Where Did I Go Wrong

Well, I guess this is where I would like to hangout all day given the fact that money wasn't a problem.  If you haven't guess it yet, it's the Rockefeller Center.  I come here all the time.  There's just so much potential here to have a great time.  I would love to eat here without worrying about the expensive prices.  It's a beautiful environment full of life.  When I was small, who thought I'd end up on the wrong side of the tracks?  I did get good grades in school, I did graduate from college, yet I knew the future would be grim for me either way.  Since the economic collapse of 2008, my college degree seems to have very little or no effect on my job search.  College just made me realize how much crap costs.  It's not a good idea for someone like me to continue to spend all their money on tuition for false hope.  Even though I get A's on my report card, I hate what I do.  I don't like going to school; I don't like having to talk to the teachers about whatever.  What I do like is to make money.  School and grades have very little or nothing to do with making money in the real world, which is why I see school beyond high school full of a load of crap.  When's the last time your school taught you how to design, manufacture, and sell a product other than it being insurance?  Never, never has any school taught me how to make money and that is why I'll always hate these institutional systems.  It's expensive, boring, and the teachers really don't care about you.  Hell, I'm still going to school for radiology.  I hate working at some hospital with sick people.  I have hundreds of hours poured into it; only to come out with nothing but worthless degree credits, not even enough to buy a hot dog for lunch.  I really want to be successful and to be proud of myself and my potential customers.  I don't want them to have a crappy experience with what I have to offer either it be a product or just spending time with me.    

Sure I feel bad waking up in the morning and having to drive down to the hospital in the ghetto to take patients' x-rays, but I have hopes that one day I can be successful.  Being successful for me means being able to work without having regrets, having three meals a day, and going home at night safely.  My life may suck, but when I look around people are having fun here and that inspires me that I can too.  I don't have to be rich or well known; I just want a lot of money in my pocket from a hard day of working.  That money can be used for buying better food, gym memberships, season park passes, and of course putting a roof over my head.  Unfortunately, they don't pay you for a hard day of work.  My internship at the hospital is paying $0.  It's sad, so I apply for all the government handouts I can get.  To work and not get paid really sucks.  I had to help lift this 300 lbs. lady on multiple occasions, and it sucked.  The worst part about it is that there's not just one, there's a lot of them that are sick and worst of all fat.  I feel sorry for the actual employees there.  No matter what the age or condition they're in, they have to do their job.  Why in God's name is anyone well over 300 lbs. and covered in thick, layers of fat is beyond me.  It's sad that people can't take care of themselves.  Hell, I'm not even sure I can take care of myself; but I try my best to sustain.  Again, working at a hospital sucks.  I'm not even sure making $30,000 - $40,000 a year inside of a hospital is even worth considering.  I would rather make $10,000 somewhere else less hostile; collect government welfare benefits; and bounce every 6 months to be able to collect unemployment.  The more money you make; the more taxes you have to pay anyways.  I know this is a very controversial issue that people want black listed immediately, but I feel that being poor enough to qualify for government benefits is a much better warranty for life than trying to break way into "middle class".  Screw trying to fit in with the rest of the middle class, I would rather be considered dirt poor.  I want food stamps, EBT, unemployment, welfare, financial aid, tuition waiver, etc.  I've seen the people collecting, and they don't give a damn.  I need to help myself to whatever I can get as well.  It's been long enough that the government has been trying to screw me over.  I feel that what I'm doing is right, and people who need help should really get help.      

"Creativity and imagination shall be the stability of thy times".  Finally, someone gets it.  It's right outside the GE building.  It's a beautiful work of art.  It's so inspiring and well worth taking a picture of.  Instead of seeing sick people, that's what kind of people I want to see.  Elegant, strong, intelligent, powerful; all of these positive human characteristics that illuminate out of respectful people.  What ever happened to a brighter tomorrow?  Now, they're sick, old, killing each other, and violence on television.

When I was little, I wanted a better future for myself.  I wanted to work in one of these tall New York skylight buildings.  Now that I'm older, I realized things never really worked out for me.  I always felt that the school boxed me in from my full potential as a business man.  It was just another rat race.  Go to school, get good grades, and a good job will fall into your lap.  Unfortunately that's not how to works.  There's a lot of politics and back stabbing that needs to take place for anyone to climb the socioeconomic latter.  I never really cared about having to stab anyone in the back, which may very well be the same reason why I will never make it to the top.  I know I'm a homeless, and I don't need to care anymore.  But there's always a human conflict of staying in your comfort zone.  You have to break out of your comfort zone if you ever want to be better!  You cannot keep boxing yourself in.  It's not okay to sit back and relax.  The balance between staying where you are comfortably and searching outside of the box has always been a fundamental problem with people.  History has shown us repeatedly that vast civilizations have been conquered by foreigners due to their inability to advance and move forward.  The same thing will happen to just about anyone else if they ever should decide to sleep on the couch and watch television all day at home.  In time, I'm hoping that interning at a hospital will open doors for me.  That day may very well never happen.  I too maybe boxed in from all the politics and back stabbing that's constantly going on.  No, people don't change overnight.  There's no such thing as "nice people" anymore.  Most of the time, back stabbing and stepping over each other is so common at the workplace that you should never get worked up about it.  These things happen to just about everyone.  Trying not to let other people make you feel bad is an important skill for me.  At the end of the day, I want to go home and not give a crap about what drama happened.  I want the paycheck, but I sure as hell don't want the drama or baggage that comes along with it.