Moving On

As you can see, my blogging and vlogging skills is no match for today's current market and upkeep to make bare minimum wage to survive.  Hell, if my financial survival was dependent on two such factors, I'd be dead by now.  I'm sorry, but making less than $10 for all of these years doesn't add up to much.  In fact, it's just a complete fail.  What is a product without its customer(s)?  What is a book without anyone to read it?  What is a doctor without a patient?  What is a universe without anyone living in it?  Would anyone even give a damn?  Would anyone even care?  Why even bother putting the time and effort into creating such work if no one is ever going to appreciate it? 

Well, my unemployment is almost dried about, which means I should be getting a job soon.  Yup, I'm gearing up to actually work in the hospital.  Right now I'm just an intern but word has it that they are going to hire me.  All I can really do is put more hours in interning at the hospital and be friendly with the staff.  No, no one wants to spend more time at the hospital but that's the job.  If you ever do find it fun to spend more time in the hospital, CONGRATULATIONS!  You've found something productive you like doing! 

. . . This shit show is over.  There's nothing here for me.  There's no money here.  There is nothing.  There is only you, the audience, my audience, my precious audience.  I must go now and prepare to work an actual job.  I must go . . . I am ready to grow up now . . . I must leave my homeless past behind. 


Thank you all for visiting.  I hope some of you have learned something thus far.  I am nothing more than a cautionary tale as to what not to do in life.  Please be sure to visit often as I do tend to write a lot from time to time at sporadic moments. 

Good bye friends . . .  I hope this is not the end.

The Bare Minimum Requirements to Make a Penny on YouTube

Well, here are the bare bones minimum requirements to make money on YouTube now.  You need a minimum of 1000 subscribers.  Congratulations if you can hit 1000 subscribers!  I barely have over 10.  I'm not entirely sure what 4000 watch hours is equivalent to but that sounds like a lot of hours of actual people watching YOUR CONTENT.  It's great that some people can accomplish and make this look so easy but what are my chances of qualifying?  This is something I definitely want to accomplish in my life time that is within my grasp.  I didn't know I had it so easy when they didn't have this requirement a year ago but now the stakes are up.  Is it even worth it anymore for someone such as myself to be spending my time and effort trying to promote myself as some kind of  primadonna YouTube star?  I have already fulfilled my prophecy by believing I can't.  

I wish there was someone I could connect with that understands what it's like to be a great creator but you feel stuck because of all the haters and negative entropy out there dragging you down to the point of making yourself feel like you can't do it, so you just end up living a mediocre life to be more like the everyone else.  When God comes knocking on my door, I want to know that I gave life a chance and that I gave it my all.  Who cares if I failed a couple of times?  What's the big deal?  Why so much hate?  Why so much criticism all the time?  Don't be afraid of failure.  Make mistakes as early on as possible and see what you are good at.  

The consistency of making creative, original content will be a major killer of the vast majority of YouTubers.  Unless you have the discipline of steel to make everyday a labor of love, you have absolutely no chance of surviving in the business world.  If you spend one day on that couch, it's already game over.  Laziness and the deadly sin of sloth will soon take control over your daily habits and rituals, which will ultimately destroy your flow of productivity.  This is something in particular that I struggle everyday.  Work is not easy.  Being productive is not easy.  Creating good habits is not easy.  Staying from old habits is not easy.  Working on the weekends when everyone else is out having fun is not easy.  This is the price you have to pay if you want success in your life.  So ask yourself if there exists anything in life worth having that doesn't require effort?

If you have ever wondered why you still live in your parent's home, it's because you're afraid to fail.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just wasting my time if I'm not making money.  Instead of thinking in terms of the negative or hating/trolling others, the least I can do is try and provide my audience with some value either it be entertainment or information.

Thank you for stopping.  My sense of intuition and sense of wonder comes and goes throughout the day but sometimes I am able to capture it with words while being on the computer.   I hope to post another time.



 

A Different Perspective

As a homeless, I don't share the same general values and wants as a typical normal person.  If a mother would to see me, she would think I'm a failure for not having kids and being a parent.  If a banker were to see me, he would think I'm a great saver by living in my parent's basement, limiting my spending money, and putting a vast majority of my earnings into a retirement fund.  I'm sorry I don't value or see having kids in this world as some kind of undeniable reward.  In fact, it's literally just more work and more effort for me, not to mention drama.  Therefore, it's clear that someone like me would not value a relationship or marriage.  I'm happy for not being at risk for paying for a divorce lawyer, battling for custody, alimony, child support, and even related therapy sessions.   

At the heart of it, I'm not very Chinese whatsoever.  I just don't like being so Chinese.  I don't express similar values or traditional ways of life.  I see these things as costly and a game that I really don't want to play.  Whoever mandated that you have to get married and have kids?  These things are always being brought up by family and friends.  I guess this is what normal people do and is just deeply ingrained in their DNA, but when someone like me sees this again after again I'm just like "No".  Where is the cool?  So traditional, so old school, so unchanging, so routine, so robotic, so predictable.  

As they say, if it's free it's for me!  There has never been a happier time in my life than having collected free government handouts such as Financial Aid for school, medicaid, Obamacare, and unemployment benefits.  Consequently, there are the hard working tax payers who absolutely hate and look down at people like me.  I am literally the darkness to your light.  Once again, I don't fit this classic Chinese stereotype of being hardworking.

I am happy being a bum.  I don't want to get involved with being Chinese.  I just don't care.  I really don't want to care.  At the end of the day, I know I'm just a bum.  What do you want me to tell you?  I want to take care of your old, of your sicks, your poor, and basically anyone else you don't want?  Do you know how much money I would need to take care of people?  It's a lot of work isn't it?  

I'm aware of what's socially going on, but the answer is "No".  I would say "Yes" if this was a nice easy life without worry and trouble, but it's set on HARDCORE so "No".  No, I don't have $200,000 to raise a child.  No, I don't have $40,000 a year for a child's college education.  No, I don't have $6000 a month to put your grandma in a nursing home.  No, I don't have $2500 for a divorce lawyer to battle over who has custody of said child.  No, I don't have $20,000 for a wedding and honeymoon.  No, I don't have $300,000 for a house.  No, I don't have $20,000 for a new car.  Hell, no one here has $1000/month to rent a tiny ass 400 ft. sq. 1 bedroom apartment.  But do the super hardcore Chinese overwhelming, Dragon mom parent personalities care about my excuses?  Nope, none whatsoever.  Sorry Dragon mom, my answer to you is "No".

. . . So . . . here comes the drama.  It's okay for a girl to say "No" to a guy for being creepy/horny/thirsty or whatever, but when the guy says "No" to the girl when it comes to marriage, it looks really bad on the guy as though he's not doing his job as a man in society.  What happens when the guy doesn't want to be a man?  He's called  such things as a "deadbeat" or "dead wood".  The battle of the sexes is obviously not fair.  As they say "It's always the guy's fault".

I was attacked today and will be continued to get attacked in the future as I cannot fulfill every traditional, Chinese cultural value on a laundry list full of shit that I could care less about.  

Thank you for stopping by.  At least I appreciate my readers and those who come here to take a peek at whatever the hell is going on with my life.  It really helps me to post and express my thoughts/feelings/opinions blogging.  I hope to see you next time!                                          

Learned Helplessness Continued

Well, it's been about a week.  Even after watching all these random youtube videos, reading self help books, financial books, business books, obtaining a college bachelor's degree, having multiple jobs, saving up money, dieting, exercising, and deploying whatever else life hacks there are under the sun, you'd think I would have amounted to something extraordinary by now?  Where is my product that I'm selling you?  What the hell is it that I'm trying to sell you?  I look down at my desk and see absolutely nothing.  Seriously, there's no product I'm trying to sell you.  It's amazing how much time and effort I put into life and there's absolutely nothing that I can call my own that I can sell you.  Like most people, I just fall under the ranks of working for someone else.  Hell, I'm not even sure I would even be termed as someone who has met the minimum requirements of self actualization.  I have contributed absolutely bare minimum to society in terms of making an impact.  Yes, I've had jobs, worked, and volunteered but all of these things really belong to someone else at the end of the day.  Where is my big thing that I can bring other people on board and contribute to make an impact in this world?  Is the vast majority of us just destined to be qualified as worker ants with very little or no life long significant impact?

I just don't get it.  It's like I'm the perfect example of "Mr. Nobody".  The most I can ever hope for is being able to afford to pay my living expenses, period.  I have never written a book.  I have never shot film using an action adventure movie script.  I've never done anything cool!?  And yet, I face harsh criticism and judgement everyday like I'm suppose to give an actual damn about all this, about my life.  Have I actually done something with my life, I would have faced even more criticism.  Either way, I'm ultimately doomed to be judged and criticized under a tiny, little microscopic lens by "the audience".  As they say life is a stage and we are just the actors and actresses abound.  If there's no money, fame, or fortune to be had, I honestly don't want to be apart of the drama.

Without the spark of creativity and intuition, what else is out there for average Joe except walking around Walmart and buying crap?  Well, I'm stuck on an evolutionary trend of being mediocre.  Until I can somehow sell something that I can call my own, I feel like I'm just like I'm just trying to get by. 

Thank you for visiting and reading another one of my blogs.  I hope to see you next time.  I can't guarantee I will change or be a better person, but I can promise you I'll be back. 

           

           

The Mental Prison - Learned Helplessness

Well, it appears that my life is about being trapped inside of a mental prison that I've constructed by myself in order to feel safe inside of my comfort zone.  I am like a chained elephant in a zoo.  At first, the elephant is wild and rampant when captured.  After being locked up and caged for a while, the elephant just gets tired of trying to escape.  Eventually, the elephant just stops giving a f*ck and accepts his fate.  What you are witnessing unfolding is "learned helplessness".  In many ways I've fallen into this victimization tactic.  Like a lot of people, I face a lot of adversity and challenges as well as the typical naysayer who hides behind every corner saying that you can't do this or you can't do that.  Because there are so many challenges and conflicting personalities in life, it's not easy for any individual to be successful.  Like any of us haven't ever heard of a "Negative Nancy" or "Debby Downer"?  Or how about the everyday internet troll?  There's just far too many assh*les out there.

Do you want to be stuck making $0?  Does success cause pain and suffering to some of these negative types?  Why so much hate?  Well, here's your $0 pay cut. Congratulations you've won the game of accomplishing and achieving absolutely nothing!

. . . Am I the living embodiment of all these negative personality traits?  Is this why I've been generating $0 with my online presence?

The ball is in my court.  I have taken the responsibility of not being successful.  It's my decision to not put in the work to whatever to generate an income stream.  For example, I have decided to use my time to not put money into marketing my stuff, to not post every single day/week, to not upload YouTube videos, to not continue to make creative content, to not keep networking, to not care about my audience, to not care about my customers, to not care about my reviewers, to not care about my critics, and most important of all to not give an actual f*ck.  As a result, my income stream has continually been $0 from my online presence.  I admit I was given ample amounts of free time but have chosen not to pursue a money making schematic.  It's just not something a would naturally due unless there was an absolute way of making money from it.  Should I be posting more?  Should I continue to post YouTube videos?  The answer is YES.  I would like to share with the world my collective experiences, knowledge, and wisdom.  There is always something that can be learned by someone even if it's something what you shouldn't do.  

Do I dare to change my ways?  Will I ever break out of my chains?  Will I just start creating and posting more YouTube content of my own one day?  Will my blog ever reach more than 1 view?  Will I even break $10 with Google AdSense?  My God, I visited the Google office in New York around 2010.  Jesus Christ, I still haven't even made $10!?  I am responsible for this catastrophe.  I deserve what I've earned: $0.  I have all these complaints about other people, but in the end it's me taking home $0 dollars.  This is what happens when you don't know what you want in life.  This is what happens when you don't set boundaries and boarders around yourself.  This is what happens when you don't tell other people "No".  Making $0 is exactly what will happen to you if you follow my footsteps.  I am not living the life I want.  I am a cautionary tale as to what not to do.  If you think marketing isn't important, if you aren't consistent posting, if you don't like creating content, if you're lazy, if you don't like editing, if you don't like planning out things, or if you're just plan on not giving a f*ck don't expect to be making much money out of it.  In fact, I'll just save you a lot of time and just give you that $0 you deserve right now.

You must be questioning what I've been doing with my time then?  How do I survive?  Well, I've been interning at the hospital for 8 hours a day doing cat scans.  I've also been helping a family member in need of healing after a bad car accident.  It's true I don't make money with Google Adsense from blogging or YouTube, but I have been making money in real life jobs and stuff.  Like most people, I've been running the rat race, paying taxes, and being a typical average person.  I don't feel like it's really necessary to be posting about these things that are just kind of typical and average to the general population.  It maybe exciting for someone to see who lives overseas.  None the less, I just don't feel like I care enough to be taking action and initiative.  One day, I plan to go back to creating and/or posting/editing clips for my YouTube channel.       

Thank you for dropping by and reading my content.  Hopefully, I will come back some time and give it another whirl.   

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! 

Thank God Mom is still alive with us here on this Earth.  . . . There's a lot to say here, but you know I had the full blown Mom experience.  I couldn't see anyone who'd want something like I experienced unless they didn't have a Mother of their own or were adopted.  Unfortunately, a lot of adopted children have this void in their heart that something is missing.  "Why don't my parents want me?  It's an unspoken demon that maybe bottled up inside of them and may even consume them if they don't seek out a resolution, allow things to subside, and heal.  I never experienced this, because I've been living in my Mom's house.  No, it's not a dream come true for me either, but at least I know.

. . . Yup, that's Mom for you.  Mmm . . . Yeah . . .

Well, Happy Mother's Day!   

The Importance of Being Poor

I need to study.  There is no easy way for me to pass exams except to put the time and effort into.  Unfortunately, money cannot really help you with passing exams.  Yes, money can buy books, review material, and whatever you; but you need the time to study and review.  Much like wealth, there's no such thing as getting good grades over night.  I exhaust a lot of time playing computer games, watching youtube videos, snacking, and just running off to go exercise somewhere other than putting the time to study.  The trick is to get myself to sit down and just read whatever I can get my hands on.  Reading definitely takes a lot of effort out of you.  Procrastination and laziness are the biggest enemies.  I wish my human being wasn't so fundamentally lazy, but everything in this world takes work.  What doesn't take effort?  As long as I remain poor, I possess great humility, granting me the perspective of someone who wants to learn.

Will I be the same tomorrow?  Will I just ever pick up a book and read it?  It always felt like I had to force myself to read.  Reading doesn't come easy to me, but once I start I can continue for a prolong period of time.  Yup, there's not much else to me than being a lazy sack.  I wish reading required zero effort like I can just download information from the vastness of space and time.  Some people call this intuition or simply trusting your gut feeling.  This is where inspirational ideas come from.  At the end of the day and look back, studying is the most effective thing I can do for myself that may have a lasting impact on my life.  Studying is such a great tool, but like any other activity it requires a lot of time and effort for it to have any use in the long run.  Well, I have a full schedule coming up.  Yup, it's going to be the Monday morning grind tomorrow.  It's quickly approaching 9PM, and I need my beauty rest. 

Thank you for stopping by.