the one responsible to help them.  Like an overflowed toilet, the poop gets stuck on the bottom and everything starts flowing out.  Sick people are not much very different.  We've all been sick before, but some cases are worse than others.  I can only imagine that the medical field must be hard for everyone.  It's fine for me to perform somewhere that is quiet, but when you add a live person all hell breaks loose.  The crying, the level of trust, the eye contact, the no touching, the pregnancy, the age, the birth date, the relatives, the language barrier, the whatever; a medical professional must be able to deal with all of this baggage.  Sick people are like big babies.  The easiest thing for me to do is talk to them and ask them about themselves, since people love talking about themselves and their war stories.  I have to work a 6.5 hour shift and can care less.  Another factor is the level of perfectionism that's required in the healthcare field.  Everything must be done right the first time.  It's not like McDonald's or K-Mart where it's acceptable to offer refunds or mess up an order, sick people are big babies and need super attention that can drain you like a vampire. It's no wonder why so many doctors appear to be cold and callous, because the line of work is really difficult.  It's like having kids, and you're the dad/mom.  Well, I'm sure as hell am not the father.

Essentially, all jobs require that someone else sees your work.  It's not about you:  It's about the other person; and that's why you're getting paid for XYZ.  If this x-ray healthcare field doesn't workout for me because I'm too much of a jerk, I may move onto somewhere else where I can screw up and things wouldn't matter much like retail.  As a child, I saw foreign immigrants and mentally challenged people bagging groceries for a living and thought I never ever wanted to do that for a living.  Unfortunately, if I don't start thinking outside the box that's going to be me.  Well, it's just that I was educated with a college degree.  I should at least be trying to strive for something more out of life, but I always seem to want to stay in the same level of comfort zone.  Meeting new companies, cold calling, sending out new resumes, following up, sending thank you letters, shaking hands, making eye contact, dressing up, being judged, all of these crazy things must be compressed and ironed into one little tight package before being ready to deployed into the workforce.  

Here's a recent example that I just came back from.  A lot of these classics are sold 75% off on clearance. My job is just to scout out any potential money makers and store it.  I do not need to pay money for tuition; I just jump right into business.  No college required:  Just pure arbitrage.  This Venom and Spiderman tablet case cost me a total of $5.35.  I can easily resell it at $20 right now or wait a year for it to be a collector's item, where it would be worth much more when they run out of print.  Here's the tricky part, if I sell too early I can lose out on potential profit.  I can grab that $20 now or wait for interest like a US Savings Bond.  I have to make that decision of making a quick buck or keeping it in storage.  No matter what the same principal is always applied:  Buy low and sell high.  This is not short selling either.  Sometimes it takes weeks or months.  It's something like a hobby.  You can't obsess over sales, or you won't get any.  It's not like a rapid, fire business of a brick and motor store.  Things may happen only weekly, quarterly, semiannually, or even annually.  It's just like appreciating dividends.  You don't expect to make dividends on a daily basis.  The shortest dividend payout is monthly, followed by quarterly, semiannually, and yearly.  Just look at it as dividends to your company.  It's just an additional side job or business at the moment.  To be able to sell daily, you need to be a brick and motor store that costs a serious amount of loot, overhead, employees, paper work, taxes, and serious people skills.  If I really ever wanted that, I would just work at a real retail store as a manager.  I don't think I'll ever be a manager of a store.  The customers will drive you nuts, and all I'd want to do is leave.  Sure, there are some nice people out there; but a lot of them are extremely nasty. They talk on their cell phones, they smoke, they spit, they argue, they bring their kids, they will literally crap all over the place on the floor, etc.  We're all guilty of these things, but times that by ten and you have a lot of baggage to deal with.  I don't want anywhere near that crap.  I don't even want to be bothered by whatever nonsense the customer is trying to convey to me of what's wrong.  For example, an old lady trying to return makeup because it doesn't make her face look any younger.  When your seventy years old, life will do that to you no matter what L'Oreal product you buy.  The complaints; the returns; the receipts; the crying kids; the old people; the whatever.  The hell with it; I would just own a small hobby shop and cater to a specific customer or clientele that doesn't involve a swarm of messed up people.  I'm well aware that my humanity is lacking in nature; but what I want is good workflow.  Even with all the drama involved with living going on, my goal and focus is always to run a smooth transaction of business and operations.  Things that cost money need to be logical or make sense to some degree, or I won't do it.                    

Where do you want to work?  No, really WHERE DO YOU WANT TO WORK?  Not what your parents' want, not what your teachers' want, not where your friends' want; WHERE DO YOU WANT TO WORK? When I ask myself this question, I really don't know.  I wouldn't want to work anywhere to be honest.  All jobs kind of suck in their own way, shape, or form; but I need money to survive just like everyone else. Well, I know I like computers.  I do like handling finances, but I also know I don't like having to talk to the vast majority of people.  People and money go hand in hand together.  You can't have one without the other. I know I hate customer service.  Perhaps something further down the road  in IT or computer science would well suit me like a latex glove.  I wouldn't mind spending more time baby sitting my computer.  I can't get involved with people.  There's just too much drama, too much blame, too much "he said; she said", too much law, too many rules and regulations; too much politics, too much baggage; too many baby moma'; too much everything!?  Ideally, I would be something simple as a purchasing manager.  I just buy stuff really cheap or on sale for my company to sell as a product or service.  That's exactly what I'm going to do:  Call myself a purchasing manager for my own company; buy good products on clearance/sale; continue to sell in a global market connected by the internet; buildup my company name; avoid making eye contact with crazy people; rinse and repeat.  I like a computer, a cup of coffee, invest and trade stocks, and maybe something not too hard to solve or play with.  When little kids ask me what I do, I tell them "I'm a purchasing manager".  When an adult asks me what I do, I tell them "I'm an x-ray technician".          

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Wednesday - Tired but Hungry

I woke up at 10AM only to realize I did nothing for the day except swim.  I barely had enough energy after to workout with some free weights.  Thankfully, I received a family donation of Cliff protein bars.  With 20 grams of protein in each bar, these things are great!  I have to give them a try soon.  Even after eating through a banana, a soy protein shake, 2 egg sandwiches, 4 ribs, brown rice, and randomly assorted vegetables, I still feel a bit tired.  It doesn't matter much if I eat before or after workouts.  I just need to be in the mood to workout.  Sometimes both; sometimes not at all.  I just hope to be able to get up before the day is over and get in a workout.  I've realized that I don't ever workout 6 times a week, and if I ever do it's probably because I have nothing else on my laundry list of stuff to do.  How anyone can workout 6 times a week is beyond me.  Some days I just need to rest and sleep in.  If I can get in 3 workout days a week that would be great!  My overall goal is not to lose weight or become a body building champion, but to gain more muscle than fat and to be more energetic and healthy.  I don't like feeling tired or sick.  I always want to feel strong and competent.  I only weigh around 130 lbs.  If I can get 5 or 10 more pounds of solid muscle in that would be fantastic!
This is the reality, and I have to use whatever resources I have to stay healthy and buildup successful habits for the long run.  I lack the discipline and anal attention span of having a strict diet and exercise plan like most professionals.  Instead, I mostly workout when and where my body feels like it; but always holding on to the fact that these things should be done daily on a routine basis if possible.  If I can't workout for whatever reason, my body will go into sleep or resting mode and that's perfectly fine.  Atrophy is when the muscles start to deteriorate after one does not workout for a long period of time.  I'm fully aware of the pathology involved in not keeping up with working out as well.  The key is balance:  You can't overwork out, and you can't not work out.  Having a balanced way of life benefits both your mind and body.

What do all of these crazy workouts actually mean?  Why not just stay in your comfort zone where you sit on the couch and watch television?  Why not just blow all your money on booze and cheap hookers?  "Want" is what I'm looking for.  An individual must truly "want" something to begin with.  Fabulous things and goals can't be obtained unless something is actually wanted in the first place.  You must want and be hungry.  You must have a high level of interest otherwise nothing will happen.  Stay hungry and.strive for what you want in life!  Don't settle and be like the everyone else.  Once you achieved your goal, raise your bar higher.  That's how you keep building and moving forward.      

I ate the Cliff bar soon after my workout and took a selfie.  Most of the ingredients on the bar said "soy protein".  I believed I had been had, but I don't care much really.  I can work on my abs a bit more, as well as my lower back.  Those are some hard to hit areas.  I need to do additional research if I ever want to further develop those hard to reach muscle areas.  None the less, I had three weeks of vacation and decided to work out to the fullest.  I can't complain about my results.  I'm proud of myself for not sitting on the couch and watching television.  May I continue to benefit a life full of fitness and hard work.  

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Tuesday's Vacation

The good news is that I'm still riding on my vacation week.  I'm not obligated to work or do anything today.  I just wanted to take the time and reflect on my laziness.  I got up at around 9AM with my muscles still sore from last night's workout.  With my muscles sore, I do not plan on much exercising today except for a swim and light workout.  Ever since waking up in the morning, I headed straight to the computer.  Well, I'm down for the count today.  I just don't have it in me to be posting anything of much interest as of the moment.  A big workout the day before usually makes me real tired the next day.  I'll be around and about.  Hopefully, I'll get some rest.

But wait a minute, I just told you guys I was tired and taking a break for the day?  That's what I thought, but all the sudden I swam for an hour or two.  My main focus was to improve my butterflies.  I wanted the hardest exercise to perform, so I can maximize whatever time I can sustain at the pool.  At 7PM I feel like going back to the gym and working out again!  The energy I feel right now is enough to get a workout in before sleep.  From 7PM until the rest of the night, I will continue to get my work out completed.  Rarely, do I ever work out this much; but I'm on vacation and fortunately have an excessive amount of time to burn.

 So what have I been eating throughout the whole day?  I had whatever was available at the time such as rice, chicken, beef, noodles, and assorted mixed vegetables. I always continue to eat  everyday to get full and feed my natural hunger.  I try to avoid fats, sugar, soda, and of course candy.  After swimming, I even took a gulp of soy protein to rebuild my muscles with its high amino acid count.  I can't wait to move on to whey protein.  None the less, it's important that I keep exercising daily and eating right to maximize my overall health.

A good question that comes to mind:  Am I as strong as Bruce Lee (since it's very easy to see that I look exactly him).  The truth is simple, NO.  Since his youth, he was very talented to the point he was on Hong Kong television.  Next, his reaction time to flying objects is that of a cat.  Third, he took the initiative to participate in as many street fights as humanly possible without any regards to his own safety or the safety of others.  Forth, he could do push ups with his fingers.  His finger strength contributed to a lot of his raw power.  Since the invention of video games, finger strength was dealt away with the creation of button mashing that only required mindless finger tapping.  Fifth, he was very flexible.  It was easy for him to do splits, cartwheels, back flips, and getting up off the floor.  Last but not least, he even beat Chuck Norris in one of his classic movies.  Clearly, Bruce Lead was way ahead of his time.  Unfortunately, like so many of "The Greats", he's dead; but now you guys have me.  Why do all the good people have to die so young?  Why is it that neither you or me ever embodies one of these "The Greats"?  Well, I guess it's something that I'll always have to work on.  That day may never come, but the important thing is that we are still alive and healthy.                

Well, it's 9PM and the work out mission was a complete fail.  Instead, I took a walk because the gym was occupied with a housing meeting.  When stuff like that happens, it means that I should take it easy and give working out a break.  Well, I'm tired.  I'm off to retire for the night.  May I have the energy to workout tomorrow and give it my all.

Monday, July 7, 2014

The Dreaded Monday Morning

Behold!  It's that time again!  Yes, Monday morning!  Thankfully, I have the rest of the week off to relax.  Unfortunately, to go and have fun takes a lot of money out of a man.  You would think I the ordinary man would go out and spend all my money on parties and friends, but times are rough.  I'm on the budget plan.  Hell, I've been on the budget plan all my life.  I have nothing to show for it.  I'm not much different than the hobo who has been eating outside of the trash can outside on the streets of New York City.  As a result, instead of going out on a rampage of rampant money spending; I guess I'm having just as much fun writing and continuing my new blog to the best of my abilities.

So we all face the same challenge every week:  How the hell do you get up on a Monday morning?  Well, I noticed the time was a bit after 8AM.  I slept at around 11:30PM.  That's a total about 7 hours.  I felt somewhat recharged, but always a little big groggy here and there.  Soon, the laziness kicked in and I didn't know what direction I should be going.  After rushing to complete my daily chores of taking care of brushing my teeth and putting on some fresh clothes, I realized I was still the same, old Solomon.  But wait a minute?  Didn't I say I was going to be the best me I can be just the other day!?  Why do I still feel like the same, old lazy homeless guy?  What is this perpetual, homeless mechanical man still doing walking around in circles?  Obviously, I have mistakenly boxed myself in from the very start of the day.  I have now identified the problem like so many times before:  I am not a morning person.  Some of the most successful people on the planet are morning people.  They wake up really early in the morning before anyone else, jump immediately to the gym, workout, and drive off to their fancy business to start the day.  I am such a morning fail.  Over the past years, I've tried to remedy this pattern of mine.  I've tried sleeping as early as 8PM; I've tried exercising late at night; I've tried avoid eating at night so the stomach/liver can take a rest; I've tried drinking water; I've tried different alarm clocks; nothing seems to work.  I am just the ultimate bum.  My body will always gravitate towards waking up and properly functioning later in the day.  My arms still feel tired from working out yesterday.  I'm just not a morning person whatsoever.

Well, it doesn't seem like I won the genetic lottery on being a morning person.  In an hour or two, my body will naturally wake itself up; but by then the power hours of the day will already be gone!  Why am I even bothering comparing myself to other people who I'm clearly not!?  I'm my own, unique individual that operates on my own timeline.  It's great that everyone else can beat me in the morning, but what is someone like me to do who gets up later in the day?  I don't want to feel inadequate about having to wake up later than the normal crowd of successful people, so I'll just have to work with whatever I can salvage.  One of the main keys is to do whatever makes you feel good and maximize it as much as you can.  Waking up early in the morning does not make me feel good in any way, shape, or form.  I feel much better waking up later in the day, so that is what I'm going to have to work with.  Even though I'll probably never wake up at 5AM to run a mile like they do in the military; I'll be happy to get in a workout at 3PM.  As a result, I'm also aware that working with other people in the morning time must be avoided at all cost.  I've been fired from a bunch of mediocre job positions that all required morning times.  I'm just not cut out for morning roles.

Well, it is my vacation.  I need to relax.  I need to calm down.  All of these crazy ideas of working and making money needs to take a break at some point for any given person.  We're not machines; we're not robots.

I came back from a swim at around 2PM.  Originally, I left "my office" abruptly at 11PM as predicted.  I walked to the community pool, sat down, and swam a few laps.  Without knowing it, I got my cardio workout for the day.  I love swimming in the morning just to wake up and feel more energized.  Later, I took a shower and sat down some more to relax.  That was basically my whole morning.  I really didn't accomplish much except for getting in a swim.  Was that really so hard of a life?  Not at all; it was fun except the part of waking up, fresh out of bed.  

Now, it is an all out battle to complete the rest of my day.  I have packages to delivery from "my business", refund checks to cash in at the bank, and other daily stuff I do to keep busy.  If my body is up to it, I will even complete a weight lifting work out that'll include routine  push ups, sit ups, free weights, butterflies, squats and everything else I can possibly squeeze in before passing out and retiring for the night.

It is now 3:30, and I am at the local library using my ghetto pad, a $25 Android tablet, to write as I waltz through.  It is a bit slow to navigate, but fairly usable.  I will post another review on buying a tablet.  I will even post a picture using its camera.  Well, that was very annoying.  It is hard to manage.  This picture thing is mad ghetto.  It's a horrific experience trying to land a picture in the blog as well as trying to type.  I had to go back and edit a bit, because trying to type and load the image on the screen was really painful on my neck.  That's the kind of pictures I get using my ghetto pad.  It's a bit grainy and old school.
Here's is the monstrosity responsible for producing such a picture.  There you have it ladies and gentlemen:  The $25 ghetto pad in its prime and glory.  It's called the "Sero 7 Lite".  I bought it off of the website newegg.  The price always changes, but during the time it was $40 and get back a $15 rebate in credit gift card money.  I wanted something that was cheap and reliable.  Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be able to handle more than one website at a time.  I do not recommend this product to a friend.  I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into.  I just wanted something that was functional at a low cost, and it is.  I wouldn't even play games on it.  I just like to use it for checking emails, youtube, facebook, stocks, sales, etc.  I'm even trying to see if it can scan barcodes.  Unfortunately, the one sided camera sucks too much for the app to work with the scanner.  It is not functional for scanning bar codes. As long as if you are connected to a wi-fi source, you can just google the product anyways for whatever low price you are looking for.  Everything else seems to be functional at the moment.  I was never going to use this ghetto pad for anything heavy. Measuring 7" and costing $25, there's very little or nothing to lose.  So there's a fully functional computer out there for $25?  Why not send them to Africa?  First of all, there's a "1 rebates per household limit".  Second of all, if God/life/universe really wanted me to be doing anything philanthropic work I'd already have the money to do it; which I obviously don't.  Finally, I don't care enough or even have the slightest human capacity.  Life is hard enough as it already is for me.  I do not need someone trying to shove a Bible down my throat and trying to direct me to a path of brain washing.  Thank God for someone like Bill Gates though.  I'm sure people like him will help those poor people in Africa.  As for me, I'm still just trying to survive in America!  I got to keep it real or the consequences can be dire.  This is not "Keeping up with the Kardashians", and I sure as hell am not Kim!         

It's now around 10PM.  Luckily, I manged to get out of my rut at 8PM after dinner and walk down to the gym.  I worked out straight until 9PM, performed some leg exercises soon after, and hit the shower.  When I came back, it was already 10PM!  That's around 2 hours of exercise.  What a great feeling it is to know that I managed to get up from my sloth like routine after dinner and hit the gym!  I also ordered whey protein this time.  I didn't want to return my soy protein.  I will just switch between the two for economical purposes.  I'm hoping to receive the benefits of both whey and soy protein.  Of course, I'm thrilled to document any results that may take place during my new diet experiment.  Eventually, I'll be doing whey only and document that as well.  In the end, I will present a full report on the difference of taking nothing, Spiru-Tein,
Muscle Milk, soy protein, and whey protein.  It'll be like a science experiment with a controlled and variable study.  I'm looking forward to conducting my own research.  As I prepare to retire for the rest of the whole night,  my manic Monday comes to an end.  What will tomorrow bring?  There are no guarantees, but I will continue to strive and reach for the stars!

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Sunday - The Day before the Dreaded Monday

Well, now that the weekend is slowly dying down; I can feel the dreaded Monday morning already trying to creep up on me and the unsuspecting public.  All of the rush of trying to be busy and being productive washed away on the weekend, only to float back up onto the shore like it never left.  Monday morning, that teary, shut eye that doesn't want to wake up and smell the coffee.  That gross feeling of being too lazy to get up out of bed and sinking further, deeper into the earth.  I can only imagine Monday mornings is difficult just for about everyone.  That's why you need important things like inspiration, motivation, and goals.  Without the will or discipline, there's no reason for anyone to be getting up and rising out of bed.  We would all just be fat and lazy.  There must be a key inside of each person that unlocks the secret, unlimited potential of the human spirit to achieve those things in life that are otherwise unreachable through mediocre, mechanical means and actions.  Unfortunately, not many people want to open this door of unlimited potential because they maybe afraid of failure or even success for that matter.  The end result is what we commonly see everyday of people stuck in same dead end 9-5 jobs.  I don't want to be like "the everyone else".  It's my goal to strive to be able to work for myself and set my own hours; or at least have a job that doesn't suck.  We've all been there of having to work under someone else that we hate, but I believe in some alternate universe there can be someone out there that you will love working for even if it happens to be yourself.  God, I wish I won the lottery or at least inherited a ton of money.  Instead of squandering the money on overpriced luxuries, I would put the money into a new start up company or at least buildup my already existing one.  Yes, I have an already existing business in mind that's somewhat functional and in operating condition.  Much like how Google or Apple was started, mine also happens to be starting out in the household basement/garage.  I will have to fish out a decent picture.  Behold!  My makeshift business model!
Things are constantly sold in and out at random times during the day and night.  There's a very low cost of overhead, because guess what!?  It's in the basement!  Instead of spending thousands of dollars on space like ordinary retail stores, mine is just secretly hidden and stuffed inside of the basement walls!  The internet is mostly responsible for all of my hit sales and customers.  I'm responsible for keeping the goods and products lined up.  Like an over sized deck of playing cards, my fundamental job is to hunt down more and more products.  America is lacking in manufacturing plants, which means that everything is "Made in China".  Most retail stores just order their products from large, wholesalers.  As a small businessman, I do not have the resources to produce my own manufactured goods.  It would just take too much time to design engineering plans, patents, copyrights, legal documents of ownership, etc.  What someone in my shoes can do is find an already existing product and make it better.  To make an existing product better is simple:  Just lower the price.  The key is to be able to find a extremely low buying price, buy out the entire stock, and resell it (keeping in mind that your resell prices are some of the lowest in comparison to your competitors).  The point of being able to find what's out there is not limiting yourself to one source, thus being able to escape boxing yourself in.  You have to do your own research, your own detective work, and your own hunting.  No one is going to tell you what is right or wrong:  You have to use your own creative mind and do it yourself.  In the below picture is just sample of how I operate and think.
I want things to run smoothly, well lubricated like a soda machine.  A customer finds the product, wants it, and pays for it.  My job is to keep the item in stock, take their money, and ship them the product.  It's that simple!  Forget about the $50,000 you just wasted on a college education that never lead to a job, I have my own plan!  College is another horror story people should try to avoid these days.  College isn't for everyone.  It's a sad reality, but college is not what it used to be.  Never box yourself in, believing that some expensive school is the end all of solutions to a great future of a high paying salary and health insurance benefits.  In any event, I love my makeshift business plan.  It runs and operates like a well, oiled machine.  

But seriously, with everyone in believing in Jesus and Buddha is this it?  Is a hole in the wall with a bunch of random ass goods the mecca of my sole propriety of business?  Are you kidding me?  No, I'm not joking.  The world is not ready for the likes of me.  This is how I hold my own in this world.  There is no magical God helping me in any way, shape, or form; and if I were to run the show by myself it would most likely look exactly like this.  Yes, it's a very scary reality where time and resources is very limited.  It's unfortunate, but this is the one night stand of my pride and joy that won't be forgotten.

Five years down the road, how will things look?  Is there a future for such a place?  Am I destined to succeed or fail in business with only a tiny basement?  I look toward Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Larry Page, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, and other superstars who have beaten the odds and became self-made men worth millions of dollars.  As for me, things look grim; but I know that I still have time to change for the better; to make things right once with the world and to become the best version, alternate reality of "me" I can be in this world that's happening right now.  It's not going to be easy; it's never going to be easy; but one day the stars will align properly; and I'll be one step closer to my goal of becoming a sufficient self-made man.  Is it real or just a crazy fantasy?

Where's this supply chain of products coming from?  I can't manufacture my own products!?  But wait a minute, Steve Jobs did it.  I saw myself in a room like Steve Jobs, and it became more and more clear that I could pull off my own starter company.  No one has ever heard of me, but yet people buy my products; so I must have something unique.  Yet, there was a problem.  This wasn't a traditional business model for everyone else.  This wasn't something that people are use to.  I had my doubts.  No one else talks about drilling a hole in the wall and making a business out of nothing.  It doesn't bother me.  The key is to hold on to my vision of starting my own fully, functional company.  Focus!  Solomon you got to focus and work hard! Whatever it takes, I will do.