I'm back interning at the hospital, and it sucks. If the job itself doesn't suck, then the patients are absolutely the worst. The hospital literally pampers and treats the patients so nicely, and what do they get in return (aside from money)? The patients unwillingly urinate and poop on all over them. Literally, the feces and the pee gets everywhere. It's just completely nasty, but patients have it good under the roof of the hospital(s). The whole situation is a mess. Some of these faces you see everyday are just horrifying. You're just there to help them or do whatever the job that is required, and the patient starts freaking out and looks at you like someone just robbed them of their dignity. What the hell? Some of the people you have to take care of are well over 300 lbs. and can't move by themselves. I've seen this little, old lady having to lift these morbidly obese patients onto a small back panel for a MRI machine. I'm sure no one would consciously make themselves voluntarily sick so that everyone else's job is to take care of them. It's unfortunate, but people get sick, old, and/or morbidly obese through no fault of their own. Nature is just taking its course. Sure, people have the choice of exercising and eating healthy; but there's always that population of people who give up trying or don't care anymore. For me, it's just another day. These sick people may never be able to walk or go home ever again but that is not my business. I do what I'm required to do and that is to take their x-ray. In between the business of taking x-rays, the craziness is constantly happening. I don't want to care; I don't want to jump into "the fire"; I'm not here to play games.
Sometimes, I feel like blaming the patient for getting themselves in such a mess to the point that everyone else has to take care of them. In a perfect world, I'm sure that no one would do that unless something was really wrong. Something must really be wrong. Perhaps, they couldn't control themselves with their food dieting and lack of exercise while growing up and now have to suffer the consequences of making bad choices. We all have to make choices; except the choices they made voluntarily or involuntarily landed them straight into the hospital. Whatever messed up situation that happened is not my business, nor do I choose to care for my own safety. It's not my responsibility to watch over and tell people to eat right, exercise, and to stop doing stupid things. Everyone has their own responsibilities to manage themselves appropriately. If I were to be involved in promoting living a healthy life, you have to pay me. That is a job in itself and service. Being fat and lazy is something that needs to be serviced. Someone in that situation would have to pay money to better themselves if they want anyone else involved. No money; no help.
Fortunately, I did use my Familycare health insurance card for my free dentist appointment. The doctor and hygienist helped clean my teeth. After I was done with a full checkup, they told me I could go without paying. Yes, the government Medicaid insurance plan actually worked! For the first time ever, I was the one mooching free government handouts. I was so proud of myself. Since I'm a student, I reported a minimum income of less than $10,500. It took about three or four months to process, but I finally got my health insurance card in the mail. I was being the needy one this time, and it felt relieving. For the first time in a long time, I was on the receiving end. It was a heart warming experience to know that there were people out there like me, offering services to others for very little or nothing in return.
It's now night time, and I finished a one hour swim workout session. I felt motivated and compelled to workout a bit more but then decided to rest up a bit, because it's not a good idea to workout late in the day especially since the body needs to prep itself for sleep. I would like to say that the workout was great, but the baggage that remains from the hospital follows me home. All the unnecessary drama and the crap that comes along with working sucks. Can't I just have a dumbo job, work, get a paycheck, and live right? Nope, it's not that easy. Like a fly that gets trapped in a light bulb, someone will get caught up in the storm of garbage. Crap will swirl around, and you'll get hit in the face by something. It doesn't matter if you've been good or bad; the crap will hit you in the face no matter what. I don't want to be around when that happens. Even if you try to avoid everything, it'll try to follow you. In such a catastrophic universe, I want to be as far away from this source of crap spewing out from its core. I would like to blame someone, but there's no exact source. It just emanates from people and travels real fast from one end of the room to the next like how gossip spreads like a wild fire.
What am I to do? I have myself boxed in right where I don't want to be. I want to work somewhere fun. I want to be somewhere I don't have to worry about people looking over my shoulder if I screwed up. Unfortunately, there are not many jobs out there that are fun to begin with. Whatever, I just have to endure the pain of living and above all else not care.
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