The Mental Prison - Learned Helplessness

Well, it appears that my life is about being trapped inside of a mental prison that I've constructed by myself in order to feel safe inside of my comfort zone.  I am like a chained elephant in a zoo.  At first, the elephant is wild and rampant when captured.  After being locked up and caged for a while, the elephant just gets tired of trying to escape.  Eventually, the elephant just stops giving a f*ck and accepts his fate.  What you are witnessing unfolding is "learned helplessness".  In many ways I've fallen into this victimization tactic.  Like a lot of people, I face a lot of adversity and challenges as well as the typical naysayer who hides behind every corner saying that you can't do this or you can't do that.  Because there are so many challenges and conflicting personalities in life, it's not easy for any individual to be successful.  Like any of us haven't ever heard of a "Negative Nancy" or "Debby Downer"?  Or how about the everyday internet troll?  There's just far too many assh*les out there.

Do you want to be stuck making $0?  Does success cause pain and suffering to some of these negative types?  Why so much hate?  Well, here's your $0 pay cut. Congratulations you've won the game of accomplishing and achieving absolutely nothing!

. . . Am I the living embodiment of all these negative personality traits?  Is this why I've been generating $0 with my online presence?

The ball is in my court.  I have taken the responsibility of not being successful.  It's my decision to not put in the work to whatever to generate an income stream.  For example, I have decided to use my time to not put money into marketing my stuff, to not post every single day/week, to not upload YouTube videos, to not continue to make creative content, to not keep networking, to not care about my audience, to not care about my customers, to not care about my reviewers, to not care about my critics, and most important of all to not give an actual f*ck.  As a result, my income stream has continually been $0 from my online presence.  I admit I was given ample amounts of free time but have chosen not to pursue a money making schematic.  It's just not something a would naturally due unless there was an absolute way of making money from it.  Should I be posting more?  Should I continue to post YouTube videos?  The answer is YES.  I would like to share with the world my collective experiences, knowledge, and wisdom.  There is always something that can be learned by someone even if it's something what you shouldn't do.  

Do I dare to change my ways?  Will I ever break out of my chains?  Will I just start creating and posting more YouTube content of my own one day?  Will my blog ever reach more than 1 view?  Will I even break $10 with Google AdSense?  My God, I visited the Google office in New York around 2010.  Jesus Christ, I still haven't even made $10!?  I am responsible for this catastrophe.  I deserve what I've earned: $0.  I have all these complaints about other people, but in the end it's me taking home $0 dollars.  This is what happens when you don't know what you want in life.  This is what happens when you don't set boundaries and boarders around yourself.  This is what happens when you don't tell other people "No".  Making $0 is exactly what will happen to you if you follow my footsteps.  I am not living the life I want.  I am a cautionary tale as to what not to do.  If you think marketing isn't important, if you aren't consistent posting, if you don't like creating content, if you're lazy, if you don't like editing, if you don't like planning out things, or if you're just plan on not giving a f*ck don't expect to be making much money out of it.  In fact, I'll just save you a lot of time and just give you that $0 you deserve right now.

You must be questioning what I've been doing with my time then?  How do I survive?  Well, I've been interning at the hospital for 8 hours a day doing cat scans.  I've also been helping a family member in need of healing after a bad car accident.  It's true I don't make money with Google Adsense from blogging or YouTube, but I have been making money in real life jobs and stuff.  Like most people, I've been running the rat race, paying taxes, and being a typical average person.  I don't feel like it's really necessary to be posting about these things that are just kind of typical and average to the general population.  It maybe exciting for someone to see who lives overseas.  None the less, I just don't feel like I care enough to be taking action and initiative.  One day, I plan to go back to creating and/or posting/editing clips for my YouTube channel.       

Thank you for dropping by and reading my content.  Hopefully, I will come back some time and give it another whirl.   

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! 

Thank God Mom is still alive with us here on this Earth.  . . . There's a lot to say here, but you know I had the full blown Mom experience.  I couldn't see anyone who'd want something like I experienced unless they didn't have a Mother of their own or were adopted.  Unfortunately, a lot of adopted children have this void in their heart that something is missing.  "Why don't my parents want me?  It's an unspoken demon that maybe bottled up inside of them and may even consume them if they don't seek out a resolution, allow things to subside, and heal.  I never experienced this, because I've been living in my Mom's house.  No, it's not a dream come true for me either, but at least I know.

. . . Yup, that's Mom for you.  Mmm . . . Yeah . . .

Well, Happy Mother's Day!   

The Importance of Being Poor

I need to study.  There is no easy way for me to pass exams except to put the time and effort into.  Unfortunately, money cannot really help you with passing exams.  Yes, money can buy books, review material, and whatever you; but you need the time to study and review.  Much like wealth, there's no such thing as getting good grades over night.  I exhaust a lot of time playing computer games, watching youtube videos, snacking, and just running off to go exercise somewhere other than putting the time to study.  The trick is to get myself to sit down and just read whatever I can get my hands on.  Reading definitely takes a lot of effort out of you.  Procrastination and laziness are the biggest enemies.  I wish my human being wasn't so fundamentally lazy, but everything in this world takes work.  What doesn't take effort?  As long as I remain poor, I possess great humility, granting me the perspective of someone who wants to learn.

Will I be the same tomorrow?  Will I just ever pick up a book and read it?  It always felt like I had to force myself to read.  Reading doesn't come easy to me, but once I start I can continue for a prolong period of time.  Yup, there's not much else to me than being a lazy sack.  I wish reading required zero effort like I can just download information from the vastness of space and time.  Some people call this intuition or simply trusting your gut feeling.  This is where inspirational ideas come from.  At the end of the day and look back, studying is the most effective thing I can do for myself that may have a lasting impact on my life.  Studying is such a great tool, but like any other activity it requires a lot of time and effort for it to have any use in the long run.  Well, I have a full schedule coming up.  Yup, it's going to be the Monday morning grind tomorrow.  It's quickly approaching 9PM, and I need my beauty rest. 

Thank you for stopping by.

Crazy Poor Asian

Welcome to being poor.  Let's face it, to have something worth while in investing the startup costs are astronomically high.  The set-up is hard, the time commitment is high, the requirement for money is high, etc.  There's no such thing as a free lunch.  Do you feel like owning tangible rental and/or vacation property?   Or how about something with more trafficking like commercial property?  Maybe, you'd like to own your own franchise?  Well, these are all scientifically, time tested ways to make money.  Unfortunately, we live in the real world and all of these bright ideas take huge amounts of effort, time, and probably the least of your troubles out of all three main ingredients:  MONEY.  So my entire blog focuses solely on things "normal people" can do.  Believe me when I tell you no one here is a trust fund baby.  The rich aren't where they are today because they've been nice all this time.  Aside from being incredible annoying and asking everyone for money all of the time, I believe in actually working or at least doing research on important things that actually does matter or may have a significant impact.  After completing all of these fabulous things, your net return on investments would only be around 10% - 20% maximum.  For example, starting a $300,000 business model will fundamentally make $30,000 a year.  Quite frankly, this is just not for me.  Having to take care of actual tangible property and having to meetup face-to-face customers on a daily basis just to make a minimum of 10% profit is just way too much work for me.  I'm sorry, but the answer is just no.  It's much easier for me to just research/find an online investment, dump a shit ton of money I've earned through work into a mixed diversified portfolio of investments, and hold it for the long run.  No, I'm not a genuine genius or even mentally fluid/dynamic enough to keep up with the current market trends; therefore I'd just payout the annual ETF/mutual fund management fee that is processed automatically.  Whatever positive net income I come across through work, selling crap around the house, or doing small random jobs for people, I'd just continue to throw it into a well, diversified portfolio.  Yes, there are ways to do that.  Personally, I like using Vanguard.  Fidelity also looks pretty good too.  Of course there are many others but these have been working wonders for me thus far. 

Look, I'm not someone who is going to make it big time by creating my own business.  I'm not someone who is going to cold call a thousand people per day for sales.  Hell, I don't even like networking.  I hate having to talk to people.  I don't like being present in the focus of someone looking at me as though I'm going to marry their daughter.  These people orientated meetings just don't workout well for me very well.  There's just something about the whole interview process that just screams out "asshole".  I prefer something a little more casual.  Yes, people have to work to make a living; but sometimes it just gets too intense, way too fast.  This is about work.  This is about being of service to others.  This is about helping other people.  This is about making money.  In no way, shape, or form should this be about me as a person.  Unfortunately, it seems that it usually gets to the point that the reason why there's a meeting or interview to begin with is because it's about ME.  No matter how hard I try to avoid to dodge the question, ultimately it's about ME isn't it?

At the age of 34, I am still where I've started not to long ago.  But believe it or not, 10% per year is considered extraordinary for return on investment.  As long as you figure out a way to continue to invest and grow a minimum of 10% per year, you're doing excellent.  It doesn't seem to matter what I'm trying to accomplish or sell to people as long as the numbers add up.  Investing in ETFs and mutual funds is the best thing someone like me can hope for.  After all, it's just a number to me.  At this time, it seems as though I can't produce a tangible product for people.  Well, if I can't produce a product; the only best alternative for me is to provide people with a service.  Ultimately, I want to make enough money through my investments; so I don't have to work another day in my life.  I would not have to focus any of my attention on creating a product or servicing customers unless I really wanted to.  I could just live my life doing whatever the hell I wanted to. 

Well, this is a weekend.  I hope to enjoy whatever time remains as the clock is ticking.  I hope to see you next time!   

         

Lazy Palm Sunday

Welcome to the laziest day of the week, Sunday.  I guess Sunday is a special day of the week, people do much, much less activities.  I love not doing anything.  I guess this is the highlight of my life really:  Having the luxury of not doing anything brings me great joy.  I'm sorry, but the people I've met in my life don't really bring me much on the table except grief, shouting matches, petty arguments, and a whole slew of other problems I don't want to get involved with if I don't have to.  As an introvert, I love being left alone, away from the drama, away from any loud mouth individuals who is constantly compelled to dominate the social scene for some unknown egotistical reason of pride, and away from the everyday competition of life that brings out the ugly and hate inside of people.  Thank you God for giving me this day to relax and not have to worry about working.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen the answer to the age old question: What do you want to do with your life?  At a minimum, I would like to live each day without having to work a back breaking job involving having to interact and talk with nasty ass customers whom are hellbent on ripping me a new asshole.  Although I do believe in helping and being of service to others, sometimes it's just goes south of the boarder.  No, I don't enjoy helping people who are inherently assholes up to no good.  Why bother helping someone who doesn't even have the capacity to appreciate you?  I might as well spend my time more wisely.  There's nothing written that says it's your duty to help others, but to evolve and become a more consciously aware being you kind of have to.  

This is yet another age old question:  Why be of service to others when you can always be of service to yourself?  For whatever reason, you always want to help others.  It's never enough to just help yourself.  To become greater than what you are now, you can't do it alone.  You can't grow up if you know nothing else buy serving yourself.  Being a fat, greedy bastard is generally not well liked in any community.  Even if you are poor, help out where you can even if it just means to smile more and be more compassionate each day.  

At the end of the day, it wasn't what you'd expect to see in some Hollywood movie.  It was a feeling.  It was a being.  It was having the capacity and emotional intelligence to be able to appreciate and be grateful with what you have in life.  Being an egotistical Wolf of Wall Street personality type has its great moments and all, but for a lot of us we just want to keep things simple and happy at the end of the day.  Not having the stress of owning mountains of bills or being in trouble was enough for me.  Above all else, I appreciated a quiet, frugal life style out of reach from any loud mouths.  Yes, we all like nice and expensive things; but the price you pay for it is sometimes too great.  Why not just be happy with what you have?  When you get older, you realize having less stuff is more.  Being bogged down by having too much stuff sucks.  When you have to pack up your bags and move, you realize you have to much crap.  In America, people love buying crap and hoarding it.  People always seem to have horror stories about hoarding excessive amount of clothes, old furniture, kitchen appliances, garage tools, books, exercise equipment, etc.  The list of stuff people don't want can go on and on, but what "everyone" can agree on keeping is cash.  Cash remains king.  As a result, I want to have around me the least amount of stuff possible.  I guess I need to startup my ebay business again to get rid of all this excessive baggage I keep running myself into.  No matter how disciplined and focused you are in your craft, you just end up with a lot of junk sometimes.  Fortunately, there are those out there who will buy your crap off of you.  As they say "Another man's trash is another man's treasure".

My Sunday hours are coming to an end.  I can see the light dimming outside.  I can feel Monday morning rush hour in my veins approaching.  I can tell you I need to sleep a bit early just so that I can have enough energy to be able to wake up in the morning, roll out of my bed, and dart off in my car to work.  What can I say?  This is my reality.  This is what I need to be doing each and every morning.  If I fail to get up and drive off to my job, wherever it maybe, I don't eat.  It's a basic formula of success.  Of course there are many ways to skin a cat, but this seems to be what works for me.  Sure, I'd like to work remotely from home and win the lottery but these things are just not available to me at this present time.  This is it.  This is my reality.  This is my comfort zone.  This is what I have to live with.  This is what I have to deal with.  Dream big, huh?  

Thank you for visiting, I hope to see you next time.        

        

     

      

Wanting More out of Life

Welcome to life, again.  It is my day off, and I'm back to doing and being nothing.  I guess this is just who I am.  I figure that I don't care to be some kind of person I'm not.  Having money and spending it is great but is that what I really want?  Do I really want to be a socialite?  Am I willing to pay the price to go out and have some with said people?  After all isn't it who you know and not what you know?  Don't I want people to get to know and like me?  Don't I want to spend quality time with quality people?  The answer to all these questions for me is simple no.  No, I don't want to spend all that time and money trying to convince others that I'm something that I'm not.  I am but a poor and humble soul who seeks and practice more of the truth.  What the hell does that mean?  Well, it means that I'm cheap and don't want to stick around when that $100 restaurant bill comes in. 

Yes, I am cheap.  No, I don't like to pay any excessive bills.  No, I don't want to spend all that hard earned money on socializing and networking.  My true nature is that of a cheap, frugal stingy Jew hole.  In essence, I get a high off of making money; not spending money.  Therefore, I'm not well liked by others unless I'm providing them some kind of service or goods.       

Being who I am, I spend my days studying books or reading hoping to ace my next exam.  Again, I put a lot of emphasis on not going out and spending huge sums of money on extravagant things.  No, there are no pretty girls entering this arena.  And yes, most of them all fugly and/or fat.  Without the money spending, without all the crazy bills, without all these expensive amenities that keep piling up, most pretty, young girls won't stay around for long.  This is my reality.  This is real life.  This is how I live. 

Like some kind of super nerd, I've always been interested in Frank Herbert's Sci-Fi novel Dune, especially the mobile harvester unit that does nothing but harvest spice.  I guess the real life equivalent to that of a harvester is a gold digger.  Yes, a girl who cares nothing else but free meals and paid for everything by some older man is nothing new to any of us.  Special conditions such as deprivation of resources, the scarcity mindset, and all these other fucked up mental conditions must be present in the environment for a particular resource to actually matter and produce a psychological sense of urgency for an individual and/or group.  This scarcity mindset of resources and this harvester unit sets the perfect sense of urgency for an individual to get off their ass, work, and be productive.  If working in real life was actually that easy and direct.  Unfortunately, it's never that easy; not even for the garbage man who makes $80,000 doing nothing but picking up garbage.  I'm sure they get their fair share of drama and getting ripped a new asshole everyday; not to mention it's long hours of physically labor.  Even if the job is a no brainer, the long hours and driving takes a toll on the human body.  Setting myself up in a condition where I can do nothing and just earn an income from being myself is what I want, but like I said it's never that easy.  Hard work, toiling, and sweating for prolonged periods of time/intervals are the chief principals on earning an income.  I have no solution for life other than to continue to work hard maybe invest in something like Vanguard/Fidelity/stock market funds.  Everything else is pretty much bullshit and that I really don't need it.  Well, I guess there's always that argument of taking care of family members getting old but that's for another day.  None the less, hard work will always remain a #1 necessity and contributing factor to getting what you want in life.  What more can I do?  What more is there? 

Being that as I am, I'm going to take a long walk.  I am going to enjoy the time of not having to work.  I appreciate the natural silence of nature.  Thank you for visiting, I hope to see you next time!

   

Tiger Mom

I'm actually 34 now, and I still feel like a kid.  Yup, whoever the hell I came into this world as I'm still that same person since kinder garden.  I remember most people and faces as though it was yesterday.  Unfortunately, my Mom still yells at me as though she's the reincarnation of Chairman Mao or something.  "Tiger Mom" is commonly used to describe an overwhelmingly, control freak of an Asian parent who can't stop telling their child what to do or how to do any time during the day.  Do you think there's such a thing as "weekends" and "vacations" for such a personality type?  Nope, Tiger Mom will strike their child at any time of the day.  No one understands the disposition of the Tiger Mom or why she even cares so much about so little.  Why so serious?  Sorry, I don't understand why?  Even after when the kids are all grownup and old, Tiger Mom is still at it.  Is it fun yelling at your kids and telling them what to do all the time?  I can assure you no one likes this kind of treatment.  That is why a lot of Asian children move out and rarely ever want to see their parents.  If the Tiger Mom's goal is to have all her kids grow up, move far away, make just enough money to survive, and dump her in a nursing home somewhere awful when she gets old, then GREAT JOB!  Sorry, I can't stand anyone who is overwhelming controlling for no good reason other than to stroke their own ego.  Sorry, I can't see it from your angle why you need to make life a living Hell for everyone else.  Sorry, I can't appreciate you because I'm definitely not the person you want me to be nor is it even possible to change into that person you want me to be at all times.  Again, I am an asshole.  You are not going to change me.  No, I do not hold up a sign that says "Please change me".  This is not cute.  This is not funny.  Yes, females have this predisposition to change bad guys.  Sorry, just no.  In no shape, way, or form can anyone change anyone else by yelling at them and telling them what to do.  Once your enforced poor programming skills are long gone, the person will just revert back who they original once were; which will ultimately provide more fuel for the said Tiger Mom with more sass and ferocity to begin another attack.  Again, I'm sorry I don't know why anyone would continue to waste their time and energy being a Tiger Mom unless it was somehow ingrained in their DNA.  Will you do me a favor and take a vacation or something?  At the end of the day, all you've really done is create a toxic environment.

So what is meaningful in this world?  What should we be doing?  What is the path to enlightenment?  Although everyone is different, the goal is generally the same: To raise your vibrations.  What the hell does this mean?  Well, you want to be happy, right?  You want to be more aware?  You want to be smarter?  The answer is simple:  Raise your vibrations.  Through your emotions, you can feel the level you are currently at.  Everyone wants to be happy, so just try and be happy.  It's just as simple as that.  Once you actually feel happy, you can begin to express higher emotions like love.  Don't you want to be happy?  Don't you want to feel loved?  That's basically it.  Do things or go to places that makes you feel good.  If you think something sucks and is boring, then try and get the hell out of there unless you're in a dire situation and need to earn a few extra bucks to survive.  On the other hand, humanity tends to dwell and gravitate towards the dark side of things.  Anxiety, depression, hate, suffering, etc. are all too common to us.  Anything that generates this kind of emotion, you would want to steer away from unless your true goal is to be evil and feed off of negative energy and vibes.  For example, I want the least amount of resistance and stress to better achieve a state of happiness; therefore I would find comfort in leaving Tiger Mom where ever I can.  If you plug in the numbers, staying away from Tiger Mom costs $1000 a month to rent out a place elsewhere.  Sorry, I don't pay $1000 to be with Tiger Mom.  I'd pay $1000 to leave Tiger Mom just so I can have more peace of mind.       

     

I'm going to do myself a favor and just travel into the future real quick.  So if I spent the next thousands of years walking the earth what would I have discovered?  What is cool out there?  What should my goals in life be?  Yes, technology is awesome but is there anything deeper than that?  Is there anything more to my humanity than bitching and complaining?  I needed to go find that one out for myself.  No, I did not make this up.  Not a lot of things that I can randomly makeup can even be considered that creative and/or true.  Being who I am, what really stood out to me is when I stumbled upon some Ancient Tibetan teachings of the Tibetan Rainbow Light Body.  In a nut a shell, if you somehow become such a loving and benevolent human being that the whole Earth itself and the Universe recognizes it through natural means, you actually "graduate" and "transcend" from the planet.  When properly performed and achieved, you'll no longer exist in a human shell of a body in flesh and bone.  You literally transcend and become like a living Jesus or Buddha.  You will no longer be bound by a human body.  You'll exist as a higher vibratory being, which means that you'll have to leave your human body behind.  . . . That's some real crazy shit isn't it?  Well, this really isn't for everyone, because people have families and responsibilities to carry out.  Again, back to being a basic bitch of a human being in flesh and bone trapped in some kind of a matrix like rat race.  Congratulations you remain a basic bitch!  Welcome back to your normal human life.  

I guess for some of us, we're tired of being a basic bitch of a human being in flesh and bone caught up in some rat race, getting yelled at by someone who we could care less about but have to because it's apart of the daily grind of making money and survival.  For those of us who want to speed up the process of reaching another level of higher consciousness and existence, there remains the teachings of the Tibetan Rainbow Light Body.  So how do you do it?  What is the secret to transcending?  Again, raise your vibrations.  How the hell do you do that?  You just practice trying to be happy, compassionate, and as loving possible and keep increasing the bar.  Through mediation, exercise, service to others, and focusing on being a loving person, the Earth will acknowledge your efforts and hard work.  The universe is not dumb.  The Earth and the rest of the universe out there is a intelligent, living sentient being.  If you continue on this path of enlightenment at some point you'll "graduate" and transcend to the next stage of evolution.  You will become a level above.  You will become an inter dimensional being capable of things far greater than we experience on the third dimensional plain of reality.  Sorry, but everyone who is a higher up control freak doesn't want this for you.  No, the government will never want this for you.  There is this huge disconnect and fair of the unknown.  What is this unknown and why control it?  Why not let people be in the know?  You want to know?  If you keep fast forwarding and get to the good parts, you come to a point in history where people have super powers.  Telepathy, levitation, flight, teleportation, transparency, walking through walls, mind reading, cosmic awareness, intuition, materializing objects out of thin air, super strength, etc.  You may already see these kinds of things with magicians.  Why magicians?  What is up with the magic?  What's with the pentagons all the time.  Well, the dark side also has these powers and abilities for a price.  Throughout history, people have gambled and risked their lives making packs with demonic entities.  There are both positive and negative spectrum of dimension.  Depending on which route you take you either believe in the light or the dark side.  The truth is we live in a world of duality.  Each of us has the free will to do whatever we want either to be good or bad, creating a delicate balance between the two.  

Basically, you either become a really loving, compassion individual who believes in service to others; or you give your sovereignty over to some kind of dark self serving evil, demonic force of nature Hell bent on the abuse power, control, domination, and keeping others ignorant of your evil deeds.  Remember, I'm just a homeless guy.  Please do not rage on me.  There's very little reason for me to makeup stories or fantasize about this kind of stuff.  I'm definitely not here to make money off of this.  Speaking of which, this is starting to sound a lot like religion.  There's always a guru or cult leader who says stuff like "If you do these things, you'll receive . . .".  Huh, so I travel thousands and thousands of years into the future and things look like some kind of insane, bat shit crazy, historical Biblical text book about angels and demons; surviving sacred bloodlines; and transcending after death . . .  This is just nuts.  Look, the bottom line is try to be more happy and loving by doing more of the things that you like before it's too late. 

Thank you for stopping by.  I hope to see you next time!  Enjoy!