PLAN: AGGRESSIVE NEED TO CHNAGE

I sleep a lot.  I need to break out of this homeless lifestyle of a habit.  Here are some simple solutions:

• GO TO THE LIBRARY
• It doesn't matter if you are actively reading or being a hardcore nerd.  Dropping everything you're doing at home and jetting off to the library will save you a lot of heart ache and trouble.  Leave everything at the door and go to the library.  No need to worry about anyone else but yourself.  Just go to the library.  There's just too much bullshit floating around.  You need to concentrate and focus on your industry, and the only way to do that is by changing your environment.  You have to leave your home and go to the library.  You can't work at home.  You can't read at home.  There are just too many God damn distractions.  Just go to the library.   
• GO TO THE GYM
• Going to the gym was working for me, because I was paying $130 a month.  Yes, $130 USD a month for all the whole spiel.  It had all the amenities like sauna, hot tub, Olympic sized swimming pool, heated pool, gym equipment, lights, couches, rowing machine, biking machines, yoga room, etc.  You also get that nice supportive social environment.  When you see "everyone else" moving around and exercising, it propels you to do the same.  This is the main reason why staying at home is so dangerous and is a potential death trap.  Unless you are super motivated and disciplined, you're not going to workout.  Instead, you will most likely procrastinate!  This is 99% true.  No one works out at home.  I'm sorry, but buying gym equipment as seen on TV is not going to save your ass from being fat.  There is a fundamental element missing.  If no one else is around working out, the chances are you will not as well.  People are social creatures.  If you see people working out, you're most likely going to do the same.  Sadly, I don't workout as much as I would like to at home.  Yes, we can all use the same we have at home to workout but never do it.  Why?  Because that fundamental social element is non-existing.  Why do anything when you can go to sleep or laze on the couch and sleep?  This is the deathtrap you want to avoid.  A sedentary lifestyle and living it up  in your comfort zone is the true enemy.     
• Have your gym bag ready
• Have your shoes ready
• Have your water/food ready
• Have anything ready the day before 
• Be ready to get out of your house or else be trapped by the ways of the sedentary lifestyle and/or comfort zone

Well, that's my 2 cents for the day.  This is something I need to work on everyday.  Without my $130 gym membership, I am back to being a nobody.  I have to grind it out by myself with less resources.  This is the ultimate test, being able to workout and do yourself without all the fancy gadgets and gizmos surrounding you. 

Thank you for stopping by. I hope someone would read this if they are facing the same daily struggle through life.   

THE FINAL RESULTS

Well, I'm back since what seemed to be "forever". Actual events occurred and happened, and I'm here to report back.  Crazy shit happens, feelings are hurt, words are said, yelling explodes, shots were fired, salt is poured, etc. but what do I ever get out of this mess?  No, I don't want to go home empty handed and feel like a chump.  At the end of the day, we all want to go home with a paycheck.  No, I don't want to hear any more drama.  No, I don't want to take home the fat, fugly sister-in-law no one likes.  No, I don't want to be lectured by someone's overbearing parent about something stupid.  I can care less about all the garbage humanity has to go through to survive.  What matters to me the most is my golden parachute when I decide to get the hell out of here.

As you can see, I don't get much out of it.  I only purchased 10 shares of Facebook back in the day when the IPO came out and have about +440.50% gains 10 years down the road somewhere.  My stock portfolio is only worth about $6,000, which is just enough monies to cover 1 month stay at a nursing home.  All my other investments aren't even worth mentioning, because of how pitiful it has been.  Anything even remotely related to cryptocurrency has been reduced to a pile of bullshit.  With that out of the way, I'm going to sell off my current portfolio and redistribute everything inside of Vanguard.  No, I don't want to retire with nothing but a $6,000 portfolio and be an egotistical maniac about it. 

I guess I want 2020 to be different.  I don't want to be held back by old, negative karma.  I want things to be going up, not down.  I want to be positive.  I don't like the negative whatever.  After everything thing has been said and done, I want my money going to an investment company I can trust like Vanguard.  It's important that I have the funds to be raising up real estate so that I can be a contributing part of society.  Being poor is not cool.  Being a bum is not cool.  You don't want to be that drunk uncle stepping in the room with the family with nothing to show for it except your fat self.  

In the end, no one else cares about how hard you worked except you.  People always love seeing the results, but they never want to give a damn about the effort and hard work you put into it.  Good things don't come easy and often take a lot of time.  Again, I can't stress how much I don't care about drama.  How many of us just want to skip ahead in life and just win the lottery?  With enough money in the bank, each and every individual on this planet can come just a little bit closer to their dream. 

I don't understand why I'm so cheap and just love looking at the numbers, but that is how I really am behind closed doors.  In other words, if I ever won a game show prize I would rather select the money over the vacation being offered.  I'm not the person who loves family.  I'm not the person who loves meeting new people.  I'm not the person to comfort someone in need.  I'm not the person to be the most compassionate.  I'm not the person to be donating money.  I'm not the person to be calling in need to language translation.  I'm not the person to startup a company to help people.  I'm just not.  Ironically, society and work simply demands this out of all of us.  But who am I really?  Has my life been just a lie?  Do I just keep a front up just so other people can be happy with me, so I can make the monies behind their back(s)?

There are many things I like that people would like to see in me.  For example, leadership and communication skills.  Being salty and yelling is not an optimal way of communicating for people to get along with each other.  This is a very popular and common trait found among poor people.  A lot of constant strife, fighting, arguing, and straight up wasting away everyone's time.  Will 2020 be any different?  . . . Yeah, we need a miracle . . . 

Well, thank you for stopping by and reading my material.  No, I didn't win the lottery.  In fact, the old school way hasn't changed since forever.  We all know the vast majority of us will just go back to work in a few hours or so and keep churning that butter hoping to win the lottery, just to get away from the twisted hell hole they call a home.                   

Moving On

As you can see, my blogging and vlogging skills is no match for today's current market and upkeep to make bare minimum wage to survive.  Hell, if my financial survival was dependent on two such factors, I'd be dead by now.  I'm sorry, but making less than $10 for all of these years doesn't add up to much.  In fact, it's just a complete fail.  What is a product without its customer(s)?  What is a book without anyone to read it?  What is a doctor without a patient?  What is a universe without anyone living in it?  Would anyone even give a damn?  Would anyone even care?  Why even bother putting the time and effort into creating such work if no one is ever going to appreciate it? 

Well, my unemployment is almost dried about, which means I should be getting a job soon.  Yup, I'm gearing up to actually work in the hospital.  Right now I'm just an intern but word has it that they are going to hire me.  All I can really do is put more hours in interning at the hospital and be friendly with the staff.  No, no one wants to spend more time at the hospital but that's the job.  If you ever do find it fun to spend more time in the hospital, CONGRATULATIONS!  You've found something productive you like doing! 

. . . This shit show is over.  There's nothing here for me.  There's no money here.  There is nothing.  There is only you, the audience, my audience, my precious audience.  I must go now and prepare to work an actual job.  I must go . . . I am ready to grow up now . . . I must leave my homeless past behind. 


Thank you all for visiting.  I hope some of you have learned something thus far.  I am nothing more than a cautionary tale as to what not to do in life.  Please be sure to visit often as I do tend to write a lot from time to time at sporadic moments. 

Good bye friends . . .  I hope this is not the end.

The Bare Minimum Requirements to Make a Penny on YouTube

Well, here are the bare bones minimum requirements to make money on YouTube now.  You need a minimum of 1000 subscribers.  Congratulations if you can hit 1000 subscribers!  I barely have over 10.  I'm not entirely sure what 4000 watch hours is equivalent to but that sounds like a lot of hours of actual people watching YOUR CONTENT.  It's great that some people can accomplish and make this look so easy but what are my chances of qualifying?  This is something I definitely want to accomplish in my life time that is within my grasp.  I didn't know I had it so easy when they didn't have this requirement a year ago but now the stakes are up.  Is it even worth it anymore for someone such as myself to be spending my time and effort trying to promote myself as some kind of  primadonna YouTube star?  I have already fulfilled my prophecy by believing I can't.  

I wish there was someone I could connect with that understands what it's like to be a great creator but you feel stuck because of all the haters and negative entropy out there dragging you down to the point of making yourself feel like you can't do it, so you just end up living a mediocre life to be more like the everyone else.  When God comes knocking on my door, I want to know that I gave life a chance and that I gave it my all.  Who cares if I failed a couple of times?  What's the big deal?  Why so much hate?  Why so much criticism all the time?  Don't be afraid of failure.  Make mistakes as early on as possible and see what you are good at.  

The consistency of making creative, original content will be a major killer of the vast majority of YouTubers.  Unless you have the discipline of steel to make everyday a labor of love, you have absolutely no chance of surviving in the business world.  If you spend one day on that couch, it's already game over.  Laziness and the deadly sin of sloth will soon take control over your daily habits and rituals, which will ultimately destroy your flow of productivity.  This is something in particular that I struggle everyday.  Work is not easy.  Being productive is not easy.  Creating good habits is not easy.  Staying from old habits is not easy.  Working on the weekends when everyone else is out having fun is not easy.  This is the price you have to pay if you want success in your life.  So ask yourself if there exists anything in life worth having that doesn't require effort?

If you have ever wondered why you still live in your parent's home, it's because you're afraid to fail.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just wasting my time if I'm not making money.  Instead of thinking in terms of the negative or hating/trolling others, the least I can do is try and provide my audience with some value either it be entertainment or information.

Thank you for stopping.  My sense of intuition and sense of wonder comes and goes throughout the day but sometimes I am able to capture it with words while being on the computer.   I hope to post another time.



 

A Different Perspective

As a homeless, I don't share the same general values and wants as a typical normal person.  If a mother would to see me, she would think I'm a failure for not having kids and being a parent.  If a banker were to see me, he would think I'm a great saver by living in my parent's basement, limiting my spending money, and putting a vast majority of my earnings into a retirement fund.  I'm sorry I don't value or see having kids in this world as some kind of undeniable reward.  In fact, it's literally just more work and more effort for me, not to mention drama.  Therefore, it's clear that someone like me would not value a relationship or marriage.  I'm happy for not being at risk for paying for a divorce lawyer, battling for custody, alimony, child support, and even related therapy sessions.   

At the heart of it, I'm not very Chinese whatsoever.  I just don't like being so Chinese.  I don't express similar values or traditional ways of life.  I see these things as costly and a game that I really don't want to play.  Whoever mandated that you have to get married and have kids?  These things are always being brought up by family and friends.  I guess this is what normal people do and is just deeply ingrained in their DNA, but when someone like me sees this again after again I'm just like "No".  Where is the cool?  So traditional, so old school, so unchanging, so routine, so robotic, so predictable.  

As they say, if it's free it's for me!  There has never been a happier time in my life than having collected free government handouts such as Financial Aid for school, medicaid, Obamacare, and unemployment benefits.  Consequently, there are the hard working tax payers who absolutely hate and look down at people like me.  I am literally the darkness to your light.  Once again, I don't fit this classic Chinese stereotype of being hardworking.

I am happy being a bum.  I don't want to get involved with being Chinese.  I just don't care.  I really don't want to care.  At the end of the day, I know I'm just a bum.  What do you want me to tell you?  I want to take care of your old, of your sicks, your poor, and basically anyone else you don't want?  Do you know how much money I would need to take care of people?  It's a lot of work isn't it?  

I'm aware of what's socially going on, but the answer is "No".  I would say "Yes" if this was a nice easy life without worry and trouble, but it's set on HARDCORE so "No".  No, I don't have $200,000 to raise a child.  No, I don't have $40,000 a year for a child's college education.  No, I don't have $6000 a month to put your grandma in a nursing home.  No, I don't have $2500 for a divorce lawyer to battle over who has custody of said child.  No, I don't have $20,000 for a wedding and honeymoon.  No, I don't have $300,000 for a house.  No, I don't have $20,000 for a new car.  Hell, no one here has $1000/month to rent a tiny ass 400 ft. sq. 1 bedroom apartment.  But do the super hardcore Chinese overwhelming, Dragon mom parent personalities care about my excuses?  Nope, none whatsoever.  Sorry Dragon mom, my answer to you is "No".

. . . So . . . here comes the drama.  It's okay for a girl to say "No" to a guy for being creepy/horny/thirsty or whatever, but when the guy says "No" to the girl when it comes to marriage, it looks really bad on the guy as though he's not doing his job as a man in society.  What happens when the guy doesn't want to be a man?  He's called  such things as a "deadbeat" or "dead wood".  The battle of the sexes is obviously not fair.  As they say "It's always the guy's fault".

I was attacked today and will be continued to get attacked in the future as I cannot fulfill every traditional, Chinese cultural value on a laundry list full of shit that I could care less about.  

Thank you for stopping by.  At least I appreciate my readers and those who come here to take a peek at whatever the hell is going on with my life.  It really helps me to post and express my thoughts/feelings/opinions blogging.  I hope to see you next time!                                          

Learned Helplessness Continued

Well, it's been about a week.  Even after watching all these random youtube videos, reading self help books, financial books, business books, obtaining a college bachelor's degree, having multiple jobs, saving up money, dieting, exercising, and deploying whatever else life hacks there are under the sun, you'd think I would have amounted to something extraordinary by now?  Where is my product that I'm selling you?  What the hell is it that I'm trying to sell you?  I look down at my desk and see absolutely nothing.  Seriously, there's no product I'm trying to sell you.  It's amazing how much time and effort I put into life and there's absolutely nothing that I can call my own that I can sell you.  Like most people, I just fall under the ranks of working for someone else.  Hell, I'm not even sure I would even be termed as someone who has met the minimum requirements of self actualization.  I have contributed absolutely bare minimum to society in terms of making an impact.  Yes, I've had jobs, worked, and volunteered but all of these things really belong to someone else at the end of the day.  Where is my big thing that I can bring other people on board and contribute to make an impact in this world?  Is the vast majority of us just destined to be qualified as worker ants with very little or no life long significant impact?

I just don't get it.  It's like I'm the perfect example of "Mr. Nobody".  The most I can ever hope for is being able to afford to pay my living expenses, period.  I have never written a book.  I have never shot film using an action adventure movie script.  I've never done anything cool!?  And yet, I face harsh criticism and judgement everyday like I'm suppose to give an actual damn about all this, about my life.  Have I actually done something with my life, I would have faced even more criticism.  Either way, I'm ultimately doomed to be judged and criticized under a tiny, little microscopic lens by "the audience".  As they say life is a stage and we are just the actors and actresses abound.  If there's no money, fame, or fortune to be had, I honestly don't want to be apart of the drama.

Without the spark of creativity and intuition, what else is out there for average Joe except walking around Walmart and buying crap?  Well, I'm stuck on an evolutionary trend of being mediocre.  Until I can somehow sell something that I can call my own, I feel like I'm just like I'm just trying to get by. 

Thank you for visiting and reading another one of my blogs.  I hope to see you next time.  I can't guarantee I will change or be a better person, but I can promise you I'll be back. 

           

           

The Mental Prison - Learned Helplessness

Well, it appears that my life is about being trapped inside of a mental prison that I've constructed by myself in order to feel safe inside of my comfort zone.  I am like a chained elephant in a zoo.  At first, the elephant is wild and rampant when captured.  After being locked up and caged for a while, the elephant just gets tired of trying to escape.  Eventually, the elephant just stops giving a f*ck and accepts his fate.  What you are witnessing unfolding is "learned helplessness".  In many ways I've fallen into this victimization tactic.  Like a lot of people, I face a lot of adversity and challenges as well as the typical naysayer who hides behind every corner saying that you can't do this or you can't do that.  Because there are so many challenges and conflicting personalities in life, it's not easy for any individual to be successful.  Like any of us haven't ever heard of a "Negative Nancy" or "Debby Downer"?  Or how about the everyday internet troll?  There's just far too many assh*les out there.

Do you want to be stuck making $0?  Does success cause pain and suffering to some of these negative types?  Why so much hate?  Well, here's your $0 pay cut. Congratulations you've won the game of accomplishing and achieving absolutely nothing!

. . . Am I the living embodiment of all these negative personality traits?  Is this why I've been generating $0 with my online presence?

The ball is in my court.  I have taken the responsibility of not being successful.  It's my decision to not put in the work to whatever to generate an income stream.  For example, I have decided to use my time to not put money into marketing my stuff, to not post every single day/week, to not upload YouTube videos, to not continue to make creative content, to not keep networking, to not care about my audience, to not care about my customers, to not care about my reviewers, to not care about my critics, and most important of all to not give an actual f*ck.  As a result, my income stream has continually been $0 from my online presence.  I admit I was given ample amounts of free time but have chosen not to pursue a money making schematic.  It's just not something a would naturally due unless there was an absolute way of making money from it.  Should I be posting more?  Should I continue to post YouTube videos?  The answer is YES.  I would like to share with the world my collective experiences, knowledge, and wisdom.  There is always something that can be learned by someone even if it's something what you shouldn't do.  

Do I dare to change my ways?  Will I ever break out of my chains?  Will I just start creating and posting more YouTube content of my own one day?  Will my blog ever reach more than 1 view?  Will I even break $10 with Google AdSense?  My God, I visited the Google office in New York around 2010.  Jesus Christ, I still haven't even made $10!?  I am responsible for this catastrophe.  I deserve what I've earned: $0.  I have all these complaints about other people, but in the end it's me taking home $0 dollars.  This is what happens when you don't know what you want in life.  This is what happens when you don't set boundaries and boarders around yourself.  This is what happens when you don't tell other people "No".  Making $0 is exactly what will happen to you if you follow my footsteps.  I am not living the life I want.  I am a cautionary tale as to what not to do.  If you think marketing isn't important, if you aren't consistent posting, if you don't like creating content, if you're lazy, if you don't like editing, if you don't like planning out things, or if you're just plan on not giving a f*ck don't expect to be making much money out of it.  In fact, I'll just save you a lot of time and just give you that $0 you deserve right now.

You must be questioning what I've been doing with my time then?  How do I survive?  Well, I've been interning at the hospital for 8 hours a day doing cat scans.  I've also been helping a family member in need of healing after a bad car accident.  It's true I don't make money with Google Adsense from blogging or YouTube, but I have been making money in real life jobs and stuff.  Like most people, I've been running the rat race, paying taxes, and being a typical average person.  I don't feel like it's really necessary to be posting about these things that are just kind of typical and average to the general population.  It maybe exciting for someone to see who lives overseas.  None the less, I just don't feel like I care enough to be taking action and initiative.  One day, I plan to go back to creating and/or posting/editing clips for my YouTube channel.       

Thank you for dropping by and reading my content.  Hopefully, I will come back some time and give it another whirl.   

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! 

Thank God Mom is still alive with us here on this Earth.  . . . There's a lot to say here, but you know I had the full blown Mom experience.  I couldn't see anyone who'd want something like I experienced unless they didn't have a Mother of their own or were adopted.  Unfortunately, a lot of adopted children have this void in their heart that something is missing.  "Why don't my parents want me?  It's an unspoken demon that maybe bottled up inside of them and may even consume them if they don't seek out a resolution, allow things to subside, and heal.  I never experienced this, because I've been living in my Mom's house.  No, it's not a dream come true for me either, but at least I know.

. . . Yup, that's Mom for you.  Mmm . . . Yeah . . .

Well, Happy Mother's Day!   

The Importance of Being Poor

I need to study.  There is no easy way for me to pass exams except to put the time and effort into.  Unfortunately, money cannot really help you with passing exams.  Yes, money can buy books, review material, and whatever you; but you need the time to study and review.  Much like wealth, there's no such thing as getting good grades over night.  I exhaust a lot of time playing computer games, watching youtube videos, snacking, and just running off to go exercise somewhere other than putting the time to study.  The trick is to get myself to sit down and just read whatever I can get my hands on.  Reading definitely takes a lot of effort out of you.  Procrastination and laziness are the biggest enemies.  I wish my human being wasn't so fundamentally lazy, but everything in this world takes work.  What doesn't take effort?  As long as I remain poor, I possess great humility, granting me the perspective of someone who wants to learn.

Will I be the same tomorrow?  Will I just ever pick up a book and read it?  It always felt like I had to force myself to read.  Reading doesn't come easy to me, but once I start I can continue for a prolong period of time.  Yup, there's not much else to me than being a lazy sack.  I wish reading required zero effort like I can just download information from the vastness of space and time.  Some people call this intuition or simply trusting your gut feeling.  This is where inspirational ideas come from.  At the end of the day and look back, studying is the most effective thing I can do for myself that may have a lasting impact on my life.  Studying is such a great tool, but like any other activity it requires a lot of time and effort for it to have any use in the long run.  Well, I have a full schedule coming up.  Yup, it's going to be the Monday morning grind tomorrow.  It's quickly approaching 9PM, and I need my beauty rest. 

Thank you for stopping by.

Crazy Poor Asian

Welcome to being poor.  Let's face it, to have something worth while in investing the startup costs are astronomically high.  The set-up is hard, the time commitment is high, the requirement for money is high, etc.  There's no such thing as a free lunch.  Do you feel like owning tangible rental and/or vacation property?   Or how about something with more trafficking like commercial property?  Maybe, you'd like to own your own franchise?  Well, these are all scientifically, time tested ways to make money.  Unfortunately, we live in the real world and all of these bright ideas take huge amounts of effort, time, and probably the least of your troubles out of all three main ingredients:  MONEY.  So my entire blog focuses solely on things "normal people" can do.  Believe me when I tell you no one here is a trust fund baby.  The rich aren't where they are today because they've been nice all this time.  Aside from being incredible annoying and asking everyone for money all of the time, I believe in actually working or at least doing research on important things that actually does matter or may have a significant impact.  After completing all of these fabulous things, your net return on investments would only be around 10% - 20% maximum.  For example, starting a $300,000 business model will fundamentally make $30,000 a year.  Quite frankly, this is just not for me.  Having to take care of actual tangible property and having to meetup face-to-face customers on a daily basis just to make a minimum of 10% profit is just way too much work for me.  I'm sorry, but the answer is just no.  It's much easier for me to just research/find an online investment, dump a shit ton of money I've earned through work into a mixed diversified portfolio of investments, and hold it for the long run.  No, I'm not a genuine genius or even mentally fluid/dynamic enough to keep up with the current market trends; therefore I'd just payout the annual ETF/mutual fund management fee that is processed automatically.  Whatever positive net income I come across through work, selling crap around the house, or doing small random jobs for people, I'd just continue to throw it into a well, diversified portfolio.  Yes, there are ways to do that.  Personally, I like using Vanguard.  Fidelity also looks pretty good too.  Of course there are many others but these have been working wonders for me thus far. 

Look, I'm not someone who is going to make it big time by creating my own business.  I'm not someone who is going to cold call a thousand people per day for sales.  Hell, I don't even like networking.  I hate having to talk to people.  I don't like being present in the focus of someone looking at me as though I'm going to marry their daughter.  These people orientated meetings just don't workout well for me very well.  There's just something about the whole interview process that just screams out "asshole".  I prefer something a little more casual.  Yes, people have to work to make a living; but sometimes it just gets too intense, way too fast.  This is about work.  This is about being of service to others.  This is about helping other people.  This is about making money.  In no way, shape, or form should this be about me as a person.  Unfortunately, it seems that it usually gets to the point that the reason why there's a meeting or interview to begin with is because it's about ME.  No matter how hard I try to avoid to dodge the question, ultimately it's about ME isn't it?

At the age of 34, I am still where I've started not to long ago.  But believe it or not, 10% per year is considered extraordinary for return on investment.  As long as you figure out a way to continue to invest and grow a minimum of 10% per year, you're doing excellent.  It doesn't seem to matter what I'm trying to accomplish or sell to people as long as the numbers add up.  Investing in ETFs and mutual funds is the best thing someone like me can hope for.  After all, it's just a number to me.  At this time, it seems as though I can't produce a tangible product for people.  Well, if I can't produce a product; the only best alternative for me is to provide people with a service.  Ultimately, I want to make enough money through my investments; so I don't have to work another day in my life.  I would not have to focus any of my attention on creating a product or servicing customers unless I really wanted to.  I could just live my life doing whatever the hell I wanted to. 

Well, this is a weekend.  I hope to enjoy whatever time remains as the clock is ticking.  I hope to see you next time!   

         

Lazy Palm Sunday

Welcome to the laziest day of the week, Sunday.  I guess Sunday is a special day of the week, people do much, much less activities.  I love not doing anything.  I guess this is the highlight of my life really:  Having the luxury of not doing anything brings me great joy.  I'm sorry, but the people I've met in my life don't really bring me much on the table except grief, shouting matches, petty arguments, and a whole slew of other problems I don't want to get involved with if I don't have to.  As an introvert, I love being left alone, away from the drama, away from any loud mouth individuals who is constantly compelled to dominate the social scene for some unknown egotistical reason of pride, and away from the everyday competition of life that brings out the ugly and hate inside of people.  Thank you God for giving me this day to relax and not have to worry about working.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen the answer to the age old question: What do you want to do with your life?  At a minimum, I would like to live each day without having to work a back breaking job involving having to interact and talk with nasty ass customers whom are hellbent on ripping me a new asshole.  Although I do believe in helping and being of service to others, sometimes it's just goes south of the boarder.  No, I don't enjoy helping people who are inherently assholes up to no good.  Why bother helping someone who doesn't even have the capacity to appreciate you?  I might as well spend my time more wisely.  There's nothing written that says it's your duty to help others, but to evolve and become a more consciously aware being you kind of have to.  

This is yet another age old question:  Why be of service to others when you can always be of service to yourself?  For whatever reason, you always want to help others.  It's never enough to just help yourself.  To become greater than what you are now, you can't do it alone.  You can't grow up if you know nothing else buy serving yourself.  Being a fat, greedy bastard is generally not well liked in any community.  Even if you are poor, help out where you can even if it just means to smile more and be more compassionate each day.  

At the end of the day, it wasn't what you'd expect to see in some Hollywood movie.  It was a feeling.  It was a being.  It was having the capacity and emotional intelligence to be able to appreciate and be grateful with what you have in life.  Being an egotistical Wolf of Wall Street personality type has its great moments and all, but for a lot of us we just want to keep things simple and happy at the end of the day.  Not having the stress of owning mountains of bills or being in trouble was enough for me.  Above all else, I appreciated a quiet, frugal life style out of reach from any loud mouths.  Yes, we all like nice and expensive things; but the price you pay for it is sometimes too great.  Why not just be happy with what you have?  When you get older, you realize having less stuff is more.  Being bogged down by having too much stuff sucks.  When you have to pack up your bags and move, you realize you have to much crap.  In America, people love buying crap and hoarding it.  People always seem to have horror stories about hoarding excessive amount of clothes, old furniture, kitchen appliances, garage tools, books, exercise equipment, etc.  The list of stuff people don't want can go on and on, but what "everyone" can agree on keeping is cash.  Cash remains king.  As a result, I want to have around me the least amount of stuff possible.  I guess I need to startup my ebay business again to get rid of all this excessive baggage I keep running myself into.  No matter how disciplined and focused you are in your craft, you just end up with a lot of junk sometimes.  Fortunately, there are those out there who will buy your crap off of you.  As they say "Another man's trash is another man's treasure".

My Sunday hours are coming to an end.  I can see the light dimming outside.  I can feel Monday morning rush hour in my veins approaching.  I can tell you I need to sleep a bit early just so that I can have enough energy to be able to wake up in the morning, roll out of my bed, and dart off in my car to work.  What can I say?  This is my reality.  This is what I need to be doing each and every morning.  If I fail to get up and drive off to my job, wherever it maybe, I don't eat.  It's a basic formula of success.  Of course there are many ways to skin a cat, but this seems to be what works for me.  Sure, I'd like to work remotely from home and win the lottery but these things are just not available to me at this present time.  This is it.  This is my reality.  This is my comfort zone.  This is what I have to live with.  This is what I have to deal with.  Dream big, huh?  

Thank you for visiting, I hope to see you next time.        

        

     

      

Wanting More out of Life

Welcome to life, again.  It is my day off, and I'm back to doing and being nothing.  I guess this is just who I am.  I figure that I don't care to be some kind of person I'm not.  Having money and spending it is great but is that what I really want?  Do I really want to be a socialite?  Am I willing to pay the price to go out and have some with said people?  After all isn't it who you know and not what you know?  Don't I want people to get to know and like me?  Don't I want to spend quality time with quality people?  The answer to all these questions for me is simple no.  No, I don't want to spend all that time and money trying to convince others that I'm something that I'm not.  I am but a poor and humble soul who seeks and practice more of the truth.  What the hell does that mean?  Well, it means that I'm cheap and don't want to stick around when that $100 restaurant bill comes in. 

Yes, I am cheap.  No, I don't like to pay any excessive bills.  No, I don't want to spend all that hard earned money on socializing and networking.  My true nature is that of a cheap, frugal stingy Jew hole.  In essence, I get a high off of making money; not spending money.  Therefore, I'm not well liked by others unless I'm providing them some kind of service or goods.       

Being who I am, I spend my days studying books or reading hoping to ace my next exam.  Again, I put a lot of emphasis on not going out and spending huge sums of money on extravagant things.  No, there are no pretty girls entering this arena.  And yes, most of them all fugly and/or fat.  Without the money spending, without all the crazy bills, without all these expensive amenities that keep piling up, most pretty, young girls won't stay around for long.  This is my reality.  This is real life.  This is how I live. 

Like some kind of super nerd, I've always been interested in Frank Herbert's Sci-Fi novel Dune, especially the mobile harvester unit that does nothing but harvest spice.  I guess the real life equivalent to that of a harvester is a gold digger.  Yes, a girl who cares nothing else but free meals and paid for everything by some older man is nothing new to any of us.  Special conditions such as deprivation of resources, the scarcity mindset, and all these other fucked up mental conditions must be present in the environment for a particular resource to actually matter and produce a psychological sense of urgency for an individual and/or group.  This scarcity mindset of resources and this harvester unit sets the perfect sense of urgency for an individual to get off their ass, work, and be productive.  If working in real life was actually that easy and direct.  Unfortunately, it's never that easy; not even for the garbage man who makes $80,000 doing nothing but picking up garbage.  I'm sure they get their fair share of drama and getting ripped a new asshole everyday; not to mention it's long hours of physically labor.  Even if the job is a no brainer, the long hours and driving takes a toll on the human body.  Setting myself up in a condition where I can do nothing and just earn an income from being myself is what I want, but like I said it's never that easy.  Hard work, toiling, and sweating for prolonged periods of time/intervals are the chief principals on earning an income.  I have no solution for life other than to continue to work hard maybe invest in something like Vanguard/Fidelity/stock market funds.  Everything else is pretty much bullshit and that I really don't need it.  Well, I guess there's always that argument of taking care of family members getting old but that's for another day.  None the less, hard work will always remain a #1 necessity and contributing factor to getting what you want in life.  What more can I do?  What more is there? 

Being that as I am, I'm going to take a long walk.  I am going to enjoy the time of not having to work.  I appreciate the natural silence of nature.  Thank you for visiting, I hope to see you next time!

   

Tiger Mom

I'm actually 34 now, and I still feel like a kid.  Yup, whoever the hell I came into this world as I'm still that same person since kinder garden.  I remember most people and faces as though it was yesterday.  Unfortunately, my Mom still yells at me as though she's the reincarnation of Chairman Mao or something.  "Tiger Mom" is commonly used to describe an overwhelmingly, control freak of an Asian parent who can't stop telling their child what to do or how to do any time during the day.  Do you think there's such a thing as "weekends" and "vacations" for such a personality type?  Nope, Tiger Mom will strike their child at any time of the day.  No one understands the disposition of the Tiger Mom or why she even cares so much about so little.  Why so serious?  Sorry, I don't understand why?  Even after when the kids are all grownup and old, Tiger Mom is still at it.  Is it fun yelling at your kids and telling them what to do all the time?  I can assure you no one likes this kind of treatment.  That is why a lot of Asian children move out and rarely ever want to see their parents.  If the Tiger Mom's goal is to have all her kids grow up, move far away, make just enough money to survive, and dump her in a nursing home somewhere awful when she gets old, then GREAT JOB!  Sorry, I can't stand anyone who is overwhelming controlling for no good reason other than to stroke their own ego.  Sorry, I can't see it from your angle why you need to make life a living Hell for everyone else.  Sorry, I can't appreciate you because I'm definitely not the person you want me to be nor is it even possible to change into that person you want me to be at all times.  Again, I am an asshole.  You are not going to change me.  No, I do not hold up a sign that says "Please change me".  This is not cute.  This is not funny.  Yes, females have this predisposition to change bad guys.  Sorry, just no.  In no shape, way, or form can anyone change anyone else by yelling at them and telling them what to do.  Once your enforced poor programming skills are long gone, the person will just revert back who they original once were; which will ultimately provide more fuel for the said Tiger Mom with more sass and ferocity to begin another attack.  Again, I'm sorry I don't know why anyone would continue to waste their time and energy being a Tiger Mom unless it was somehow ingrained in their DNA.  Will you do me a favor and take a vacation or something?  At the end of the day, all you've really done is create a toxic environment.

So what is meaningful in this world?  What should we be doing?  What is the path to enlightenment?  Although everyone is different, the goal is generally the same: To raise your vibrations.  What the hell does this mean?  Well, you want to be happy, right?  You want to be more aware?  You want to be smarter?  The answer is simple:  Raise your vibrations.  Through your emotions, you can feel the level you are currently at.  Everyone wants to be happy, so just try and be happy.  It's just as simple as that.  Once you actually feel happy, you can begin to express higher emotions like love.  Don't you want to be happy?  Don't you want to feel loved?  That's basically it.  Do things or go to places that makes you feel good.  If you think something sucks and is boring, then try and get the hell out of there unless you're in a dire situation and need to earn a few extra bucks to survive.  On the other hand, humanity tends to dwell and gravitate towards the dark side of things.  Anxiety, depression, hate, suffering, etc. are all too common to us.  Anything that generates this kind of emotion, you would want to steer away from unless your true goal is to be evil and feed off of negative energy and vibes.  For example, I want the least amount of resistance and stress to better achieve a state of happiness; therefore I would find comfort in leaving Tiger Mom where ever I can.  If you plug in the numbers, staying away from Tiger Mom costs $1000 a month to rent out a place elsewhere.  Sorry, I don't pay $1000 to be with Tiger Mom.  I'd pay $1000 to leave Tiger Mom just so I can have more peace of mind.       

     

I'm going to do myself a favor and just travel into the future real quick.  So if I spent the next thousands of years walking the earth what would I have discovered?  What is cool out there?  What should my goals in life be?  Yes, technology is awesome but is there anything deeper than that?  Is there anything more to my humanity than bitching and complaining?  I needed to go find that one out for myself.  No, I did not make this up.  Not a lot of things that I can randomly makeup can even be considered that creative and/or true.  Being who I am, what really stood out to me is when I stumbled upon some Ancient Tibetan teachings of the Tibetan Rainbow Light Body.  In a nut a shell, if you somehow become such a loving and benevolent human being that the whole Earth itself and the Universe recognizes it through natural means, you actually "graduate" and "transcend" from the planet.  When properly performed and achieved, you'll no longer exist in a human shell of a body in flesh and bone.  You literally transcend and become like a living Jesus or Buddha.  You will no longer be bound by a human body.  You'll exist as a higher vibratory being, which means that you'll have to leave your human body behind.  . . . That's some real crazy shit isn't it?  Well, this really isn't for everyone, because people have families and responsibilities to carry out.  Again, back to being a basic bitch of a human being in flesh and bone trapped in some kind of a matrix like rat race.  Congratulations you remain a basic bitch!  Welcome back to your normal human life.  

I guess for some of us, we're tired of being a basic bitch of a human being in flesh and bone caught up in some rat race, getting yelled at by someone who we could care less about but have to because it's apart of the daily grind of making money and survival.  For those of us who want to speed up the process of reaching another level of higher consciousness and existence, there remains the teachings of the Tibetan Rainbow Light Body.  So how do you do it?  What is the secret to transcending?  Again, raise your vibrations.  How the hell do you do that?  You just practice trying to be happy, compassionate, and as loving possible and keep increasing the bar.  Through mediation, exercise, service to others, and focusing on being a loving person, the Earth will acknowledge your efforts and hard work.  The universe is not dumb.  The Earth and the rest of the universe out there is a intelligent, living sentient being.  If you continue on this path of enlightenment at some point you'll "graduate" and transcend to the next stage of evolution.  You will become a level above.  You will become an inter dimensional being capable of things far greater than we experience on the third dimensional plain of reality.  Sorry, but everyone who is a higher up control freak doesn't want this for you.  No, the government will never want this for you.  There is this huge disconnect and fair of the unknown.  What is this unknown and why control it?  Why not let people be in the know?  You want to know?  If you keep fast forwarding and get to the good parts, you come to a point in history where people have super powers.  Telepathy, levitation, flight, teleportation, transparency, walking through walls, mind reading, cosmic awareness, intuition, materializing objects out of thin air, super strength, etc.  You may already see these kinds of things with magicians.  Why magicians?  What is up with the magic?  What's with the pentagons all the time.  Well, the dark side also has these powers and abilities for a price.  Throughout history, people have gambled and risked their lives making packs with demonic entities.  There are both positive and negative spectrum of dimension.  Depending on which route you take you either believe in the light or the dark side.  The truth is we live in a world of duality.  Each of us has the free will to do whatever we want either to be good or bad, creating a delicate balance between the two.  

Basically, you either become a really loving, compassion individual who believes in service to others; or you give your sovereignty over to some kind of dark self serving evil, demonic force of nature Hell bent on the abuse power, control, domination, and keeping others ignorant of your evil deeds.  Remember, I'm just a homeless guy.  Please do not rage on me.  There's very little reason for me to makeup stories or fantasize about this kind of stuff.  I'm definitely not here to make money off of this.  Speaking of which, this is starting to sound a lot like religion.  There's always a guru or cult leader who says stuff like "If you do these things, you'll receive . . .".  Huh, so I travel thousands and thousands of years into the future and things look like some kind of insane, bat shit crazy, historical Biblical text book about angels and demons; surviving sacred bloodlines; and transcending after death . . .  This is just nuts.  Look, the bottom line is try to be more happy and loving by doing more of the things that you like before it's too late. 

Thank you for stopping by.  I hope to see you next time!  Enjoy!

                         

           

The Everyone Else Syndrome

Oy vey, the insurance lady tried to put a hold on me to get into the life insurance sales gig.  I don't know about you, but this life insurance business is big in New Jersey.  Unfortunately, I'm probably not the right guy to be selling people life insurance.  First of all, I don't believe in it enough to sell it to people.  What are the chances of someone buying life insurance from me?  It sounds kind of weird doesn't it?  The thought of me having to actually introduce myself to a random stranger and sell them something like life insurance is so alienating.  It's as though I'm just another tool of a larger organization.  Second of all, I don't believe I can find and/or collaborate a team of confident salesmen to be selling life insurance.  Who the hell is interested in selling life insurance unless they were in some kind of Nazi internment camp and their life was dependent on it?  Lastly, I'm not that outgoing.  Someone is probably just going to say no and in an instant I don't care to go any further with it anymore.  Real sales people don't care if someone says no.  They just keep going and moving on to their next victim.  You can go push out this life insurance sales agenda all you want, I can really care less.  If it involves me having to cold call or talk to someone I just met and try to convince them to buy something from me, it's probably not going to workout well. 

Wow, someone is making a million dollars this year!  Guess what they didn't tell you!?  It's 99.99% of the time probably not you!  It's someone else who is not you getting rich!  It's hard enough for me to wake up out of bed, let alone initiating a conversation with someone I'm not fond with and having them buy a life insurance policy from me.  Any ways, this insurance lady was trying to entice me with big stories of other insurance sales people with huge swings and gains.  Having two private jets, huh?  What is it to me?  Owning two private jets doesn't really mean much to me.  I'm sure there are tons of millionaires out there who are selfish and self serving as all Hell.  What does any of this have to do with me?  I've been poor my whole life.  What will owning a private jet do for me?  I don't even have a license to fly.  I don't even have the money to hire a pilot.  Do you know how much God damn paper work I'd have go through to have my own private jet in running condition?  Why don't I just go buy a God damn plane ticket from United Airlines like a normal person.  There's just a huge disconnect between getting me to be a life insurances salesmen.

I am not an insurance salesmen nor can I miraculously assemble a functioning team whom is competent enough to sell life insurance at an economically sustainable level.  I'd rather just work at Costco as a boring cashier for $15 for the next ten years or if I die of stroke from boredom.  Well, that's my two cents for the day.  I was given an opportunity to step up my game to not only help myself but to help others buy life insurance.  So this is it, huh?  Sorry, but it just doesn't interest me.  You can give me 1000 hours of free life insurance salesmen educational hours and an official license; and I still wouldn't see the light of day with it.  In other words, it's useless to me.  It's not what you know, it's who you know.  I mean, who the hell is going to sit down with me and talk about buying a God damn life insurance policy?  Are you mad?  Do you know who I am?  Don't you know how lazy I am?  Do you know how much I don't care?  Hey, I'm just telling you all the God's honest truth so no one gets lead on or hurt by my lack of communication.  I told you fare and square.  I don't want to pretend that I care about your business.  I am an asshole.  You can't convert me to be a life insurance salesmen.  Amen the end.

Thank you visiting.  I've been having 1 visitor thus far in the past week since my revival.  I would like to give a special shout out to that one viewer I have.  Thank you!  You're the reason why my blog still exists!   I hope to see you next time!

The Joy of Not Giving a F*ck

Yup, welcome to the world of not giving a damn.  After the 9-5 is said and done, you leave your worries and troubles at the workplace and get to go home.  Having the ability to not care is a luxury that some people just can't afford.  When I saw my old boss's eyes turning all red with bags under his eyes, I knew that was not who I wanted to be in life.  Yes, it's cool and all to be the boss of your own franchise or business; but what's the point in this lifetime when you're probably the bitch of other higher ups on top of you that can't be touched anyways?  What was the point of this overworked man trying to work more hours into the night?  Why was he so controlling?  Why was he so concerned about his business?  You can sense this was a mad man who needed absolute control over every little detail and aspect of his life.  Other than having an obvious mental problem, seeking such power and and an overwhelming sense of determination to become the greatest overworked workaholic of all times just didn't add up to me.  Why?  I knew he has two kids and a wife to support but from the looks of it he treated everyone else like crap anyways.  What is the deal?  I guess America just brings out the worse in people.  Most of the time, industry requires people to be ruthless, conniving backstabbing assholes for the soul purpose of making money; which is ultimately why everyone would want to stash money away in their retirement account every step of the way just to get out of this hellish cycle of greed. 

So what is this bigger picture I'm not getting?  Why work so hard?  Is it really about service to others?  How can we help ourselves in the process of helping others?  What is the true path to enlightenment?  Why are we still "trapped" in this third dimensional reality?  Is all this money and industry really worth sacrificing over keeping the planet a healthy and wholesome place?  Well, welcome to the hell.  It is because of greed that people are suffering.  If industry have set their primary interests in actually helping people and alleviating pain and suffering, we wouldn't be in the mess that we're in now.  Yes, people are suffering from obesity and diabetes from overeating fast food.  How is this a conspiracy?  Do you not see the truth?  Do you not see the smog and pollution coming out of the chimney of factories?  Do you not see the rush hour jammed packed traffic?  And to top it all off, the beds in all the hospitals are always full to the max.  Everyone is always waiting for a bed to be opened.  Yes, the world really needs some divine assistance.

Who cares if you prove me wrong or if I said something stupid that offends you?  Why is it that if there's a solution to a problem that can help someone triggers a select few of individuals to go ape shit and start writing hate comments?  Do you want the planet to be stuck with fossil fueled cars, overpriced electricity bills, GMO foods, air pollution, smog, diabetes, etc. ?  Do people constantly suffering and dying make you happy?  Do you feed off of this negative energy?  . . .  Who the f*ck is really up there watching over us? 

Yes, the reality is there are evil negative beings who are parasitic to our planet Earth.  Some are even among us now.  We have all inherited DNA from all different groups and walks of life on this planet.  Without a doubt, this Earth is a very diverse place full of different lifeforms and species of different humans, animals, and plant life.  So what's the point in knowing all of this information?  Most people don't care nor want to know.  As for me, I just don't want to feel enslaved.  Do you think it's fun working in a rat race?  Do you think people want to leave work with blood shot red eyes with bags drooping down?  It's as though our whole world has been priming and grooming us to live this life of enslavement.  At the end of the day, all anyone can really care about is coming home to their paycheck.

Whoever is up there is whatever, but do I really care enough to do anything that'll have a long, lasting impact on the world?  Can I amount to anything more than service to self?  Am I even capable of serving others?  Through the food we eat, vaccinations we get as babies, to the air we breathed, it's as though we have given all our sovereignty to cooperate America and its industries. 

Well, it's my bedtime already.  I have to wake up early in the morning and get to work, of course.  Duh, we should all know this by now.  Thanks for taking your time out of your day and reading my blog.  Knowing that I only have an average of 1 view these past days, I appreciate it.  I hope to see you next time.
 



   
   

1 Year Has Gone by in a Flash

Yes, it's been over a year since I've filed a new unemployment claim, yet again.  Now, I'm on my path of recovery.  I'm continuing my CAT SCAN internship at a nearby hospital.  As I am trying to resist from going back to old bad habits like sitting around playing video games, taking ridiculous long naps after eating, watching a porno, engaging in online shopping, or any other time wasting activity; I am making an attempt to continue blogging and keep a record of what the hell is it that I am doing each and everyday with my free time.  That is just what it is:  Free time.  I am free to do whatever the hell I want.  I am not heavily restricted by work hours or anyone having to watch over my shoulder constantly.  We all wished we had a little more free time to ourselves.

. . . With all this free time, the next thing you know I have to work again . . .

Where did it all go wrong? Well, I always found the feelings of security and progress in the school system.  But guess what?  Everyone eventually graduates and you're on your own.  At some point, there will be no more teachers and parents helicoptering parenting you every step of the way.  So what's left really?  Yup, it's not what you know; it's who you know.  The kids who get jobs early on have parents and friends who are already connected to the system in some way, shape, or form.  The connections you form with other people matter.  Unfortunately, I'm a robot and only want to work.  You can be hardworking, but the ones who do get the jobs are more open and friendly to other people. 

So much bullshit involving people, miscommunication, human errors, people getting randomly hurt/sick, drama, old age, wasting time, etc.  When all is said and done, I'm just happy to go home to my paycheck at the end of the week.  I don't care.  If I don't have money, it's probably because I didn't work hard enough for it or didn't react fast enough to predict any potential risk(s) and/or imminent downfalls to investing. 

It just turned 7:30 PM and it's already pitch black outside.  Where did the time go?  I was worried about not getting enough sleep as soon as I drove back home from the hospital (internship) around 3:30 PM and now it's already dark outside.  What in the hell happened? 

. . . Time is up .  . . No more bullshit.  Just wake up in the morning, go to work, do your thing, work, work, and work some more, and go home.  Also, make sure you don't get any fatter while on the job.  This pretty much sums up what success means in America.  Well, so long for taking care of yourself and your well being.  Sacrifices must be made to ensure that paycheck of yours.  This is not Europe or even Mexico.  People who work don't get naps or long vacations.  People work like dogs in America just to survive.  It's a terribly unbalanced system of life or death.  It's no wonder why the hospital(s) is always full patients.  It's a double edged sword.  On one side, you always have business and money flowing in.  On the other, you have tired, overworked employees. What else is there more to say? 

I hope to see you all next time.  Take care and peace out!   

Useless Man

. . .  I didn't come back.  I didn't care.  I just left and was like whatever.  I can only imagine this is what happens to a lot of startup companies and or businesses.  You must be consistent and dedicated to what you want to achieve in life.  Do you have the luxury to just not care one day, getup, and leave?  If you want a business, you have to take care of your customers.  You have to keep things up to date every single day or no one else will care.

As you can see I've hit an all time low in just not caring about my blog anymore.  Will I ever recover from this great depression?  Is it a problem of not generating enough income?  Am I not entertaining?  Why do I not have an audience?  All of these things can be answered by "Because I'm lazy".  I am a lazy sack who just doesn't care.  If I did care at some point; it would have been only temporary.  There's very little or no incentive to continue unless there was some kind of monetary gain involved.  For a long time, I'm doing what I am doing for fun and then all of sudden I crash one day.  This has been a repeating pattern in my life for quite some time now.

So are there any solutions to this lazy affair of being absolutely useless to society?  It's as though some people get prone to becoming lazier overtime.  If that is the case, then all you have left really is investing all your money into the stock market.  Exercise and dieting will only help so much until another relapse.  Yes, cutting out excessive amounts of sugar, salt, and carbs will do wonders but that's just not enough.  Yes, exercise will vastly improve one's overall health as well but that's still something that you need to be consistent with everyday (or every other day).  The hell with it, life is hard.  Keeping up your health and financial well being is no easy task.

Thank you for visit.  I hope to see you next time! 

   

The 1 View Wonder

Well, I have exactly 1 view for my last post.  I haven't posted in God knows how long.  For a long while I just stopped blogging and did my own thing while collecting free government handouts. Minimum effort equals minimum wage.  As you can see, putting in something that is half-ass will never amount to anything of significance or important.  Most likely you will not get the desired results you want.  Meaning you will not get the customer's attention, you will not get the maximum number of views, you will not get the audience, and lastly you will get any monetary gain whatsoever.  This is exactly why I do not freak out or get upset over the little things in life, because it doesn't matter.  Arguing with people over small little petty things also falls under the same boat.  No matter how much you try and convince everyone you're right or at a minimum not at fault, you'll never get famous or produce anything of significance over it.  It's just another waste of time.  Some may argue that all these little petty increments of fighting and squabble builds character and maybe even resilience, but that's just not me.  

I got to run, I'll be back to finish.

A New Beginning

Well, I've been training for a month or two doing CAT SCAN at the hospital now.  With all the intricate details aside, I'm slowly getting tired like having a real job.  Thank God, it's not as bad as my last job having to drive all day and visit nursing homes.  Regardless of what I like, life has to go on and life is expensive.  So why do I keep putting myself in a position that I hate and can't stand?  Well, it's simple:  I have kids to feed".  I have bills to pay.  Housing is expensive.  Food is expensive.  Education is expensive.  Commuting is expensive.  Everything is expensive.  Without having to grind a job you hate for a paycheck, I don't know what else is out there for you.  Pray that you land a job you actually like and can enjoy for a long time.  Nothing else is worse than being stuck in a dead end job you hate doing everyday just to pay the bills.  Sorry, I wouldn't want to have kids in this world unless I've somehow setup myself in a winning position where I don't feel like a slave to the system.  My trump card could have been real estate or winning the lottery, but no.  Much like most people I still kind of feel just like another cog in the wheel.  Even if I had millions of dollars, I don't think I would ever pursue a lifetime of work in a hospital helping people.  No, I'm not proud of myself.  No, I don't like being a bum.  No, I do not like being of service to self.  I would like to be more service to others, but it takes a lot more time and effort.  To be able to help another human being, you really need patience and tolerance.  These things take time and energy.  It's not an easy task to help someone.  Most people don't have time to or will charge you an arm and a leg for care.  When you're hurt bad and suffering, you are at the mercy of the industrial medical complex.  You have basically given over your sovereignty to this evil money making cooperate machine. 

A lot of times, I need a place for myself.  I feel that things become very crazy real fast when people try to get together and communicate.  I'm most likely an introvert who does not like seeking out trouble with people.  I find the vast majority of people to be quite scary.  I appreciate the nice ones around.  Unfortunately, there are some really loud or rude people around who just don't give a damn.  These kinds of people say that they don't care, but when you say something to them that they don't like they quickly become offended and may even report you as though you've wronged them.  Why so serious?  I honestly care the least and stay out of the way most of the time.  I'm not interested in finding someone who does nothing but talk really loud and make a big deal about little small details and starts fights over it.  I avoid the egotistical maniac and people who just talk just to show dominance.  Socializing with people can be quite annoying when there's a loud mouth in the room.  I appreciate finding someone who is either funny, knowledgeable, or easy to hangout with.  I also tend to avoid people who are to serious.  Getting along with people is not easy.  Everyone is different and each person has a different personality type.  At the end of the day, I really don't care.  No, I don't want to care.  I just want to come home to my paycheck and be able to sleep at night.

In regards to people skills at the workplace, I'm one of the few anomalies.  I'm not sure if I'm a complete sociopath.  Like I said, I'm really only interested in a job for the money to survive.  I'm not sure if I'm actually into what I'm doing or enjoy what I'm doing.  I've seen other "normal" coworkers who always act like they deeply care and are invested in their "customer".  These "normal" workers like what they are doing and care about everything they do at the workplace.  Well, they get tired out and bitch like everyone else; but they do a very good job at hiding it.  I guess I need to do the same as well.  Revealing your negative side in the work place is never a good idea.  My professor always said some of these hospital workers should be Hollywood actors.  Pretending to provide care for people is a very lucrative people, especially elderly homes.  Do I care?  Nope, I just need the paycheck.  When I'm on the job, do I pretend to care?  Yes, I pretend to care and sometimes emphasize with people but that's only because it's apart of the job.  Regardless of what happens or how upset someone is, I still have a job to do.  Whether I feel happy or sad is irrelevant.  I need to get the job done.  Unfortunately, not everyone feels or thinks the same way.  Sometimes, human beings don't care about what needs to get done and just wants to see someone who actually cares about them.  With regards to people, showing compassion and love goes along way than being a robotic workaholic. 

As you can see, life as a person is complicated.  We all need a job to pay the bills at the expense of others.  It seems that every living thing is at constant competition with one another.  With people getting butthurt over the smallest of things everyday, you really have to pay close attention to detail and watch what you say or better yet just don't do anything nor say anything so that way you can't get in trouble.  Sorry, but I just don't want to care any further than I have to.  At the end of the day, I simply just don't care.  Even after reading peoples' complaints, I still could care less.  Sorry, I can't make everyone happy.  Not caring brings great joy to my life.     

Thank you for visiting.  I hope to post again soon.