Useless Man

. . .  I didn't come back.  I didn't care.  I just left and was like whatever.  I can only imagine this is what happens to a lot of startup companies and or businesses.  You must be consistent and dedicated to what you want to achieve in life.  Do you have the luxury to just not care one day, getup, and leave?  If you want a business, you have to take care of your customers.  You have to keep things up to date every single day or no one else will care.

As you can see I've hit an all time low in just not caring about my blog anymore.  Will I ever recover from this great depression?  Is it a problem of not generating enough income?  Am I not entertaining?  Why do I not have an audience?  All of these things can be answered by "Because I'm lazy".  I am a lazy sack who just doesn't care.  If I did care at some point; it would have been only temporary.  There's very little or no incentive to continue unless there was some kind of monetary gain involved.  For a long time, I'm doing what I am doing for fun and then all of sudden I crash one day.  This has been a repeating pattern in my life for quite some time now.

So are there any solutions to this lazy affair of being absolutely useless to society?  It's as though some people get prone to becoming lazier overtime.  If that is the case, then all you have left really is investing all your money into the stock market.  Exercise and dieting will only help so much until another relapse.  Yes, cutting out excessive amounts of sugar, salt, and carbs will do wonders but that's just not enough.  Yes, exercise will vastly improve one's overall health as well but that's still something that you need to be consistent with everyday (or every other day).  The hell with it, life is hard.  Keeping up your health and financial well being is no easy task.

Thank you for visit.  I hope to see you next time! 

   

The 1 View Wonder

Well, I have exactly 1 view for my last post.  I haven't posted in God knows how long.  For a long while I just stopped blogging and did my own thing while collecting free government handouts. Minimum effort equals minimum wage.  As you can see, putting in something that is half-ass will never amount to anything of significance or important.  Most likely you will not get the desired results you want.  Meaning you will not get the customer's attention, you will not get the maximum number of views, you will not get the audience, and lastly you will get any monetary gain whatsoever.  This is exactly why I do not freak out or get upset over the little things in life, because it doesn't matter.  Arguing with people over small little petty things also falls under the same boat.  No matter how much you try and convince everyone you're right or at a minimum not at fault, you'll never get famous or produce anything of significance over it.  It's just another waste of time.  Some may argue that all these little petty increments of fighting and squabble builds character and maybe even resilience, but that's just not me.  

I got to run, I'll be back to finish.

A New Beginning

Well, I've been training for a month or two doing CAT SCAN at the hospital now.  With all the intricate details aside, I'm slowly getting tired like having a real job.  Thank God, it's not as bad as my last job having to drive all day and visit nursing homes.  Regardless of what I like, life has to go on and life is expensive.  So why do I keep putting myself in a position that I hate and can't stand?  Well, it's simple:  I have kids to feed".  I have bills to pay.  Housing is expensive.  Food is expensive.  Education is expensive.  Commuting is expensive.  Everything is expensive.  Without having to grind a job you hate for a paycheck, I don't know what else is out there for you.  Pray that you land a job you actually like and can enjoy for a long time.  Nothing else is worse than being stuck in a dead end job you hate doing everyday just to pay the bills.  Sorry, I wouldn't want to have kids in this world unless I've somehow setup myself in a winning position where I don't feel like a slave to the system.  My trump card could have been real estate or winning the lottery, but no.  Much like most people I still kind of feel just like another cog in the wheel.  Even if I had millions of dollars, I don't think I would ever pursue a lifetime of work in a hospital helping people.  No, I'm not proud of myself.  No, I don't like being a bum.  No, I do not like being of service to self.  I would like to be more service to others, but it takes a lot more time and effort.  To be able to help another human being, you really need patience and tolerance.  These things take time and energy.  It's not an easy task to help someone.  Most people don't have time to or will charge you an arm and a leg for care.  When you're hurt bad and suffering, you are at the mercy of the industrial medical complex.  You have basically given over your sovereignty to this evil money making cooperate machine. 

A lot of times, I need a place for myself.  I feel that things become very crazy real fast when people try to get together and communicate.  I'm most likely an introvert who does not like seeking out trouble with people.  I find the vast majority of people to be quite scary.  I appreciate the nice ones around.  Unfortunately, there are some really loud or rude people around who just don't give a damn.  These kinds of people say that they don't care, but when you say something to them that they don't like they quickly become offended and may even report you as though you've wronged them.  Why so serious?  I honestly care the least and stay out of the way most of the time.  I'm not interested in finding someone who does nothing but talk really loud and make a big deal about little small details and starts fights over it.  I avoid the egotistical maniac and people who just talk just to show dominance.  Socializing with people can be quite annoying when there's a loud mouth in the room.  I appreciate finding someone who is either funny, knowledgeable, or easy to hangout with.  I also tend to avoid people who are to serious.  Getting along with people is not easy.  Everyone is different and each person has a different personality type.  At the end of the day, I really don't care.  No, I don't want to care.  I just want to come home to my paycheck and be able to sleep at night.

In regards to people skills at the workplace, I'm one of the few anomalies.  I'm not sure if I'm a complete sociopath.  Like I said, I'm really only interested in a job for the money to survive.  I'm not sure if I'm actually into what I'm doing or enjoy what I'm doing.  I've seen other "normal" coworkers who always act like they deeply care and are invested in their "customer".  These "normal" workers like what they are doing and care about everything they do at the workplace.  Well, they get tired out and bitch like everyone else; but they do a very good job at hiding it.  I guess I need to do the same as well.  Revealing your negative side in the work place is never a good idea.  My professor always said some of these hospital workers should be Hollywood actors.  Pretending to provide care for people is a very lucrative people, especially elderly homes.  Do I care?  Nope, I just need the paycheck.  When I'm on the job, do I pretend to care?  Yes, I pretend to care and sometimes emphasize with people but that's only because it's apart of the job.  Regardless of what happens or how upset someone is, I still have a job to do.  Whether I feel happy or sad is irrelevant.  I need to get the job done.  Unfortunately, not everyone feels or thinks the same way.  Sometimes, human beings don't care about what needs to get done and just wants to see someone who actually cares about them.  With regards to people, showing compassion and love goes along way than being a robotic workaholic. 

As you can see, life as a person is complicated.  We all need a job to pay the bills at the expense of others.  It seems that every living thing is at constant competition with one another.  With people getting butthurt over the smallest of things everyday, you really have to pay close attention to detail and watch what you say or better yet just don't do anything nor say anything so that way you can't get in trouble.  Sorry, but I just don't want to care any further than I have to.  At the end of the day, I simply just don't care.  Even after reading peoples' complaints, I still could care less.  Sorry, I can't make everyone happy.  Not caring brings great joy to my life.     

Thank you for visiting.  I hope to post again soon.

             
  

Mantis Being

 
Well, I had one of those weird dreams last night involving a mantis being. Look kids, there is no reason for me to be making up random bullshit. I am not a politician. There's no need for me to try and deceive you. I do not have much of an agenda or narrative to follow. "Free will" is the best I'd like to describe how I operate. With that aside, most of my dreams are well, just dreams and just exist in my vast  subconscious somewhere, perhaps even in another realm, dimension, density, and/or alternative timeline. My ability to recall my dreams is very vivid and accurate. Some of them are very traumatic, mythological in nature, sexual in nature, or just plane insane!

 So I guess I was in some kind of Japanese pond garden. There was a man working in the pond with some "celebrity" landscape designs. He was sorting out different colored "sticks" to make things look nice. The "sticks" were some kind of special resource like bamboo or something?  Long story short, I met a mantis being for the first time. It stood upright about 3 feet high like a humanoid. All I could remember was GREEN and MANTIS.  You can tell right off the bat the GREEN lightly glowing mantis being was very intelligent and patient. Yes, there was only one of them.  It spoke briefly in some weird critter language. There was a human guiding me the whole time. He said "It thinks you are cute".  In any event, the creature was asking for medical help. All of the sudden, my tour guide got puked on and was asking me to HELP. I didn't know what to do; and everyone just started freaking out. Soon enough, I got puked on. As I was trying to run out of the room, I discovered small little insects infesting the place. I tried to smack them but that wasn't enough. My guide came back and tried to help me kill some of them. We were not successful helping the mantis being and just resorted to either escaping or wacking our way out. That was pretty much the last thing I remembered. The conflict derived from beating the hell out of all those small insects just ended the dream.

Yup, that was just 1 sequence of one of several dreams I have had last night. I have a lot of different dreams that play out like stories. This one just stood out because of that one mantis being. I thought it would be worth writing about. Oh right, the picture on top is an actual praying mantis I found outside last month when it was warm outside. The other picture I drew just right after I got up and could right in my dream journal.  There you have it folks, my first mantis being encounter that all manifested in my dreams. I was also taking Blue Ice Fermented Skate Liver Oil.  This is the kind of stuff that I dream about when I try to decalcify my pineal gland. I hope everyone has had fun reading my blog today. I hope to see you next time!

6PM Class!?

Well, my class starts 6PM! Wait, what do I do in the meantime for the whole day? It is not possible to be studying the whole day, so what is there left to do really? I guess I'm going to hit the gym and do a light workout. On light days, I usually just go for a swim, sauna, and go hit up some books afterwards. Seriously? This sounds like a dream life. I don't have to go to work and get to hangout at a gym!? I have to do this. I have to go the gym. I have to workout a little. I can't just stay at home and pretend like I'm studying all day. I'm old enough to be responsible to take care of myself.

Why does it still feel like I'm rushing?  Rush here!  Rush there!  Rush! Rush! Rush! Work! Work! Work!  Please! Just let me sit down in peace, so I can eat my Korean fried chicken at Bon Chon!

Seriously, I had Korean fried chicken just now and it was great. The time flew by, and I had a great time. No, I didn't have to work the grind. No, I didn't have this sheer Neanderthal need to go all out and risk myself with injuries. Low stress is what I need. I don't like exposing myself to people, because that always leads to increased levels of stress. Not everyone is going to agree; not everyone is going to be happy with each other's choices. I do not like high pressure, high social situations. I just don't care enough to be taking care of people.  It's not me, and I don't need it in my life.  

Well, that is me in a nut shell. The pressure is on for me to go to class at 6PM. Last night, I went to the school at 3PM just to get some studying done. It all worked out, but I can't be studying and studying forever. I get tired and bored just like everyone else. Sometimes, I have to switch up my schedule and workout. Besides, I had the last 4 days off from school. I think that was enough time to be studying on my own. Anymore than that is just overkill.  As one can see, the things in my life are trying to be put into place for me so I can finally ENJOY.  I don't like high stress, negative people, unimaginable pressure of having to take care of "everyone", and will do everything in my power to prevent all that kind of unnecessary bullshit. Life just works out better for me if I'm a loner. No, I don't recommend being a loner, but life is just that much easier for me being one. 

Thank you for stopping by and reading. I hope to see you all next time!  

 

The Enemy is Laziness

In life, who is your real enemy? For me, it's laziness. Forget about everyone else or who makes you mad, it's laziness. Laziness is embedded deep inside all of us. We are constantly distracted by everything else around us whether it be new technology, people, music, the weather outside, or whatever the hell it is. If you can persevere and overcome your own laziness and tune out all other distractions, you are good to go to completing your goal(s). My goal is simply to become a CAT SCAN TECHNOLOGIST. My classes are being paid for and there's very little else I have to worry about at the moment, except doing the actual work and reading required for the class. Yes, doing the actual work and picking up a book is hard. Sometimes, I have to resort to listening to the lectures I record or go on youtube just to get my feet wet. Everyday, it's a challenge. Trying to read an educational book is not easy. Perhaps, it's not in my honest opinion and/or interest to pursue such a goal of mine but I MUST DO IT. Long story short, a CT technologist makes a lot more money than whatever the hell it is that I've been doing thus far in my life. There you go folks, all the motivation and reason I need to reach my goal - MAKE MORE MONEY!       

Why is money important to me? I'm super interested in investing, such as Vanguard ETFs. I invest in all sectors of the economy. Do I like working or getting my hands dirty everyday doing the grind? No, I don't like running around in the matrix like a fat hamster on a treadmill; but I like to invest in something that is bigger than myself. Yes, I like to contribute to companies that offer products and services to people. Again, I most likely don't like to do any of the dirty work myself; but I do like to invest in others who are not afraid of the grind. I would like to be a part of those bigger companies. I wish I could work hard and be a productive member of society, but since I don't have a real firm grasp in that arena, the best thing I can do is invest. Why not? Well, I don't have money to pay for all the overhead, no money for real estate, hiring employees cost way too much, the raw material to make whatever or wherever, marketing for potential customers, etc. Without a doubt, the laundry list of things I need to pay for business upkeep will most likely kill me. Even if I did have all  the money, I would still probably hire someone else to oversee my business operations and plans. Again with the laziness. If we translate everything to reality and see what I can actually do to make ends meet, the best I can do is become a cat scan technologist.  

If you factor everything in, the only thing stopping me from reaching my goals is myself. It is up to me to read that book. It is up to me to do that exercises. It is up to me to listen to that lecture another time until I understand the material. It is up to me to deliberately walk away from relationships or toxic people whom take away from my study time. It is up to me to exercise and make sure I don't get fat. It is up to me to speak up and ask questions. It is up to me to control my emotions. It is up to me if I want to remember new vocabulary words and/or jargon. I will not give my sovereignty to playing video games uncontrollably. Ultimately, I am responsible for reaching my goals in life. My goal is simply to become a cat scan technician, but we all know that nothing in life is worth having unless it takes a lot of work to get. I am not here to compare myself to anyone else. This is my own personal struggle to achieve what I want in life.   

Well, I hope someone out there learned something from my cautionary tail. Thank you for stopping by. I hope to see you next time!  

    

The First Day of Class

Yup, I'm 33 and I'm going back to school for the first time in along time since forever. I sound like a kid again. God forbid, I have an ego and too cocky to learn. So what great purpose do I have a need to go back to school for?  Why would anyone care? Most importantly, why would someone like me care? Well, I am going back to school for CT technologist. I do not want to get into the whole politics behind it all.  There's a lot of background information and financial stuff going on, but none the less my education is being paid for by another party other than myself. I guess you can call it a "free ride". But as you all know, there's no such thing as a free lunch. So, I have to follow a ton of rules, regulations, and guidelines to keep my funding going. As long as I behave myself, listen, and follow their instructions, I can reach my goal of becoming a CT tech.

Aside from anyone giving a damn, I am doing something great for myself. Yes, I do feel fear; I do feel shaken, and I do feel like I have ants in my pants. Nothing worth obtaining in life is easy for anyone. Not only is this program good for me, it's a mutual benefit throughout the community. As a CT tech, I get to take care of people who need help. Again, I don't want to get into the nasty side of the politics of things which is inevitable and in every facet of humanity; but ultimately I am serving others and/or helping people. Yes, I am serving others; I will be compensated for my efforts.

A lot of shit will happen and will be said, but the main point is that I'm going back to school to ultimately serve others. I have agreed to this and signed the paper work. My school is being paid for by them. So this is my life. This is where my life continues. This is the path I have chosen. Yes, I'm afraid. Yes, I have to take the time out of the day and go out of my way to study, read, and learn! Learning how to be someone takes a lot of effort.  I do not wish to be disturbed or distracted by other worldly things at the moment. I know better now. Whatever it is that motivates me or will help me achieve my goal, I will do. No, I never said anything was going to be easy. In fact, my first class will start today at 6PM - 9PM. I have no time to waste. I need to get shit done.

Thank you for stopping by. I hope to keep up with my writing. I hope to study and learn. I hope to grow with everyone around me. One day, I will get back on my feet. Someday . . .