Sunday - A Day for Rest

Have I worked out Monday through Saturday all the while interning at the hospital?  The correct answer is YES.  That's a big accomplishment for me, because most people just get lazy and fat given the same amount of time.  Do I deserve a complete day of rest?  Sure, I do.  Maybe, I'll just go for a brief walk or bike ride.  None the less, Sunday is a day for rest.  There's no religion behind it.  My body and mind really needs a day where I don't do much except to completely relax and be free of worry.  To workout the whole seven days a week is just too much for anyone.  The body and mind needs a full day of rest to recharge and rebuild muscle.

After trying my new protein, Oats and Whey, I still felt like the same old waking up.  If there was only a revitalizing potion that you can drink that helps you wake up in the morning, I'd be set for life.  None the less, I rolled out of bed at 8AM and went straight to the computer like I normally do.  Thank God I don't have to work the weekends.

Unfortunately, I didn't find a miracle protein that can help me jump out of bed in the morning; but I did get a full night of rest.  I woke up in the morning time, got out of bed, and that is what's important.  Of course, I could have slept in more but something made me get up.  I was hungry and driven to do something.  The spirit of ambition and wanting to succeed took over I guess.  This post will be short, because I simply want to spend the rest of the day off.  It's important that people get their rest on Sundays, so that they can be reenergized and be able to workout the next full six days.                    

Staying Hungry Even On A Weekend

Well, my secret stash finally arrived.  Yup, it's whey protein.  Not just whey protein, but oats and whey!  How will this product stack up with the soy protein I've been taking?  I'm hoping to find out soon.  In fact, I just came back from what seemed to be an all day workout.  Seriously, I went swimming in the morning for about an hour, went down to the gym and worked out for about 2 hours, rested and ate at around 4PM, went biking, rested and ate a little, and then I went back to the gym to work on whatever I missed in the "morning".  For me that was an amazing experience I've never felt before.  I'm usually tired or feel sluggish on weekends and just want to relax like "normal" people.  With just one, full scoop of this "natural" protein, I felt energized all day.  I don't believe there was a time I wanted to be lazy and sit on the couch and watch television.
The economics behind this purchase is simple.  I bought everything off of Amazon subscribe and save 15% if you order at least 5 items.  I can freely unsubscribe to whatever subscription I desire.  All I wanted was the 15% off this great protein.  Hold on, am I jumping the gun on promoting a product I just tried today?  Nope, I'm still testing this product out for myself with my daily workouts.  My goal and focus is to build more muscle and convert whatever fat cells that reside inside of my body into muscle through working out daily.  More muscle and less fat means that I'll have more energy and feel less sluggish throughout the day; thus tricking myself into believing I'm capable of doing whatever I set my mind to.  None the less, I don't like being lazy and sluggish.  There have been so many days I did not want to feel and look like a bum.  I want to try to aim higher this time and be a high caliber person if that is remotely possible.  It might take a miracle, but working hard everyday seems to be the only answer.  "No pain, no gain".  If something doesn't workout, I can always try something else.      
 Overall, I felt more energized and happier today.  I went swimming, weight lifting both upper and lower body, biking, and even started to pickup some boxing moves with footwork.  Kinesthetics is where one learns and discovers by simply doing.  I think I'm naturally geared more towards kinesthetics than being tied down by books.  Although I got A's in school, I never thought much about it.  Employees these days really don't care what you got in school anymore.  Grades just look good on paper, but when they find out you can't perform on the job you're screwed.  Learning on the fly and operating like a well oiled machine out of instinct is a much greater track record to look for in a potential employee for your company.  God forbid, a student thinks grades are everything.  That never works out nicely.  Well, I'm happy with my purchase and hopefully I will enjoy it.

Working Sucks

Good lord, I feel bad working at the hospital this whole week.  It just sucks.  If I could tell my childhood self not to go work in the healthcare industry I would.  The vast majority of people generally suck; therefore working at a hospital must suck even more.  Whatever happened to being a kid?  Whatever happened to having fun?  Jobs were created and soon sucked the life out of everyone who ever attempted to work.  I don't mean to be nasty or negative, but this is pretty much how honest and truthful I can be.  I've learned that I have a low tolerance for other people.  Some people I get along with or don't mind being with.  On some days, things get really nasty and all hell breaks loose.  People skills are very hard to come by.  "Kill them with kindness" is probably my best bet to facing anyone who's difficult.  There's just so many different cases where people become enraged, hostile, violent, upset, grumpy, or just plain crazy.  That's why they come in where I work, because they're there for answers.  A successful business operates on the grounds that it helps a customer solve a problem either it being something simple as hunger, medicine, and/or entertainment.  Growing up has all been a big lie to me.  I want to go back being a kid again.  I don't want to have to deal with people, patients, women, girls, or any other forms craziness.  No, grownup people are not fun.  They yell a lot, blame things on others, and have all these kids they can't take care of.   I don't want that to be me.

As a kid, I had fun with Nintendo.  Now, the only memories I have are locked up and stored behind a solid, plastic case.  Life use to be fun.  Life use to be worth something.  Life was once full of potential and new ideas.  Now that I work at the hospital, all I see is the darkness.  I've been interning and schooling for one full year and what do I have to show for it?  Nothing, I have nothing to show for it.  Sure, I know how to better take care of others but at what cost?  I was never paid once.  I've worked at a grocery store next to a mentally challenged man who did nothing but bag groceries who probably makes more money.  Forget about med school.  I don't care about how much potential money I could be making working long hours at a hospital; I would probably rather be dead than have to deal with those sick people.      

Yes, life once had meaning when the Nintendo came out; but those days are gone.  Now, I work all the day for very little or no money at all.  All this time and money I've spent in school turned out to be a big waste.  I don't feel like paying for an education really did anything for me.  I guess I'm one of those people who are more geared towards vocational school.  We all want the money, but having to go through school is hell.  After I stopped playing Nintendo, my fun and joy slowly faded away into a nightmare of schooling and work.  I would like to say I found something that I'm actually passionate about and can run a successful business through it, but I'm still searching.  I'd never want to go back to school for along time if my x-ray program doesn't work out.  I've tried my best to keep up with the bullshit and politics, but it never ends.  There's been one test after another each week, back to back.  If I knew it was going to be this hard, I would have turned the other cheek and left along time ago when I had the chance.  Do you think they pay us to intern at the hospital, providing patient care?  Nope, no pay whatsoever.  I feel like dropping out and leaving everyday, but it's a game that they don't let you out like a sadistic episode of  "Keeping up with the Kardashians".  There's only about three or four weeks left.  I don't know what will happen.  I'm trying my best to survive and past this semester, but that's not even good enough for them.  What do they expect of us?  They're not even paying us money for working in a hospital for God sake.  How much more of this abuse can I take?  All of these old and sick people, I'm responsible for.  As hard as I try to hold on, only time will tell.        

Something I love - Sushi

All you can eat sushi for $13.99, what a great deal.  I love this place!?  The next time I'm going will be by myself only.  I have no time for girls nagging and crying over spilled milk.  Yes, I do eat a lot, and no I do not gain weight from it.  In fact, I'm skinny as hell.  Guys typically eat a lot no matter if they're fat or skinny.  On the other hand, girls complain about how whatever they eat will make them fat or sickly.  I can't stand this kind of attitude towards food.  Unfortunately, a lot of girls have eating problems either it's mental or physical.  I know it sucks, and I don't want to get involved or know anymore about the details than I should.  The good thing about being the typical, average guy is that you can always count on eating a ton of food at a buffet.  As an omnivore, I can eat just about any food on the market unless it's something weird or out of the ordinary like blue cheese.  I've encountered very picky eaters over the years, but I sure as hell am not one of them.  I eat just about anything and do not care about culture/ethnic background of where it comes from.  Again, some people are very picky, even religious, about what foods they can eat.  I'm one of those who absolutely do not care.  People are starving on the streets, and I know I need to take advantage of every meal I can get my hands on.  I don't know how some people can afford to be picky eaters. nor do I want to get involved with whatever picky habits xyz person has.  As long as it looks decent, I will eat it no matter what.          

My love for sushi is real, much like Jiro Dreams of Sushi.  Sadly, Jiro would probably puke if he ever saw the sushi we have over here in America.  Usually, it's made by Mexicans or amateur sushi chiefs; but I'll eat it if the price is right.  Apparently, a lot of the rolls are Americanized.  In Japan, sushi is meant to be in its purest form.  People go eat out for fresh, killed fish that has been properly cleaned and prepared.  In America, it's all about piling up combos and adding extra crazy sauces like avocado, spicy, jalapeno, mayonnaise, sesame seeds, etc.  If you ever see sushi that has crazy looking colors it's probably been Americanized to the point that it's not even considered "sushi" anymore.  In any event, I'll go out and eat whatever I can get my hands on.  If there's something I actually love in this world, it's going out and eating sushi.        

You can't go wrong ordering more salmon, tuna, or even eel.  You can quickly tell that's imitation crab and not even worth ordering anymore.  My experience with eating sushi has always been filled with joy and excitement.  I feel like I reached a goal, like I finished climbing a mountain.  It's an actual achievable goal that I know that can be obtained.  It's feels like euphoria, a beautiful spring bath.  I'd rather go out and eat sushi alone than go out on a date with a girl again.  Girls are much too complicated for someone like me.  After my experience with several different ones, I just find it to be a lot of work added on to even more work.  To put it in the easiest and nicest way possible, girls require a delicate balance of time and money.  I'm not talking about taking grandma out to dinner, I'm talking about the young ones that are available.  She may not even like me, so why spend any more of my resources on someone who is humanly incapable of appreciating me other than for money?  She doesn't like you, period.  Trying to get her to like you is always a complete and utter fail.  From my experience, it's not worth fighting for.  A girl either likes you or doesn't.  If she doesn't like you, she won't do anything further than nothing.  If she does like you, she will address it to you.  It's either yes or no.  Being aggressive and macho only gets you so far to the point you realize that all this effort is costing you way too much time and money.  I had a few jobs, made some cash, and it's not worth it to spend the fruits of my labor on someone who just wants to play the role of the fool.  But seriously, I've worked around the pharmacy and hospital; girls have problems just like everyone else.  Sure they put on a beautiful facade and makeup to look picture perfect, but underneath that pretty skin is another layer of the human soul full of impatience, maliciousness, power hunger for greed, and of course a whole encyclopedia devoted to sick and disturbing ways of backstabbing others.  Alimony, child support, divorce papers, and all this other crazy garbage needs to leave.  As I said before, girls are too complicated for me.  Someone like me would require a banker, a financial analyst, a lawyer, several doctors, and a whole boat load of money for things to ever properly workout with the girl.  By that time I establish all these wild and crazy things, she would be old and wrinkly just like everyone else.  I maybe forever alone, but happier because of it.                    

Where Did I Go Wrong

Well, I guess this is where I would like to hangout all day given the fact that money wasn't a problem.  If you haven't guess it yet, it's the Rockefeller Center.  I come here all the time.  There's just so much potential here to have a great time.  I would love to eat here without worrying about the expensive prices.  It's a beautiful environment full of life.  When I was small, who thought I'd end up on the wrong side of the tracks?  I did get good grades in school, I did graduate from college, yet I knew the future would be grim for me either way.  Since the economic collapse of 2008, my college degree seems to have very little or no effect on my job search.  College just made me realize how much crap costs.  It's not a good idea for someone like me to continue to spend all their money on tuition for false hope.  Even though I get A's on my report card, I hate what I do.  I don't like going to school; I don't like having to talk to the teachers about whatever.  What I do like is to make money.  School and grades have very little or nothing to do with making money in the real world, which is why I see school beyond high school full of a load of crap.  When's the last time your school taught you how to design, manufacture, and sell a product other than it being insurance?  Never, never has any school taught me how to make money and that is why I'll always hate these institutional systems.  It's expensive, boring, and the teachers really don't care about you.  Hell, I'm still going to school for radiology.  I hate working at some hospital with sick people.  I have hundreds of hours poured into it; only to come out with nothing but worthless degree credits, not even enough to buy a hot dog for lunch.  I really want to be successful and to be proud of myself and my potential customers.  I don't want them to have a crappy experience with what I have to offer either it be a product or just spending time with me.    

Sure I feel bad waking up in the morning and having to drive down to the hospital in the ghetto to take patients' x-rays, but I have hopes that one day I can be successful.  Being successful for me means being able to work without having regrets, having three meals a day, and going home at night safely.  My life may suck, but when I look around people are having fun here and that inspires me that I can too.  I don't have to be rich or well known; I just want a lot of money in my pocket from a hard day of working.  That money can be used for buying better food, gym memberships, season park passes, and of course putting a roof over my head.  Unfortunately, they don't pay you for a hard day of work.  My internship at the hospital is paying $0.  It's sad, so I apply for all the government handouts I can get.  To work and not get paid really sucks.  I had to help lift this 300 lbs. lady on multiple occasions, and it sucked.  The worst part about it is that there's not just one, there's a lot of them that are sick and worst of all fat.  I feel sorry for the actual employees there.  No matter what the age or condition they're in, they have to do their job.  Why in God's name is anyone well over 300 lbs. and covered in thick, layers of fat is beyond me.  It's sad that people can't take care of themselves.  Hell, I'm not even sure I can take care of myself; but I try my best to sustain.  Again, working at a hospital sucks.  I'm not even sure making $30,000 - $40,000 a year inside of a hospital is even worth considering.  I would rather make $10,000 somewhere else less hostile; collect government welfare benefits; and bounce every 6 months to be able to collect unemployment.  The more money you make; the more taxes you have to pay anyways.  I know this is a very controversial issue that people want black listed immediately, but I feel that being poor enough to qualify for government benefits is a much better warranty for life than trying to break way into "middle class".  Screw trying to fit in with the rest of the middle class, I would rather be considered dirt poor.  I want food stamps, EBT, unemployment, welfare, financial aid, tuition waiver, etc.  I've seen the people collecting, and they don't give a damn.  I need to help myself to whatever I can get as well.  It's been long enough that the government has been trying to screw me over.  I feel that what I'm doing is right, and people who need help should really get help.      

"Creativity and imagination shall be the stability of thy times".  Finally, someone gets it.  It's right outside the GE building.  It's a beautiful work of art.  It's so inspiring and well worth taking a picture of.  Instead of seeing sick people, that's what kind of people I want to see.  Elegant, strong, intelligent, powerful; all of these positive human characteristics that illuminate out of respectful people.  What ever happened to a brighter tomorrow?  Now, they're sick, old, killing each other, and violence on television.

When I was little, I wanted a better future for myself.  I wanted to work in one of these tall New York skylight buildings.  Now that I'm older, I realized things never really worked out for me.  I always felt that the school boxed me in from my full potential as a business man.  It was just another rat race.  Go to school, get good grades, and a good job will fall into your lap.  Unfortunately that's not how to works.  There's a lot of politics and back stabbing that needs to take place for anyone to climb the socioeconomic latter.  I never really cared about having to stab anyone in the back, which may very well be the same reason why I will never make it to the top.  I know I'm a homeless, and I don't need to care anymore.  But there's always a human conflict of staying in your comfort zone.  You have to break out of your comfort zone if you ever want to be better!  You cannot keep boxing yourself in.  It's not okay to sit back and relax.  The balance between staying where you are comfortably and searching outside of the box has always been a fundamental problem with people.  History has shown us repeatedly that vast civilizations have been conquered by foreigners due to their inability to advance and move forward.  The same thing will happen to just about anyone else if they ever should decide to sleep on the couch and watch television all day at home.  In time, I'm hoping that interning at a hospital will open doors for me.  That day may very well never happen.  I too maybe boxed in from all the politics and back stabbing that's constantly going on.  No, people don't change overnight.  There's no such thing as "nice people" anymore.  Most of the time, back stabbing and stepping over each other is so common at the workplace that you should never get worked up about it.  These things happen to just about everyone.  Trying not to let other people make you feel bad is an important skill for me.  At the end of the day, I want to go home and not give a crap about what drama happened.  I want the paycheck, but I sure as hell don't want the drama or baggage that comes along with it.        

Another Day in the Life of a Homeless

I'm back interning at the hospital, and it sucks.  If the job itself doesn't suck, then the patients are absolutely the worst.  The hospital literally pampers and treats the patients so nicely, and what do they get in return (aside from money)?  The patients unwillingly urinate and poop on all over them.  Literally, the feces and the pee gets everywhere.  It's just completely nasty, but patients have it good under the roof of the hospital(s).  The whole situation is a mess.  Some of these faces you see everyday are just horrifying.  You're just there to help them or do whatever the job that is required, and the patient starts freaking out and looks at you like someone just robbed them of their dignity.  What the hell?  Some of the people you have to take care of are well over 300 lbs. and can't move by themselves.  I've seen this little, old lady having to lift these morbidly obese patients onto a small back panel for a MRI machine.  I'm sure no one would consciously make themselves voluntarily sick so that everyone else's job is to take care of them.  It's unfortunate, but people get sick, old, and/or morbidly obese through no fault of their own.  Nature is just taking its course.  Sure, people have the choice of exercising and eating healthy; but there's always that population of people who give up trying or don't care anymore.  For me, it's just another day.  These sick people may never be able to walk or go home ever again but that is not my business.  I do what I'm required to do and that is to take their x-ray.  In between the business of taking x-rays, the craziness is constantly happening.  I don't want to care; I don't want to jump into "the fire"; I'm not here to play games.

Sometimes, I feel like blaming the patient for getting themselves in such a mess to the point that everyone else has to take care of them.  In a perfect world, I'm sure that no one would do that unless something was really wrong.  Something must really be wrong.  Perhaps, they couldn't control themselves with their food dieting and lack of exercise while growing up and now have to suffer the consequences of making bad choices.  We all have to make choices; except the choices they made voluntarily or involuntarily landed them straight into the hospital.  Whatever messed up situation that happened is not my business, nor do I choose to care for my own safety.  It's not my responsibility to watch over and tell people to eat right, exercise, and to stop doing stupid things.  Everyone has their own responsibilities to manage themselves appropriately.  If I were to be involved in promoting living a healthy life, you have to pay me.  That is a job in itself and service.  Being fat and lazy is something that needs to be serviced.  Someone in that situation would have to pay money to better themselves if they want anyone else involved.  No money; no help.

Fortunately, I did use my Familycare health insurance card for my free dentist appointment.  The doctor and hygienist helped clean my teeth.  After I was done with a full checkup, they told me I could go without paying.  Yes, the government Medicaid insurance plan actually worked!  For the first time ever, I was the one mooching free government handouts.  I was so proud of myself.  Since I'm a student, I reported a minimum income of less than $10,500.  It took about three or four months to process, but I finally got my health insurance card in the mail.  I was being the needy one this time, and it felt relieving.  For the first time in a long time, I was on the receiving end.  It was a heart warming experience to know that there were people out there like me, offering services to others for very little or nothing in return.

It's now night time, and I finished a one hour swim workout session.  I felt motivated and compelled to workout a bit more but then decided to rest up a bit, because it's not a good idea to workout late in the day especially since the body needs to prep itself for sleep.  I would like to say that the workout was great, but the baggage that remains from the hospital follows me home.  All the unnecessary drama and the crap that comes along with working sucks.  Can't I just have a dumbo job, work, get a paycheck, and live right?  Nope, it's not that easy.  Like a fly that gets trapped in a light bulb, someone will get caught up in the storm of garbage.  Crap will swirl around, and you'll get hit in the face by something.  It doesn't matter if you've been good or bad; the crap will hit you in the face no matter what.  I don't want to be around when that happens.  Even if you try to avoid everything, it'll try to follow you.   In such a catastrophic universe, I want to be as far away from this source of crap spewing out from its core.  I would like to blame someone, but there's no exact source.  It just emanates from people and travels real fast from one end of the room to the next like how gossip spreads like a wild fire.

What am I to do?  I have myself boxed in right where I don't want to be.  I want to work somewhere fun.  I want to be somewhere I don't have to worry about people looking over my shoulder if I screwed up.  Unfortunately, there are not many jobs out there that are fun to begin with.  Whatever, I just have to endure the pain of living and above all else not care.                  

Wednesday - My First Time Ever in the Operating Room

For the first time, I was invited to participate in the operating room as an observer.  My department deals with the C-Arm when they need to take x-rays for the procedure.  Before anything, we had to put on scrubs to be as sterile and clean as possible.  We also had to make sure to put on a protective, lead apron.  I was very cautious in where I stepped, because you're not allowed to touch the sterile field.  Basically, our job was to setup the room without screwing up the place.  The procedure was for kidney stone removal through retrograde flushing.  That's when they insert a stent up the urethra and blast water up the kidneys, then the stone(s) slowly flush out.  The C-Arm is needed to see what's going on inside of the ureters.  The good news was that there was no blood involved.  The bad news is that the procedure was still very nasty.  The anesthesiologist is the one who's responsible for sticking the air tubes and monitoring the patient's vitality signs throughout the procedure.  He was also responsible for documenting changes in temperature, oxygen, and air intake.  It was basically his job to keep the patient alive before, during, and after the procedure.  The whole thing lasted about an hour.  The doctor did not have a fun time performing such a task.  He was cursing like a sailor and went through different sizes of tubes and instruments before completely removing the kidney stone.  Even though the whole thing was a big mess, everyone chipped in to help and the job was successfully completed.

It was hard for me to be there watching the whole thing, but I knew my future career was on the line and that this job wasn't as bad as so many other jobs out there.  I needed to be there; and I need the experience.  It was another whole new environment for me, but I actually understood the language the doctors were using.  I guess all that schooling, studying, and book reading helped after all?  I was also talking and interviewing a lot of workers there as well.  I can tell that the schooling and the job was hard on them.  Any job at the hospital is no easy task, even the janitor.  They got to clean the toilets and poop all the time.  I almost even dozed off while watching the operation, but I managed to pretend long enough to be awake and alert.  

None the less, I have one more day left in the week interning at the hospital until my short weekend time off.  It's been a grueling experience, and I don't know how much longer I can survive in this field.  I'm going to continue to try my hardest and do my best.  I have to practice being more aggressive and taking on cases by myself.  I also need to learn how to work independently with others.  My line of work encompasses all of these things, which I could improve more upon through working harder, sacrificing more, and taking on more risk.