Saturday, February 21, 2015

Just Another Day in the Life of a Homeless

Happy Chinese New Year!

Well, this sure as hell doesn't feel like when I was 5.  As an adult, I should be the one passing out red envelops to kids.  I mean what the f*ck happened?  I graduated school and even college with a bachelor's degree.  Why am I still such a homeless?  Apparently, school was never enough.  Much like a prison, you just spend your life in some stupid institution until you get out.  Where are all the valuable connections?  Where is all the networking?  Long story short, you need to send your kids to the top schools.  All the tops schools have one thing in common:  Top schools that get kids jobs cost a lot of money.  There you have it:  YOU NEED MONEY.

Realizing that I'm screwed, where do I turn to?  I'm already on unemployment and going back to school on tuition waiver for radiography.  No, there's no money in hell for me to be the doctor reading the x-ray; I just take them.  As time goes on, I don't see much of a future for myself.  I don't see anything groundbreaking or new.  From here, everything is mostly about pure survival.  Yup, I'm just trying to survive.

So to step up my game, I need to pass the registration and licensing process for x-ray school.  To make matters worse, the teachers put us in the worse hospitals conceivable.  I mean hospitals are scary enough as it already is, but these take the cake.  No, it's not easy.  You need to deal with people, politics, patients, and problems.  Sometimes, I just want to give up and go back to working retail.  Worse of all, they don't pay us for interning at the ghetto hospital(s).  It's depressing.  The nursing students have an even harder time trying to pass their workload.  Surprisingly, x-ray school is suppose to be easy in comparison to nursing school.  If that's the case, I'm never going to be a male nurse.  Transporter, now that's a job they'll pay for you with no education required.  Quite frankly, I don't even want the education anymore.  I'm done.  I already know that I just forget everything.  You study, you pass all the crazy tests the teachers throw at you, and then you get to hang some degree on your wall.  I get it; it's not impressive whatsoever.  I just want to work.  I don't care about anymore paper work.  I need the paycheck.  I can use the money for food.  I want to spend money on some lunch so I can take care of myself.  Is that too much to ask?  Must I go through another six years of school, so I can earn something barely over minimum wage?  This is just another rat race ready to explode if not already in the process of taking another lap in its infinite circuitry.

There's no miracle. It's just work hard 5 days a week.  That's your miracle, work hard.  I don't want to hear no crazy registration fee for school again.  Just get a God damn job already.  Just apply and work hard.  It doesn't matter if you're in school or not.  Just work.  Hard work is hard work.  No matter what, they'll pay you if you work.  School is full of too much bull.  As long as you work hard at whatever you do, you'll be satisfied with whatever you earn.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Solomon's Blue Print

Well, with the extra time I have - I will now post my blue print.  What is all this crazy mess!?  What does it all mean!?  Learning does not stop after you graduate.  I learned the hard way.  After you get your diploma, life goes on and will leave you in your tracks to die if you let it.  You have to keep on pressing to pursue new goals and dreams.  The world may look down on you, but it's your job to do what it takes to reach for the stars no matter what anyone else thinks.  I don't want to be unemployed.  I don't want to be a homeless.  I want to have things in my life, and all those things take a lot of hard work.  Things aren't just given to people out of the heavens.  It takes hard work and dedication.  I use to be young and never appreciated the value of life.  Now that I'm older, I understand that things are valuable and take a lot of time and effort to acquire.  Long story short, I want to be more.  Everyone wants more money, sex, power, etc.  But how does one actually do all those things?  What if it's not something so typical?  What if just having appreciation and expressing gratitude is all there is to achieving maximum success in life?  Okay, maybe money and power isn't in my deck of cards; but I can still aim to be a better version of myself that doesn't require sacrificing an arm and leg.  What can I do now that can change things to be "better for me" in the distant future?

People cannot just pretend to be enlightened individuals and be happy.  Bills need to be paid, and you need to take care of yourself.  So how does one balance all these things together and create a functioning life?  I sure as hell hope to graduate by this summer and get my radiology registration completed.  Maybe, I'll never land a job working as an x-ray technician but that's okay.  Whatever happens, I'll work somewhere more tolerable than a hospital setting regardless.  Yes, I feel that there's something I need to do that will push myself from the bottom up.  It's like a stepping stone, and I'm trying my hardest to reach for the next step.  As selfish as it may seem, I need to do what I need to do to ensure my own survival and needs.  Selfishness isn't as bad as it is made out to sound like.  Along with stubbornness, it helps one establish who they are and accomplish their goals in life.  Graduating from x-ray school and getting my license is one of those things I have to do.  Through getting an opportunity from unemployment, I really need to get my act together and accomplish this goal of mine.  Even though the teacher is nasty as hell and trying to drive all the students crazy, I'm dedicated to spending whatever time it takes to graduate.

I can only imagine the things I can achieve once I earn a real income.  I will be able to feed myself with proper nutrition, turn the heat on when it's cold, be able to put a shirt on, take real vacations, be less ghetto to my neighbors, see my relatives without feeling ashamed, be able to donate to charities, etc.  I don't want to be a bum.  I just don't have the financial means of accomplishing anything worth while.  I just want to be better.  I want to be a better person.  I want to have an impact, to be heard by reasonable people, and to be able to make my mark in this world.        

You can almost see myself struggling to try and establish some kind of product for sale going on, but it's not quite there yet.  I can form ideas and thoughts and put them on paper, but there's no such thing as an actual product for marketing yet.  Quite frankly, the situation is far too ghetto here and of course "no money".  We're all just so use to "the no" that no one ever takes any initiative to do anything different to achieve something big.  No matter if you're rich or poor as dirt: YOU ALWAYS NEED A PRODUCT TO BE ABLE TO MARKET TO SURVIVE.  I get the fact that a lot of  different people are negative and only want the easy out but trying to drown everyone else on the way isn't what anyone else ever needs.  None the less, I'm getting there one day.  I know it won't be an overnight miracle, but one day . . . I'll have my own product up for sale.

Lazy Sunday

So there's no school or work schedule today or even tomorrow for President's Day, but what to do now?  Well, I have even maxed out my gym workout days this week.  This week, it says I've only been to the gym twice.  My muscles feel sore, so I'm going to take Sunday as a relaxing day.  I feel that I rested enough for the week, a total of 4 days.  I read in a body building guide that you should rest.  Gaining results is no different than working.  When you work, you expect a paycheck.  The same goes with working out at the gym.  You go to the gym reap the benefits of gaining results.  It's pointless to be going to work and not make any money.  So going to the gym everyday of the week and not seeing any gains is just as bad as going to work and not being paid a dime.  Plus, the time you take off gives you the drive and desire to go back from having stayed out for some time.  Is going to the gym 6 times a week necessary?  For me, I don't think it's necessary unless you need to be more cut; because your body doesn't have time to recover.  I've tried working out continuously, but I never gained size for the longest time ever.  It's like going to work and not getting paid.  I want to see gradual gains, but if you're doing it wrong things will go downhill  or remain static much like the stock market.  So instead of going in circles and repeating my mistakes in the past, I now know that in order to unlock size you have to EAT and rest.  Yes, this new model of mine does sound counter intuitive.  Being fat and lazy might actually be a solution, but there needs to be a balance much like with everything else.  Getting that food into the body and the eight hours of sleep is something I need.  I have added cottage cheese to my diet.  I put it in sandwiches, crackers, or whatever than can use some added protein in it.  The label says about 15 grams of protein (whey) per serving, so it's a perfect super food for macro nutrients.  Being skinny, I really don't have to worry about calories.  I try to avoid sugary or starchy foods because that can lead to diabetes.  Everything else, I can munch down.  It also explains why I needed to flush  the toilet twice in the morning just to get all the leftover bowel down in the toilet.  You're suppose to poop 3 times a day, so I'm on the right track.  I also believe that the body should be able to constantly detoxify itself for healthy liver and kidney function.  Anything that's too weird or crazy that may jeopardize the vital internal organ systems, I stay away from.  So to unlock size or see gains, you need to eat more.  Apparently, I don't eat enough even though I have up to two protein shakes a day.  I've been consistently about 137 pounds throughout the whole year.  Despite of what or how much I eat, I always remain the same weight.  I would be great for a model weight loss program, but my primary goal was to gain muscle mass.  For example, if I gained 8 more pounds to 145 pounds I would know that I've added 8 pounds of muscles mass on my bones.  Unfortunately, that never happened.  Maybe, I just flushed all the nutrients down the toilet? Or, maybe I just don't eat enough.  Everyone suggests that it's always because one does not eat enough.  Jesus Christ, I live in America:  Getting fat and obese is the number one goal here.  I don't know how the hell I can't be gaining weight, even if it's just more added fat tissue.  I live in the most obese country in the world, how's it possible I'm still so skinny @_@  No I'm serious, 137 pounds for an adult male at 5" 9" is light weight.  If I benched or somehow lifted 137 pounds doing whatever exercise, I'd be literally lifting up my own body weight!  I can't go up in weights like I'm 200 pounds.  It only makes sense that the average person can only lift up their own weight, otherwise they would genetically be an animal or something.

Any who, today is Sunday.  So there's no school, no work, no gym today; so what else is there to do for someone like me who has a strong sense for the need to be productive?  I would like to take a walk outside, but it's freezing in the winter season.  Yes, it's colder than hell frozen over outside right now.  My options to life a better life at this current moment is static.  This isn't a movie where I can just drive down the beach and have amazing fun with beach babes.  Everything here is so painfully real.  It takes a lot of effort just to do anything like a pilot up in space.

Absolutely nothing to do today; just another Sunday to relax.  I guess this is what "God" intended for people.  Sundays are reserved for people to relax and not work.  Yes, there have been times I had to work a Sunday shift; and it was hell.  But I guess I should be grateful that I have today off, selfish but grateful.  Sundays . . . be still . . . rest . . . and express gratitude.

Nope, that's definitely not where I live.  A beautiful, absolutely gorgeous place.  Why does everything have to be so hard to obtain?  It's true that such beauty exists in this world, but it's miles away.  In short, nothing is ever just given to you; everything has to be earned.  

Friday, February 13, 2015

Understanding the Bigger Picture

Yup, one day I could be saving somebody's life in the emergency room.  You or I will probably not know this person in any way, shape, or form; but it's my responsibility to save whoever this unfortunate person's life is.  Save someone's life!?  Yes, it's serious.  Well, I'm still a student.  I don't know what life will throw at me, but they're trying to prepare me.  Yes, the education requirements is tough.  Whoever works in the health care field truly deserves to be there or most likely it's because "they know someone".  Regardless, the health care industry is a tough business.  People are as violent and hateful than ever and are more than likely willing to sue you just for about anything.

It's really weird though.  You need to take care of yourself, but the schooling involved in just crazy.  You need that time of day to sleep, eat, and take breaks.  Regardless, like any other business they want you working 24/7.  It doesn't matter what time of day it is; they want "customers" and for you to stack up those billable hours in the name of making money.  Well, what I've learned so far is that school is a living nightmare.  Quiz, exams, homework, lectures, clinical, internships, etc.  It's so much work.  Everything is about working hard.  One day, maybe I'll get paid a dollar for my efforts.  No, nothing in the medical industry has ever paid me for doing so much school work thus far.  Pharmacy technician and/or cashier at a pharmacy was the farthest I got up to in getting actual pay and unemployment benefits.  Everything else has been some kind of nightmare of schoolwork that never seems to add up.

None the less, I also found this guy:  Mega Man.  I got 2 of them, but one of them seems to have been delivered in a damaged box from  They're semi-rare at he moment.  You can't buy them anywhere for the retail price of $12.99.  Of course, I preordered mine 2-3 months ago since December 2014.  I like Mega Man, so I didn't mind spending the extra money for two.  Any who, I just found a buyer at $32.  I'll save the last one for myself.  I love toys and designs.  This one in particular is great to have.  I don't open my purchases, because I resell a lot of things.  Buy low and sell high.  It's a no brainer and doesn't require years of schooling to master.  

Well, I hope to succeed somewhere in life.  Success to me means coming home to a paycheck and having a place to sleep at night.  No, there's not much else I can obtain without losing an arm and/or leg for it.  Yes, I've tried before.  The bottom line is that the world is bankrupt as hell, and the only thing left are basic survival needs for yourself and/or immediate family. I'm not even concerned about making enough money just to compete for middle class anymore.  Once you hit over $15,000/year you lose all your chances of getting medicaid and other free government handouts.  So why bother working so hard if you're just going to have to pay for your own health insurance?  Yes, it's tough out there.  I don't blame anyone.  Times are rough.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

What if I Didn't Play Video Games

Okay, people - What would happen if I didn't play video games.  Hell, what would happen if kids didn't play videos and instead did their school work.  Well, nothing really.  You're damned if you do; and you're damned if you don't.  Either way, you're screwed; so I don't have any negative views about kids who can't control themselves over video games.  So what if you don't play video games?  You'll spend time outside where it costs more money $_$.  Yes, a lot of money for gas, travel, food, tickets, passes, suitable clothes, places to stay, or whatever it is.  If you do have tons of money and don't care, going outside and traveling the world would be a fundamentally awesome idea.  But for the vast majority of us who don't have such a luxury, video games is the next best thing.  I'm going to say this only one time, real life costs a lot of money.  If you're not fronting out cash, people will not tag along with you.  Whatever it is that's cool to do, it'll probably cost money.  Money, money, and more money.  It's a vicious cycle of a huge laundry list of spending money.  The less money you spend going outside and pursuing your hobbies with others alike, the more power to you.  Unfortunately, we're only human and that's why the video game industry is huge.  All you need to do is plugin and play.  You don't need any attention from others, and you can just rip straight through the day doing your thing.

I would like to believe the fact that ending video games would somehow magically improve the lives of people but that's just purely bias.  Video games offer a cheap way of psychological stimulation and outlet without spending tons of cash.  It's a perfect drug for the brain and easy on the wallet.  You'd think people would work and study hard, but what is out there really?  There are no jobs available either way; and the only way in those jobs is by knowing someone.  With no jobs and no potential for growth, what else could be a cheap substitute?  "Go to school" but what for?  There aren't many jobs out there for us.  I hear all these stories about people going to school for master degrees; and they do nothing with it; because there is no niche in the market to make money.  It's just like spending a whole bunch of your hard earned dollars on lottery tickets, only to find out they're all losers.  Guess what?  All that money you spent on student loans and tuition has absolutely no impact on your life whatsoever.  Down the road of business life, you quickly learn that you either have it or you don't.  If you do then congratulations you can move on and become successful, but for the vast majority of us we're screwed.  Lack of social skills, no money, no employment opportunities, "you have to know someone", "I have kidz to feed", etc. the list of excuses go on.  As a result, a percentage of the population just resorts to video games for temporary relief from the harsh realities of life.              

As for me, I'm cutting back on the hours I spend on video games.  I record the lectures my professors do, and I play them back to prepare for the upcoming exam(s).  This strategy helps me get A's and B's; but it's very time consuming.  Making video recordings help a lot; but getting good grades doesn't mean much in the real world.  In theory, good grades are your ticket to success; but in reality it always comes down to "It's not what you know; it's who you know".  Instead of grading students all the time, what they should really be doing is networking with people who are currently working in the industry of interest.  Yes, grades are completely useless and a waste of your time and money.  No wonder why Steve Jobs dropped out of college so quickly.  He wasn't being a rebel or bad; he didn't want to waste all of his parent's hard earned money on some fake school that would prepare him for nothing but heart ache in the future.  I don't like how the school is set up either; it' just a mass marketing scheme just like any other business.  Well, there are those students swirling around in the school system somewhere whom get lucky and get a good job; but guess what?  It's probably not you who got the good career going for them, which is why it's so important to make decisions for yourself.  If you feel that school is a bunch of bull, than it's your right to dropout.

I'm almost done with my x-ray program - June 18, 2015 will be my last day.  Our teacher is so nasty that she tried to fail one of the x-ray techs currently working at one of the biggest hospitals in the area.  Even though I feel like I would never want to work in a hospital, I just want to finish my degree.  I only have a few months left and that'll be the end.  I can either pass or just fail out.  My GPA is current 3.8+, but the teacher is nasty as hell and will fail out anyone at any given time, even on the last day.  So, you literally have to be praying to God to save your own ass.  Do you work hard and never give up?  Well, it's so political working in a hospital that they really don't care.  They'll just boot you whenever they feel like, because they have that much power.  One of the older ladies was apparently making too much money, and the hospital had to fire her.  The worst part about it was that she was the heart of the operations.  They had to fire one of their own flesh and blood just because of money woes and that's how nasty the world today has become.  Employers love to call each other family that is until you get fired.  They will lie to you and treat you like family until they throw you out like a dog out on the freezing streets of New York.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, and I'm spending my time writing up this blog.  Instead of partying and watching the game, I'm preparing for tomorrow's hospital shift.  Is school really that serious that I can't even go out and have fun?  Well, I'm assuming I have a little bit of workaholic inside of me; but any who I don't care much about football.  It's never been my sport of choice.  After the game, people go back to their 9-5 work.  The Russian roulette game of life is much more real to me to the point that I would rather spend time preparing for tomorrow than watching a football.   I would like to be able to relax and have a good time, but school is a pain.  The teacher is just mental, and the program is demanding us to do unrealistic things with our time.  Sounds impossible?  Yes and that is why I would never want to be a doctor.  My only goal is to continue to make less than $10,000 or so to continue to get "free" Medicaid.  Yes, I get "free" health insurance for being poor.  I tell people I'd rather qualify as poverty level than middle class, so I can get free government handouts.  Of course, most sane people would want to throw a shoe at me; but I have my own beliefs.  I would never want to be middle class.  You make too much money to qualify for government freebies, so what's the point of being middle class?  Paying more taxes and getting nothing in return is not the way I want to go.  Because I'll never be super rich, I'll play it safe by being super poor.