Monday, October 13, 2014
I've returned from school for the first time in a long time. Long story short, it's been hell. They send you to some hospital down in the ghettos and take homeless peoples' x-rays. It smells, it's dirty, and mad ghetto. Yes, what you've just read was a real and very accurate assessment of the school's radiology program. This will probably be the closest thing to med school I will ever come in contact with. I've decided to just be a regular person. I don't want to be no doctor or lawyer with a fancy title. After seeing all the political crap that goes around, I just want to leave everything at the front door, bunker down at night, and go to sleep. There's so much drama and horseshit flying around. I thought working in retail was absolute bullshit, the medical field is even worse.
When asked if I wanted to be a nurse, I responded immediately with a no. I do not want to be in this field as though my life depended on it. These people can go ____ themselves. There's no way in hell do I ever want spend anymore time in a hospital than required. Keep in mind, that I'm also a bum; so I don't really care to begin with. Just like everyone else in the waking world, I need my paycheck. Apparently, the payout is suppose to be good; but I haven't seen nothing yet since I'm only a student. Yes, it's painful and it hurts; but one day karma will show me to the door. Maybe by that time, I wouldn't care about money. I would only care about "my patients" and see to it that I do a good job. There's no chance in hell that I feel that way. When you starve someone, they become hungry. That very same hunger grows, drives, and motivates the individual to raise the bar higher and higher to succeed, to conquer. At the very same time, appreciation and the awareness of reaching the top becomes illuminated and inspiring.
In any event, the homework and the hospital work doesn't seem to have an end. It just keeps going, and going, and going. You really don't want to dig the hole deeper than it already is. I'll leave that up to the teachers, doctors, and nurses, or whoever is up there. I just want to be paid my biweekly paycheck and go home. There's too much drama, too much work, and too much of a bit of everything trying to screw you over. My attitude may not be very appropriate for this field, but I need the money. Working in the hospital is said to be one of the most humanitarian thing on the planet. Well if it is, I don't to be working anywhere near the hospital. Based on what I've seen a vast majority of humans are not a happy, fun going species. They'll do whatever for money and that's it. Once they have their money, they can be happy and cheery, but if money was of no concern all hell would break loose. Are you serious? People who actually volunteer to be working in a hospital taking care of people with no pay? As you go higher up on the socioeconomic latter, the one with the most power is usually a bosshole and will delegate all the rules and regulations he wants done. You're basically just another slave. Where's the fun in that? If you do happen to derive pleasure from helping others, God bless you. But as for me, it's doesn't feel that it's worth it or my time here.
Maybe my teacher was right, I should be in the I.T. field or something. We had a conversation once, and my teacher pointed out that I would never bend over and be happy to clean someone's bedpan with a smile on my face. In fact, if that ever happened I would feel like shooting someone. My teacher was 99% right about that. So why am I so violet? Why don't I like to help people? Why don't I like loving people? What's wrong with me? All I know is that deep down inside, I do not want to help people on purpose; I need the benefits and rewards of money that comes with it down the road. I'll be glad to pick someones poop for $22-$28 an hour. Engineers start at around the same pay. But if you ask me to pick up poop for free, that's when it gets ugly. So you see, I'm not much different than the money hungry people I pointed out a bit earlier.
Now, I must return back to my cave and continue to work on my, what seems to be, never ending homework assignments. Just 9-10 months remaining; I prey to God everyday I can endure and survive in the healthcare field.